Hi Linda,
These are just some cursory corrections; I will be able to look at the essay in greater detail after this week. So, i will try to give you more of a substantial feedback, then. But here is something to start you off;
lindajwsun: As a child, I was in and out of the hospital so frequently that some of my earliest memories involve my being around the hospital bed. My childhood amusement often entails a game of role-play with my toy stethoscope, a syringe and a tattered doll, which would be adequate for my practice of medicine. This may have originated my fascination with health and science, it was no surprise that I decided to study biology at University of Toronto and later specialized in immunology.
I really liked your first sentence. It certainly had me curious as to why you spent so much time in the hospital and i admit, i was expecting the next line to give some sort of an explanation. So, when you started to talk about your childhood amusement, it threw me off a little. Maybe you could add in another line to describe why you were in the hospital so often?.....OR just start off with "My childhood amusement..."
other corrections:
"often entailed"
"These games triggered my fascination....science, hence, it was no surprise...."
hope this helped and I'll go through the other paragraphs soon.
:)
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