I am writing my narrative essay for CASPA pa school application. It is a personal statement prompt. I am really scatterbrained and I have difficulty writing what I am thinking so I would really appreciate any help you are willing to give. It is a rough draft and not quite put together.
One of my first patients as a healthcare professional gave me my most memorable lesson in life so far. It was a memorable experience because at the time I was a new healthcare partner and speeding through life. She made me slow down and appreciate the value of life. She was a fragile, but strong-willed lady who woke up every morning with a smile on her face, grateful to be alive. She was taking everyday one step at a time while I was running through life. After the first few weeks of helping her and talking with her, she said she was thankful to be around such caring people with bright smiles and thanked god for the healthcare team for going out of our way to ensure she was comfortable. She had never experienced such love and compassion from previous healthcare providers. It was the first time I really stopped to think about how going the extra mile and a simple smile can effect a patient's day. She made an impact on my life, because she showed me how beautiful and precious life is and to not take it for granted. This memorable experience helped me recognize the difference we are making in the patients' lives simply by caring.
My life experiences have shaped my values and beliefs and have motivated me to become not just a physician assistant but an influential and successful one that provides quality care to the community. Since the young age of five, I found early success in athletics specifically through the sport of swimming. Following in my family's footsteps, I continued my education and career as a division 1 collegiate student-athlete. I learned the value of dedication, determination, hard work, and perseverance individually and as a team member. While captain of the Eastern Michigan University Women's Swimming and Diving team, we strove to take responsibility for our actions, be a respectful and dependable team mate, and represent ourselves, the community and the university with integrity. As a team, we were able to win the first Women's Swimming Mid-American Conference Championship for the school. It is an incredible feeling to accomplish a goal as a team.
My experiences in athletics have helped me transition into a successful healthcare professional. As a nursing assistant, we are part of a team of nurses, physicians, physicians assistants, nurse practitioners, therapists, dieticians, and administrators. The success of the healthcare team is dependent on the communication and dedication to providing quality care. I work at Avalon by Otterbein, a small house skilled nursing neighborhood which focuses on patient-centered care and liberating elders from the mindset of institutional care. The diversity of patients and team members makes each day an unique and rewarding experience. The rewards that come from improving the patients' quality of life have motivated me to become an influential and successful physician assistant. Through my healthcare experiences I have grown not only as healthcare professional, but also an individual. I have become a great listener, an assertive partner, and a positive worker to the patients and healthcare team which are important attributes for physician assistants.
Specifically, physicians assistant is the perfect healthcare profession for me because I can effectively communicate with healthcare team members while being self-directed and driven. Determination, perseverance and hard work has taught me how to succeed throughout life. Along with my passion for medicine and healing people my desire to provide quality care to under served communities. My life experiences have shaped my values and beliefs into the person I am today which has motivated me to be an influential and successful physician assistant.
thanks!
Sometimes writing gets better when you take out some expendable words and phrases:
One of my first patients as a healthcare professional gave me my most memorable life lesson. in life so far.
Also...
It was a memorable experience because at the time I was a new healthcare partner and speeding through life. She made me slow down and appreciate the value of life. She was a fragile but strong-willed lady who ...
You asked about the transitions... You can just change a single word and it will make a better transition:
My Such life experiences have shaped my...
values and beliefs and have motivated me to become not just a physician assistant but an influential and successful one that provides quality care to the community. (Can you replace this sentence with a sentence that tells about a similarity between healthcare and sports? Healthcare is indeed a team sport.) Since the young age of five, I found early
Too simplistic. The paragraph topic sentences should be interesting sentences that support the interesting main idea of the essay. What is the fascinating concept that you want to use as the theme for the essay? You showed that you can write well; now show a great concept/theme that you want the reader to associated with you. I have an idea: Can you discuss TEAM BUILDING and teamwork at the beginning of the essay and make it the theme for the whole essay? That would be an interesting approach to discussing your health care aspirations. Discuss teamwork in healthcare, athletics, and one other area.
:-)
