Hello!! Here is my long PS for Ms accounting. The words limit of this ps is 500-750.
Could you guys plz spend sometime read through this letter and give me some advice to improve it?
Any comment will be fine. Great thanks in advance!!! ^^
Please find the PS as following:
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I have always held a healthy sense of curiosity towards the learning of business practices, and I would like to stay that I feel somehow, the spirit of a business woman has been kept alive since my much younger days; it plays a significant part in my decision to become a business undergraduate during my college career. From the time of a small online book shopping venture I had in middle school in China while internet shopping was still a concept oblivious to many, to later in my college days and learned to be more disciplined and analytical towards the rigorous studies of a broad range of topics from economics, marketing, finance and accounting, my dabbling in the fields only affirmed my belief that I have chosen the right path, and made me realized what my true focus is to be. It was an opportunity while I was working with the **********, to analyze and optimized the wine inventory for ********** , I had the first real world practice in the principles of accounting that I had only previously encountered in the books. And not to my surprises, the application has an added layer of complexity beyond the pages, and I was the farthest thing from just simple book keeping and generating reports and balance sheets. The knowledge of accounting was like the finance and then onto logistics. And it was out of this experience that I had truly made up my mind that becoming an accountant is more than just another choice or path in my own career, but also a challenge, a calling that I know for sure I wish to answer. And this is how I am led to the doorway of joining the master's program in accounting at (XXXXXX University), as I am confident this would be the best investment I could make towards realizing my own goal.
Accounting is the language of business, and as the world is coming together and with business from all different countries expanding into new and unknown territories, it is uttermost important to speak the local dialect, with China and the U.S. being an example that demonstrates this effect most well. I believe the concepts and the needs for the studies of accounting are the same for both, yet the rules and regulations still vary and differ significantly. So as I had learned to speak English and French, now I wish to learn more about the rules and practices in the U.S. accounting system GAAP, and hopefully in the near future, I could become one of the members that push the collective understanding and facilitate the accounting process of companies that conduct business in both countries.
I understand completely the elevated intensity in academics that comes with a rigorous program in graduate school and also the upped challenge of going to study abroad, however, I feel that my experiences and the foundation laid down in my previous journey would have me well prepared to face them confidently. And given the recent news for the merging of Booz&Company with PWC, I sense that a shift in the practice in the field of accounting is at the horizon. The services in accounting would expend from the traditional auditing and tax service mainly, towards an offering of complete business solution in operations and strategy. This change would surely bring new excitement to the topics of accounting.
I sincerely thank you for your consideration, and I hope you find my confidence, understanding and passion to be commensurate with the requirements and expectation of the program. And I believe at (XXXXXXXX), I will have all the opportunity to experience the wonderful world of accounting both in theory and application.
.... Sorry for being late :(
I have always held a healthy sense of curiosity towards the learning of business practices, and I would like to stay that I feel somehow, the spirit of a business woman has been kept alive since my much younger days;
.... this is good, but I feel it would be better if you made it shorter or had two sentences instead of one as it appears to be a bit too longer for me.
From the time of a small online book shopping venture I had in middle school in China while internet shopping was still a concept oblivious to many, to later in my college days and learned to be more disciplined and analytical towards the rigorous studies of a broad range of topics from economics, marketing, finance and accounting, my dabbling in the fields only affirmed my belief that I have chosen the right path, and made me realized what my true focus is to be.
Hey... this one is even longer. You need to shorten the length of your sentences. The long sentences require the reader to memorize all those details and this disturbs his interest in your writing :(
Thank you very much!! :] I will pay attention to these long sentences.
Except for this problem, is there any logical errors that I need to improve? I found the first paragraph was too vague to illustrate the motivation to pursue this degree.
My friend said this sentence was weird because of its logical problem．How can I edit it?
"Accounting is the language of business, and as the world is coming together and with business from all different countries expanding into new and unknown territories, it is uttermost important to speak the local dialect, with China and the U.S. being an example that demonstrates this effect most well. "
I really appreciate your comment!
Well, the main issue with your writing I find is the length of your sentences :D It actually makes reader to feel like giving up reading your sentences in full. You need to pay attention to this issue very seriously because the admission officers read hundreds of applications in one go. So make your sentences short and direct to the point. The above line too is pretty long. You actually do not need to have poetic stuff in you PS. But you need to have facts. They give more priority for factual writing.
