Hmm I'm doing accounting too (time being at least), unfortunately. Generally, your first paragraph is stating the irrefutable necessity of accounting. Perhaps in the second you should explain what draws you to accounting :). Try to emphasize the importance of stringent accounting standards given all the uncertainty which has mounted over the last several years, due to various scandals.
I found that some CEOs and CFOs in China incorrectly underestimated the importance of the cash flows while over-focused on the profits on their balance sheets!
I'm pretty sure profits aren't measured on the balance sheet. You could correct/clarify this.
Out of curiosity, are you studying or will you be studying International Financial Reporting Standards?
Thanks very much!
It should be "profits on their Income Statements", my big fault :(
It is a wonderful idea to add something about these scandals! And I think I should combine these new information with the third paragraph (since the third paragraph talks about the influence of sub-prime crisis on accounting).
Im studying in a English University, so I am studying IFRS :)
He always told me, "It is important for a...
...is restricted by its accounting ability." ---> right here, after this sentence, write a sentence that gives your most important message for the whole essay. Read the essay again, decide on the most important message, and write it as a sentence right here.
THEN, start paragraph 2:
After I have taken numerous courses in accounting, financing and accounting...
It is good to tell about these experiences, definitely! It is also good to tell about academic achievement, but sometimes experience is even more important. The most important part of this is to make it so that there is a "moral to the story," a special truth that you represent. Show your philosophy of life a little bit, and let it serve as a "frame" around your essay. Give your main theme, your main idea, in both the first and last paragraph.
After achieving the MBA degree, I will devote myself entirely to be an accounting manager in the Information Technology Industry, which is full of inspiration and innovation. I make this choice because...
Use my philosophy of life to build a frame for essay. What a great idea! I think it will really help me improve this essay!
Thanks for your tip and correction!
Well, it is a new job for me to think about "my little philosophy of life" now...