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A graduate admission essay (MS of Accounting)

UNNC_LarryThreads: 1 Posts: 2	Dec 25, 2009, 11:26am #1
Im a poor english guy :( ... And it will be my great honour to have your help to correct the mistakes in these two essays. Otherwise, there is another question that, in the first topic, do I talk too much about my experiences? Does the USA universities focus more on the students' academical abilities rather than their experiences? Should I talk more about my academical achievement? Why I pursue accounting as my studying field? My decision to be an accounting student is significantly stimulated by my grandfather, the former CFO of one of the largest chemical groups in China and vice-chairman of the Chinese Institute of Certified Public Accountants. He always told me that "It is important for a healthy company to have a good accounting department which could completely support the activities of company. Today the duty of accountants and CFOs is more than ever before, especially when the potential growth of the company is restricted by its accounting ability." After I have taken numerous courses in accounting, financing and accounting management, I realized that these undergraduate courses can only teach students the basic accounting knowledge. Consequently I spent more time to join additional studies or social activities which can improve my accounting skills. In 2008, I transferred my interest to marketing and intended to change my study major. Then I won an internship as a market monitor of the Coca-Cola Zhejiang Company and leaded a sale team as the only soft drink supporter in 'Hangzhou International Children's Folklore & Folkgame Festival'. However, two events finally convinced me that it is my duty to continue study on accounting. Firstly, after taking my internship in Coca-Cola Zhejiang Company, I had an honour to participate in the training of Registered CFO of China (hold by the Chinese Institute of Certified Public Accountants). In this program, I found that many S.M.E. CFOs have little knowledge about the most advanced accounting methods. For instance, few CFOs in this training program had heard about the ABC system. The other event was the experiences I learned from my conservations with CFOs and senior accounting managers. For example, in 2007, when I was a volunteer in the conference of "Financial Innovation of Chinese Private Enterprises" (held by China Association of Chief Financial Officers), I found that some CEOs and CFOs in China incorrectly underestimated the importance of the cash flows while over-focused on the profits on their balance sheets! In addition, I recognize that the ability to foresee the future trend of accounting is core to an excellent accountant, especially CFO. I pick up "The Impact of Sub-Prime Crisis on Global Accounting" as the topic of my business school dissertation which is designed to find out the frauds in the wrong risk measurement and reserves calculation for troubled housing loans also with the frauds in current accounting standards and the deficiencies of shadow bank system. What is my career plan after earning a graduate degree? In short-term, I will work hard to pass the CPI examination and to be an accountant. This is a necessary step in my career for practicing my accounting skills and preparing for my next step. In long-term, I plan to join a MBA program in order to pursue my dream of being a great accounting manager like my grandfather. The MBA program should improve my management skills also with my analytic capacity. After achieving the MBA degree, I will devote myself entirely to be an accounting manager in the Information Technology Industry which is full of inspirations and innovations. I make this chose because computer-related business needs special accounting ability to deal with its high financial risk and also because this will be a new challenge in my career that makes me exciting. When retire, I will open a restaurant in the University of XXX. The restaurant will provides American, English and Indian healthy foods to students and staffs who have not many dinning choices for their dinners. Moreover, the restaurant's revenues will be used to build a small fund which helps poor children go to school.

Mustafa1991Threads: 10 Posts: 406 Author: Mustafa	Dec 28, 2009, 06:14am #2
Hmm I'm doing accounting too (time being at least), unfortunately. Generally, your first paragraph is stating the irrefutable necessity of accounting. Perhaps in the second you should explain what draws you to accounting :). Try to emphasize the importance of stringent accounting standards given all the uncertainty which has mounted over the last several years, due to various scandals. Btw: UNNC_Larry: I found that some CEOs and CFOs in China incorrectly underestimated the importance of the cash flows while over-focused on the profits on their balance sheets! I'm pretty sure profits aren't measured on the balance sheet. You could correct/clarify this. Out of curiosity, are you studying or will you be studying International Financial Reporting Standards?

EF_KevinThreads: 33 Posts: 14,204 Author: You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads! [Moderator]	Dec 28, 2009, 04:21pm #3
He always told me, "It is important for a... ...is restricted by its accounting ability." ---> right here, after this sentence, write a sentence that gives your most important message for the whole essay. Read the essay again, decide on the most important message, and write it as a sentence right here. THEN, start paragraph 2: After I have taken numerous courses in accounting, financing and accounting... It is good to tell about these experiences, definitely! It is also good to tell about academic achievement, but sometimes experience is even more important. The most important part of this is to make it so that there is a "moral to the story," a special truth that you represent. Show your philosophy of life a little bit, and let it serve as a "frame" around your essay. Give your main theme, your main idea, in both the first and last paragraph. After achieving the MBA degree, I will devote myself entirely to be an accounting manager in the Information Technology Industry, which is full of inspiration and innovation. I make this choice because...

UNNC_LarryThreads: 1 Posts: 2	Jan 1, 2010, 12:24pm #4
Mustafa1991: Hmm I'm doing accounting too (time being at least), unfortunately. Generally, your first paragraph is stating the irrefutable necessity of accounting. Perhaps in the second you should explain what draws you to accounting :). Try to emphasize the importance of stringent accounting standards given all the uncertainty which has mounted over the last several years, due to various scandals. Btw: UNNC_Larry: I found that some CEOs and CFOs in China incorrectly underestimated the importance of the cash flows while over-focused on the profits on their balance sheets! I'm pretty sure profits aren't measured on the balance sheet. You could correct/clarify this. Out of curiosity, are you studying or will you be studying International Financial Reporting Standards? Thanks very much! It should be "profits on their Income Statements", my big fault :( It is a wonderful idea to add something about these scandals! And I think I should combine these new information with the third paragraph (since the third paragraph talks about the influence of sub-prime crisis on accounting). Im studying in a English University, so I am studying IFRS :) EF_Kevin: He always told me, "It is important for a... ...is restricted by its accounting ability." ---> right here, after this sentence, write a sentence that gives your most important message for the whole essay. Read the essay again, decide on the most important message, and write it as a sentence right here. THEN, start paragraph 2: After I have taken numerous courses in accounting, financing and accounting... It is good to tell about these experiences, definitely! It is also good to tell about academic achievement, but sometimes experience is even more important. The most important part of this is to make it so that there is a "moral to the story," a special truth that you represent. Show your philosophy of life a little bit, and let it serve as a "frame" around your essay. Give your main theme, your main idea, in both the first and last paragraph. After achieving the MBA degree, I will devote myself entirely to be an accounting manager in the Information Technology Industry, which is full of inspiration and innovation. I make this choice because... Use my philosophy of life to build a frame for essay. What a great idea! I think it will really help me improve this essay! Thanks for your tip and correction! Well, it is a new job for me to think about "my little philosophy of life" now...

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