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essay for graduate admission in MPH and why it fits as a career choice


wachu 1 / 1  
Mar 30, 2010   #1
STATEMENT
My name is Naomi Goyo and I come from a place called Takum, in Taraba state, Nigeria. In my community, access to health services is extremely difficult, the facilities are underdeveloped and the conditions for health treatment are very poor, most especially for the women and children. The existing clinics do not have the basic necessities for treating the various common diseases and consequently, people suffer every day from lack of proper treatment which results from poor service delivery.

As a result of this, I started out to study medicine in the university, but then opted for biology as I realized that getting an understanding from the foundation will go a long way in providing long term health solutions. As I undertook my studies, I realized that there were other ways or capacities through which I could help places like my community to improve awareness on health and other vital issues. As I studied the course, I began to understand the biology of various organisms, their behaviour and the factors that enhances breeding and survival. As I studied various aspects such as epidemiology and animal behaviour, I realized that the issues associated with common diseases can be tackled from a whole new different perspective.

Malaria, Typhoid, HIV/AIDS, Hepatitis A & B, Polio, Cholera, Pneumonia, Influenza, Cancer; these and many more are the diseases that plague our globe; these affect people of every race, colour and age, they make orphans of children and widows of husbands / wives. For instance, in my country Nigeria, there is a high prevalence of Malaria which is a leading cause of morbidity and mortality in the country. The disease accounts for 25 per cent of infant mortality and thirty per cent of childhood mortality and as a result imposes a great burden on the country in terms of pains and trauma suffered by its victims as well as loss in outputs and costs of treatments

I would like to study Public Health so that I can contribute my quota in confronting complex health issues, such as improving access to health care, controlling infectious disease, and reducing environmental hazards, violence, substance abuse, and injury, so as to protect health today and in the future. My Country is facing crucial health issues and as such is in need of Public Health professionals to help alleviate the crisis in the country. I would like to bring about a positive change in my community and my country at large, to be the change that I can, and to do that, I need the best education and experience possible and it is for this reason that I am applying to your institution, because I believe that your institution has the best opportunities to offer.
jade 2 / 7  
Mar 30, 2010   #2
L3: the various forms of common diseases.
L6: realized( this word just appeared in the former sentence. considering syntax variety, I suggest you replacing it with "came to know that")

L12: "these affect people" would be better if changed to: "these plagues" or simply "they"
L13: "there is a high prevalence of Malaria which is a leading cause of morbidity and mortality in the country" this sentence seems problematic to me.

L19: "crucial health issues" I prefer substitute "crucial" for "fatal"

Good luck!
OP wachu 1 / 1  
Mar 31, 2010   #3
thanks so so much for your input, i wonder however, does my essay seem impersonal to you, cos i have gone through other people's essays and it seemed to me like they stemmed from personal experiences??
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 1, 2010   #4
Awesome... you are great.

In response to this, I started out to study medicine in the university, but then ...

Here are some style ideas:
My Country country is facing crucial health issues and as such is in need of public health professionals to help alleviate the crisis. in the country. I would like to bring about a positive change in my community and my country at large, to be the bringer of whatever positive change that I can bring, and to do that, I need the best education and experience possible. and it It is for this reason that I am applying to your institution; I believe that your institution has the best opportunities to offer.

This does NOT seem impersonal. It is brilliant... seriously.


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