hey guys
i am applying to a few schools for pol sci. So thought id share my personal statement, please give your comments!
STATEMENT OF PURPOSE
Saadi Agha
'Five children killed in an armed attack on a school bus"- read the headlines this morning as I opened the newspaper. Living in Pakistan one gets accustomed to such news due to its sheer frequency, but this is perhaps the first time the violence was directed towards a soft target such as children. It was an unnerving feeling which gripped the nation at large, sending out a strong message; "no ones life was going to be spared in the global jihad". While the western media is superfluous with the rhetoric on the 'war on terror', the militants have developed their own independent propaganda network, which is active in places where Pakistan's and the global communities writ is weak, thus influencing the thoughts and actions of a large area in Pakistan and Afghanistan. Insecurity has gripped the nation since the last two decades, and stifled any form of real growth or collective happiness the country and the people would have appreciated.
As I was growing up, I never realized the intensity of violence and extremism in the country. Throughout my life I remained apolitical and never found any reason to think otherwise. With the passage of time and during my undergraduate I started to look at situations more intricately and tried to question the dominant beliefs in my country. This was perhaps, one of the most enlightening experiences of my life as my thoughts and attitudes underwent a change. I was doing a degree in Economics and Development Studies, while economics taught me a great deal about the economy; it was perhaps development studies that changed my life dramatically. Development studies relied on economics, but being an eclectic subject area, drew extensively on sociology, politics and international relations. My love for politics was kindled at that point, and I gradually became involved in understanding the working of the world. In my first year I took a course called 'globalization', and realized the importance of the interconnected world. I learned to appreciate international issues and their implications on my country. One such issue, which I have mentioned earlier, was the threat of terrorism plaguing the world. At that point in my life I never realized the extent of this menace, and believed the situation to be media hype. However as I studied more and my knowledge of the subject increased, I realized the complex, and intricate nature of this perilous problem.
It is difficult streamline a singular reason that pushed me to study and understand the conflict, which governed the country, but it was perhaps the attitudes of other students my age, which played the strongest role. It was incorrectly believed that the main reason for increasing terrorism in Pakistan was the high level of illiteracy and poverty, it was generally overlooked that such attitudes were present even in the educated elite. The global community realized this after a few international incidents, where the perpetrators involved were western educated youth. In Pakistan a similar story follows.
Discussing such issues with my colleagues, made me realize that most of them refused to identify the militants attacking Pakistan and the world, as barbaric, inhumane, and dangerous. While most of these students would probably not become militants themselves, they were still sympathetic to their causes. This was, and still is worrisome. With such attitudes present in the urban elite, any chances of Pakistan becoming a secular, liberal country and the threat of terrorism reducing in the world are rapidly eroding. How can this war be fought when the educated youth in Pakistan are convinced that this is not their war? Being faced with this scenario, I have developed an intense desire to work on the situation at a national and transnational level. For this purpose, I chose to apply for a Master's program in international affairs with a prospective specialization in 'Conflict and Security'. My aim is to work on de radicalizing the youth in Pakistan and other countries where extremism is on the rise. I have devised a three-step process to achieve this aim.
Firstly, I think we need a greater understanding of this group. Which means, a lot more research needs to be done with this target group. This has been absent in Pakistan, and the situation is even more apparent in Afghanistan. I am looking to pursue this by applying to the P.H.D program with the completion of my Master's degree. I want to specifically research the perceptions of terrorism in the urban youth in Pakistan. I believe I will be able to find insight, and knowledge that could prove quintessential in understanding this trend. The youth's attitudes, perception to global politics and lack of understanding of religious scriptures are some of the reasons, which have pointed to this radlicalization. However, unless there is more concentrated research, conclusive evidence will be hard to come by.
Secondly, I am looking to continue my current profession, which is to teach high school students. This group is most easily swayed by emotions, and in some cases rational thought is muddled, which results in some students not understanding the complete picture of this war against terrorism. Instilling them with critical insight, and opening their eyes to a diversity of opinions is key to de radicalizing them.
And lastly, my eventual long-term goal is to collaborate with other countries and start a global student exchange program, which focus primarily on tackling the rising isolationism, and anti-western attitudes in Pakistan. These attitudes are the most important elements in radicalizing the society in Pakistan. Providing these students with a diversity of opinions can be very useful in counteracting the influence.
My Master's education is going to be extremely important for my goal to fight global insecurity. While I am expecting to learn and increase my knowledge base, I am also looking to network and discuss possible solutions with other graduates. New York is going to be an enriching experience, due to its diversity and most of all its location. This will provide me with the best possible mix of receiving excellent standard education, and also understand and develop key responses to quell the wave of extremism. As part of the course, I am also looking to develop research skills, which was not part of my Bachelor's program. The New School has a very good reputation and I am looking forward to study in an academically challenging environment if I am selected.
Words missing :
With the passage of time and during my undergraduate years I started toIt is difficult to streamline a singular ...It was incorrectly believed that the main reason for increasing terrorism in Pakistan was the high level of illiteracy and poverty, it was generally overlooked that such attitudes were present even in the educated elite.
This looks like a run-on sentence. You should replace the comma with a full stop.
Comma added: This was, and still is
, worrisome
Okay, this is a good, and thoughtfully written, essay. I like the way you write. You have made it very clear what your future goals are, and how YOU intend to achieve them. However, I don't think you touched much on how the masters degree will help you attain these goals. You've just mentioned one line about your prospective specialisation, but you didn't elaborate it.
You need to put some academic stuff here -- like mentioning the course modules you are interested in, or the work done by some of the professors that you like. Basically, you need to show why you have selected this particular university's MA programme over others.
The last paragraph is too general to be convincing.
