(applying for the Masters of Art in Teaching) Essay

I'm applying for a Masters in Education and I would like some input on the essay that I have written. Have I answered most of the points? Any grammatical errors? Would you select me based off of this essay alone? Suggestions on how to improve upon it?

Here's the essay topic:
Thinking clearly about issues and expressing these thoughts in writing are important aspects of graduate study at XXX College. So that we can learn more about your interest in becoming a teacher, we would like you to discuss the following question in a coherent, well-organized essay of three to four, typewritten, double-spaced pages.

What is your motivation to become a middle or high school teacher and what do you think will make you a successful student in this program?

Your essay might include some of the following points:
Your interest in changing careers and pursuing a teaching certificate;
Your understanding of the challenges of teaching;
Any expertise you have acquired on the job that might transfer to a teaching situation;
Any experiences that have helped you develop your insights and expertise in working with middle and/or adolescent youth; and
The personal attributes and characteristics which enable teachers to work effectively with students between the ages of 12 and 17.

And here is my essay:

Of the goals that one can set for themselves in their lives among the most noble is the pursuit of knowledge. In achieving this goal it becomes possible to open the doors to an endless fountain of opportunities. The beauty of knowledge is that once it is gained by one it can be shared with other people. The ability to impart the knowledge that is gained by one person onto others then may be among the noblest gifts that one can possess. Yet not all people possess the aptitude to convey ideas to others in such a manner that the subject matter can be easily understood. It is the rare person that possesses such capabilities that can truly inspire the mind to dream and crave the pursuit of further knowledge. The goal of the educator is to use the skills they possess and their past experiences to create an environment where the student becomes passionate about furthering their pursuit of knowledge. If an educator is successful in instilling the desire to pursue further enlightenment in their pupils then they have created what few can, hope in a brighter future for our children, as it is those students who will be the creators of the future. Throughout grade school and college, I was lucky enough to have had the pleasure of having many teachers who possessed these qualities, and it is my goal in life to become such an educator.

As for myself, I have been interested in joining the education profession for the better part of decade. Although the path taken towards realizing this goal has been a meandering one, it is not without benefits and lessons. This path started while I was still in high school and practiced as a Sunday school teacher for the first and second grade students. It was during this time that I became acquainted with a child by the name of Brian who has left a lasting impression on me. Brian often had trouble concentrating on the lessons of the day. As a way to get his attention focused it was a weekly routine of ours to actually leave the classroom and go down the hall to another room so that he could get the individualized attention that he needed. During this experience, I became appreciative of the rewards that are acquired through the gaining of the attention of another person to aid them in becoming a better student. After several of these individualized sessions Brian became a fantastic student even though the method of conveying the lesson plan to him was not the same it was for everyone else in the class.

My path form there took me through to XXX University at the State University of XX with my experience there culminating in a Bachelors of Science in Biochemistry. The education that I received while attending XXX University will certainly serve well in the capacity to educate students at secondary school level, as much of the education is focused on practical application of knowledge. It was at XXX that I had my first taste of sterile laboratory technique and learned why it necessary for all laboratory settings. Since then I have found that the laboratory skills that I learned through my laboratory based classes have been extraordinarily helpful in obtaining repeatable results in experiments and clinical procedures.

Following my tenure at XXX University, I became gainfully employed as a Laboratory Technician specializing in Microbiology Quality Assurance. In this setting, my duty was maintain a highly sterile environment so as to minimize the chance of incidentally contaminating the large quantity of specimens while preparing them for incubation and testing. In order to accomplish this task it was necessary to properly maintain a running log of factors in the laboratory such as equipment temperatures, maintenance procedures, and any abnormal occurrences.

The skills that I learned in my first occupation transferred well towards my next occupation which was that of a Medical Laboratory Technician specializing in human Assisted Reproduction Techniques. The skills necessary to perform this occupation include very strong organizational laboratory skills. The organization that is required to perform the daily operations of the laboratory is evident in how it is necessary to complete the task of sterile sample preparation in a specific time window. If the technician doesn't complete each step of a multistep procedure in a specific amount of time it can drastically affect the quality of the final outcome of the procedure. This ability to organize all of the patients in the course of a day so that all of the procedures have the optimal outcome, is a skill that translates well to the classroom, as it is necessary in the classroom to complete a lesson plan in a set period of time even if there are distractions that occur during that allotted time frame. During my tenure in this occupation, I have also been given responsibility for providing the other technicians with an educational session on the proper use of our immunochemistry instrument.

As I think back on my past experiences, I believe that I have some unique qualities and abilities that translate well towards a successful career in education. It is my intention to be a great high school Chemistry teacher and I believe that I possess the ability to be such. In applying for the Masters of Art in Teaching at XXX College, I look forward to the opportunity to fulfill my passion for instilling in future generations a desire to learn more about there surroundings and simultaneously to prepare them for their futures with practical skills and knowledge. In doing so I can make a huge impact on how the others view the world and hopefully make the world a better place for all.

I thought you did an excellent job. Your essay sounds thought out and well articulated. Where do you plan on attending graduate school for your master's?

Thank you for your feedback Jerber. I'm planning on attending graduate school in New York but would prefer to keep the exact location under wraps.

I totally understand. Good luck.

Look at this intro... not good! It is awkward and full of unnecessary words. Whenever you say "one can set for themselves," it sounds wrong.

Less is more:
Of the goals that one can set for themselves in their lives a Among the most noble goals is the pursuit of knowledge.

The skills that I learned in my first occupation transferred well towards my next occupation which was when I became a Medical Laboratory Technician specializing in

Don't say translate towards or transfer towards...
As I think back on my past experiences, I believe that I have some unique qualities and abilities that prepare me to a successful career in education ___________ say something about the actual work... prepare me to empower children and communicate with them effectively.

It is my intention to be a great high school Chemistry teacher and I believe that I possess the ability to be such. Challenge yourself to write the sentence in a way that expresses a powerful insight about teaching. Make every sentence count. It is not interesting to read sentences that simply assert a general goal. Share an insight about education.

:-)