Advanced Degree in Nursing through eletronic learning: Admission Essay

Please someone help me with my admission essay and i will be glad for any suggestions.

Purpose and Goal of Having Advanced Degree in Nursing

As I think carefully about why I want to pursue a Master's of Science in Nursing degree, I think of my favorite passage from the book of Diane Whitehead. She stated that "to be an effective nurse, you must be an effective leader" and that "true leaders never stop learning and growing". My mother has always been my inspiration to my profession. I saw the way she sincerely educate her patients and the smiles she get with every help. Her compassion in care motivates me to be a good nurse. I like to listen to my patients and I like sharing my knowledge. I do not give nursing interventions because I have to but I like to. I do not stop caring for my patients after the nurse's notes and medications sheets were done. I want to make sure they get the best care possible because I desire to be an effective nurse.

I was first drawn to Master's degree of Nursing as I began to work my own thesis. My thesis had many corrections and succeeding papers had red marks with below average grades. I read journals and dissertations to understand how to conduct a study properly. I made a lot of revisions to my study until such time; I got the highest thesis grade of A+. Later on, my classmates ask for my help and I confidently shared them what I know and how I was able to come up with A+ grade. In return, I also learned from them. This made me so proud of myself and gain confidence as a researcher. At that time, I told myself that if I will be given a chance I would like to educate people and contribute to improvement of nursing care through research. My employment goal is to provide quality nursing care by becoming an effective leader in one of the JCAHO accredited hospitals in Saudi Arabia. Furthermore, I dream to be a role model of continuing education to Filipino nurses abroad especially that there are rapid technological advances in healthcare system which makes nursing profession more challenging. I believe as a nurse with leadership role, I have the responsibility of teaching and sharing the knowledge I possess. With all my ambitions, I thought I can no longer pursue higher education since I will be going back to Jeddah soon. However, with the opportunity given by one of the prestigious schools in Manila - University of the Philippines Open University, it will be possible. With distance learning, lectures will be given online which makes it more convenient because I can continue education while looking for a job or working. I believe that the lecturers from this respected University will help me achieved a successful career. Lecturers are highly competent and recognized through many international and national awards. With the reasons above, I will do everything it takes from this point on to be a part of University of the Philippines Open University as I pursue my Master's degree in Nursing.

I suggest you to start with that saying and then tell why you want to pursue this nursing degree;
"To be an effective nurse, you must be an effective leader" . These are the words of Diane Whitehead that exactly describe why I want to pursue a Master's of Science in Nursing.


Well... this idea comes pretty abruptly because there is no connection between with the previous line and this one. You need to set up some link between to two lines to have a good flow for your essay.

Okay okay thank you very much for the comment. I will change that part of my essay