Admission Essay for Speech Language Pathology-Personal Challange

Hi, So I am applying to graduate schools for speech language pathology and one of the admissions essays had to be of a personal challenge. It has to be from 250 - 300 words. i would typically show my friends my essays but I don't think that I want to for this one.

Please let me know what you think.

There was a knock at the door. The navy blue uniform and polished badge peered through the crack, and I fell to the floor. There was no question in my mind as to why these police officers were on my front porch. The following days were filled with choosing flowers and planning ceremonies. At the time it was all somewhat surreal, somehow I was more worried about my eighth grade math test then anything else going on.

My father was a great man at heart, but when I was only three years old he was struck with a disease. It was not something that required a wheel chair or many transfusions. Instead there were days that he would stay in bed until five and others that he would clean the entire house and do all of the food shopping in an hour. My fathers severe manic depressive disorders prevented me from ever knowing the real him, and also created many hardships in my childhood. The manic episodes were hard to handle, but depressive states were the worst. At times I would be responsible to ensure that he took his medications for the day, even though they did not help much. There were many times that I was woken in the middle of the night to make a trip to the hospital, sometimes my father would go voluntarily, and other times when a straightjacket would be "administered" on my front lawn.

The fact that I never truly knew the good man behind the disorder is what makes his death hard to handle. Even eight years later it is hard to believe that I will never be "daddy's little girl" or have him walk me down the aisle. Yet the idea that he is in a better place where his disorder can no longer afflicts him is what gets me though each day.

Other than not "truly" knowing your father, (by "real him," do you mean a non-manic depressive man?) and (the hardships of) coping with him, I don't feel that the examples in your essay does justice to what you went through to substantiate or portray the experience as a personal challenge (what the prompt asked for.) My takeaway was that you had to put up with it the best you could, given the circumstances. This doesn't really qualify as a challenge i.e. you had NO choice.

You don't mention any other family member. Were you alone? If so, you should say so. Write about how you got through school and childhood without a father? What or who gave you courage and encouragement? What or who were you inspired by? A teacher? Did having to grow up by yourself without a strong father figure toughen you?? ... how did you decide to pursue grad school? Did any of these early experiences influence you be interested in speech language pathology?

I don't love this essay for speech pathology admissions. Don't get me wrong, the essay overall is fine, but what does it show in regards to speech? Maybe you could swing it/find something else that relates better. Or if not to speech then how about growth academically or something to that effect. I have always heard that when asked for a negative answer (what are your weaknesses etc.) you should swing a positive into a negative- "I am so task oriented that when I am assigned a task I do not like to stop until it is 100% perfect." That advice has been for interviews I've had, but I think it could work in this case too. Good luck!