academic background, interests, study, activities, career plan - SOP

Hi,

I am having problems in editing, formatting and polishing my SOP. I hope my problem will be solved here.It would be appreciated if you could help me get my SOP cleared from all faults. Below is the said document....

"The greatest tragedy is not the destruction of our natural resources, though that tragedy is great. The truly great tragedy is the destruction of our human resource by our failure to fully utilize our abilities, which means that most of men and women go to their graves with their music still in them."

India has a population of 1.15billion people and its currently world's second largest country but still there are lakhs of people unemployed. This makes me believe that we really need to develop our skills in utilizing the untapped talents.

Academic background
Since school days, I have always been regarded as an academically brilliant student. I was even given the title of "All rounder" by one of my professor. I was always among the top 10% student. Even during my college days i have been seen as a person who has maintained good relation with professors and classmates. I have always been able to lead a team while carrying out any academic projects. It is my desire and passion to contribute my education and management skills in the domain of HR management.

Area of interest
I want to study human resource for 2 reasons. Firstly, as a part of my academic curriculum I did and internship with Bangkok fashion first as a Asst. visual merchandiser where I was able to handle a team of people. I was good with working in a team. I was more interested in solving people's problem rather than marketing so that made me think of taking up human resource as a further study. Secondly, the business is now shifting from secondary sector to the tertiary sector, which means there will be more demand for trained and motivated employees and so it motivates me to deepen my knowledge about the people factor of an organisation.

Preparation for post-graduation study
I have been planning a career in human resource after I did my internship, and as a management undergraduate, I primarily concentrated on getting a solid background of all the areas of management from production to finance to human resource to marketing. The 3 years of my BMS program also equipped me with team work, time management, leadership skills and communication skill. During my course of study I had an opportunity to study subjects like "Foundation of human skills", "Effective communication" and Human resource management" which always took my attention. Having gathered basic information on human resource I decided to go for further studies to get both theoretical and practical knowledge on the topic.

Extra-curricular activities
Apart from academic interests, I also have a diverse experience in extra-curricular activities. I was an active participant in cultural events like drama and dance. I have been in drama competition at state level. I was also a part of many dance events in school and colleges. I have been a part of inter-college dance competition and my college stood 3rd in it. I have been a part of my school's basketball team which played at district level. I have also been a part of NEN (NATIONAL ENTREPRENEURSHIP NETWORK) to which my college was a part. We have had great seminars from entrepreneurs and also business idea generation competition which gave us an opportunity to present our idea.

Career plan
I look forward to starting up my own business as I am from a business background so business fascinates me a lot. I believe that for a firm to be successful it is very important that it maintains good relation with it employees and keep them motivated all the time and they should be seen as an asset to the company and not the liability. So to make this possible I want to study human resource and get and in depth insight into all the aspects of human resource.

Why UK for post-graduation
Imagination is everything. If we can imagine a future we can create it, if we can create the future, others will live in it. This is the essence of success.

I was apprehensive thinking of my career in India, but the kind of exposure, opportunities, challenges, rewards and satisfaction that the studies in UK offers are very reassuring.

Introduction: Please give credit where it's due for the introductory quotation. Is it by Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.?


I think you need to reword the following sentence:

thank you so much for ur suggestions

I think this sentence has some problems. There are two reason clauses.

@smilingkey--can u help me fram the sentence...i m trying to do it but dint get the correct line

can anybody help me add some points in ACADEMIC BACKGROUND, CAREER PLAN, WHY STUDY IN UK AND WHY STUDY IN A PARTICULAR UNIVERSITY...PLS GIVE ME SOME POINTS PLS...

Well, one suggestion is to not repeat the word business over and over like this. The thing to do is focus on what you really want to do. Saying "business" does not mean much. Describe the kind of business you want to be involved in and what strategies you might use. If you don't have any strategies in mind, you must not be the kind of student who has a vision for the future, and your essay will reflect that. The plan you describe will be superficial.

Similarly, if you don't have any ideas about why you want to be in the UK, your ideas will be superficial. you mention "exposure, opportunities, challenges, rewards and satisfaction," but these are just abstract concepts that are not particularly linked to the UK.

Maybe your business plan is intended for enactment in the UK. Google: how to write a business plan.

You wrote a beautiful sentence about the importance about imagining the future. I think you should read some books while you are imagining, so that your imagining can turn into planning. For example, do some imagining while you read Good to Great by Collins, and you will start to get deep insight into business... insight that even adults do not have.

You are ready now to make a real plan and enact it. It'll change, but come up with a tentative plan for now and describe it in these little essays! I think you already know what is missing; it's the plan!!! :-)

thank you kevin...its a gr8 advise i wil surely work on it