Statement of Objectives (Supply Chain Management department)

Dear Moderators,
Thanks so much for your suggestion on grammar errors and the structure of the essay.(Is there something more I should add or delete to make it more like a SOO?)
Best Regards,


As a procurement team lead in Supply Chain Management department, I worked in XXX for over three years and a half. My working days are packed with unexpected situations, which range from material shortage to vessel rerouting. All the efforts and creations in my work serve only the ultimate goal ---- to ensure that all the computers will be delivered on time to our customers with the lowest logistic cost and the highest efficiency. It's a challenging job, and I love it.

As I master the general principles and methods in supply chain management, I become interested in two specific fields. The first one is forecast projection and buffer stock planning. This field is worth research because I believe that if we can provide an accurate forecast figure, we can minimize the frequent excess stock, which causes loss and jeopardizes the cash flow; and if we can keep a reasonable buffer stock, we can avoid the usual peak season shortage, which seriously impacts the company's revenue. The achievement of this goal is critical to the success of high-volume electronic products manufacturing enterprises that play a very important role in the advancement of human technology. Yet it's still difficult to achieve as it requires systematic and specialized education of several core courses such as Inventory Management, Risk Management and Supply Chain Process Optimization. To deepen my understanding and to further my study in this field, I decide to apply for the world-renowned XXX program. I believe that I can make full use of XXX program's highly specialized and comprehensive structure of curriculum. The listed courses are so closely related to my work that I can even imagine their immediate yield after I finish the program.

The other field I am interested in is how we can effectively sync new product development with supply chain. The realization of this goal will help manufacturing enterprises keep their leading positions in the global market with the newest generation of products, and thus maximize profits. By learning from the experts and their practices from other hi-tech enterprises, and by participating in the XXX, I will explore the possible ways to achieve this goal during my study, while benefiting from the diversified and professional group of classmates who are willing to share their invaluable experience.

I believe that the XXX program will boost my career in both the short term and the long term. In the short term, I am pursuing a manager or senior manager position related to supply chain management and logistic management, but not restricted to computer manufacturing business. I believe that the specific leadership techniques and analytical skills I acquire through the XXX program will prepare me for such a position. The experience and practices I learn from faculties and other classmates will serve as a precious pre-understanding of those businesses I may switch to in my later career. More importantly, the extensive XXX alumni network will provide me with many guidelines and even chances in different industries. In the long term, I plan to take a well-rounded position such as director of operation because I believe that sustainable growth of profits can not be achieved without a global view of supply chain operation and a profound understanding of the business itself. XXX program is my Apollo XIII to the Moon. In all, I am prepared for the new challenges; I come to learn, to share, and to listen.

Is XXX a company name or a place? If a place, then "in" is correct, but if XXX is a company, then the preposition you want is "at" or "for."

Do you still work there? Either way, your verb tenses are askew. If you still work there, then it should be:

"As a procurement team leader in the Supply Chain Management department, I have worked in XXX for over three years and a half. My working days are packed with unexpected situations, which range from material shortages to vessel rerouting."

If you no longer work there, then it should be:

"As a procurement team leader in the Supply Chain Management department, I worked in XXX for over three years and a half. My working days were packed with unexpected situations, which ranged from material shortages to vessel rerouting."

Thanks for your quick reply, Simone. :)
No, I no longer work for that company. Guess I will start with the tense errors.

As I master the general principles and methods in supply chain management, I become interested in two specific fields.
^have become

The first one is to forecast projection and buffer stock planning.
^buffer stock management
^Otherwise, there is no parallelism in your sentence.


This field is worth researching because I believe that if we can provide an accurate forecast figure, we can minimize the frequent excess stock, which causes loss and jeopardizes the cash flow; and if we can keep a reasonable buffer stock, we can avoid the usual peak season shortage, which seriously impacts the company's revenue.
^Who is 'we'?
Also, after the semi colon, just say 'If we can keep'

The achievement of this goal is critical to the success of high-volume electronic products manufacturing enterprises that play a very important role in the advancement of human technology.
^What goal?
^What plays an important role. The goal or high volume electronig products?

Yet it's still difficult to achieve as it requires systematic and specialized education of several core courses such as Inventory Management, Risk Management and Supply Chain Process Optimization.

To deepen my understanding and to further my study in this field, I decide to apply for the world-renowned XXX program. I believe that I can make full use of XXX program's highly specialized and comprehensive structure of curriculum. The listed courses are so closely related to my work that I can even imagine their immediate yield after I finish the program.

**I personally think you can add more. Perhaps develop how studying at the particular program will truly be beneficial. Because you only stated that you applied because you wanted to better your understanding. Perhaps you can discuss how what you learn can be practical and useful
**I also get the impression that you underestimate the reader's intelligence. It is general knowledge that accurate forecasting can reduce stock levels etc.
Try and talk about why you want to learn certain things, and how it interests you, how it appeals to you, why is it useful to know..





-The other field I am interested in is how we can effectively sync new product development with supply chain.
^Once again, who is 'we'.

The realization of this goal will help manufacturing enterprises keep their leading positions in the global market with the newest generation of products, and thus maximize profits. By learning from the experts and their practices from other hi-tech enterprises, and by participating in the XXX, I will explore the possible ways to achieve this goal during my study, while benefiting from the diversified and professional group of classmates who are willing to share their invaluable experience.
^Maybe the last sentence is not true. Because if it is a very competitive academic program, I think every man is for himself. I am not sure, I am going to college soon so I can not really say, but that is what I would think at least.
You can discuss how you intend to use the institution's research facilities appropriately and link it with your research objectives to develop your understanding and intellect of particular business principles, which are the ones you have already stated.



'I believe that the XXX program will boost my career in both the short term and the long term. In the short term, I am pursuing a manager or senior manager position related to supply chain management and logistic management, but not restricted to computer manufacturing business. I believe that the specific leadership techniques and analytical skills I acquire through the XXX program will prepare me for such a position.
^You can perhaps develop about the leadership opportunities that the XXX programs offer, and how it will develop your leadership skills.
Same for analytical skills.
What in the XXX program will allow these skills to develop??

The experience and practices I learn from faculties and other classmates will serve as a precious pre-understanding of those businesses I may switch to in my later career.
^Revise

More importantly, the extensive XXX alumni network will provide me with many guidelines and even chances in different industries.
^Fair point. Can be expressed better though.

In the long term, I plan to take a well-rounded position such as director of operation because I believe that sustainable growth of profits can not be achieved without a global view of supply chain operation and a profound understanding of the business itself.
^The job title merits capital letters.
You say that you want to become a DO and even say 'because', but do not provide a reason for your professional pursuits.
It is almost as if you believe that only Directors of Operations have 'a profound understanding of the business itself', and they alone can achieve 'susbtainable growth of profits'...

Good luck.

AS I often advice people posting in these forums, try using stronger verbs. Your main verb is often a form of "to be," and even when it's not, your verbs tend to be weak and abstract, such as "help," "avoid," "provide," "believe," etc.

This article will give you some idea of how to remedy this problem: http://www.essayforum.com/general-writing-questions-13/impor tance-choosing-strong-verbs-6143/

A big thanks to Liebe and Sean.
I am literally "reworking" it. :)