please review my "evaluating on significant experience" personal essay

so my native language is not English and I have problem with grammar and word choice.

Give me any comment, advise. anything is fine. Thanks in advance.

3. This personal essay helps us become acquainted with you in ways different from courses, grades, test scores, and other objective data.
- Given your personal background, evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, We are looking for an essay that will help us know you better as a person and as a student.

It was as if I resuscitated. I was struck with delight of sensing novelty and felt some inexplicable emotion gushing from deep in my heart. I was entering into a whole new world. On April 2nd, 2005, I heard the voice of modern dance for the first time.

My heart was pounding for curiosity as I took my seat. I opened my notebook and determined to write down as much information as I could get from the pieces. Although it was the first modern dance show I attended, my purpose was no more than a mere dance review assignment for introductory dance class. I wondered how many movements or patterns which I learned in the class I could pick out from the piece.

Hall was dimmed, so was my narrow attitude to stage. Soon everything shined with iridescent light and dancers' movements started saturating the stage. Rolling, twirling, prancing, and every other movement became more than kinetic satisfaction and penetrated my heart. Subtlety of music became apparent with dancers. I was mesmerized by how bodily movements bloomed from a seed of music. Quickly, the music transformed into a language of dance which converted again into a language of soul. I was hearing the voice of the dance. There was no distinction between audio, visual, and locomotive element and only a cathartic magnetism that dragged me into the center of the universe. Mundanity seemed ephemeral and all my worries faded away as my soul communicated with the dance piece. Everything resonated as unison; the dance became my soul and I was reverberating to myself. I felt I just discovered what I had possessed but never noticed of the existence.

A choreographer Mark Morris said there was no meaning in modern dance; the piece became completed by how individual felt towards it. Modern dance gives me a freedom and lets me interact with an art. It's where "I" become an element of the art. Music, dance, and I can be in consonance with each other.

Recently, I was glad to find someone who shares my belief. Cognitive scientist Alva Noe writes in his book "Out of Our Heads" that "consciousness is like dance, reenactment of basic situation that we are socially situated as dynamic being". My first modern dance piece was an extraordinary experience of an awakening, teaching me what is to be conscious. To me, dance is a perfect "active attunement to the world".

It was as if I had been resuscitated.

Excellent beginning!!

I wonder... I don't think curiosity makes your heart pound, but there are words in English that mean both "curiosity" and "excitement" together. You write beautifully already, even with your limited English. How about this:

Intrigued by the performance, I felt my heart pounding with excitement...

The hall was dimmed, and so was my narrow attitude to stage.

This is how to use commas in a sentence with a "dependent clause" (an extra clause): A choreographer, Mark Morris, said there was no.... See... you separate the "extra" part of the sentence with commas.

I am excited about how well you write in English. Even your writing is like a dance!

Your experience is worthy! I can see how enthusiastic you are about modern dance.

Thank you Kevin for correcting my grammar mistake with the explanation and making me confident about my essay!

Thank you vothiha for telling my essay sound enthusiastic!

Everything helped.