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Medical School Personal Statement

sillewaterThreads: 1
Posts: 1 		 Jul 12, 09, 12:20am   #1
I have a personal statement for medical school that I would like some help with, I have been working on it for a while.

I was wondering if anyone would be interested in helping me out. Medical schools usually check for plagiarism online so I would rather not post it here so I'm going to provide my email and if you are interested please contact me and I will send a word document. Thank you very much.

wu_hans at hotmail dot com

Hans Wu
 
EF_SeanThreads: 6
Posts: 3811 [Moderator] 		 Jul 12, 09, 03:48am   #2
If you post your draft here, and supply your real name in your profile, then the time stamp will prove that the essay is really yours. The whole point of this site is that the revision process is public, so that students can learn through seeing other people's writing processes.

Sean, EssayForum.com
 
orlandoThreads: 13
Posts: 118 		Edited by: orlando  Jul 12, 09, 06:13am   #3
That is a good point Sean. I have been been posting lots of essays to practise since last Saturday, but I noticed that I am just keeping doing the same mistakes again and again. I better start reading comments on others' essays instead of wasting my and your time by writing essays that has no improvements in. : )
 
EF_SeanThreads: 6
Posts: 3811 [Moderator] 		 Jul 12, 09, 12:04pm   #4
Nonsense. You are not wasting our time -- you are doing what you are supposed to be doing on this site. As for not showing improvement, think about what you are saying -- you have been practicing since last Saturday? You mean you have been working for a whole week, and you still haven't mastered the art of writing? Shocking. You do realize that writing is the sort of thing that it can take a lifetime to fully master, and that learning to write well in a second language is even more difficult. You will improve if you keep practicing, but you need to have a more realistic timeframe in mind.

Sean, EssayForum.com
 
EF_SimoneThreads: 3
Posts: 2163 [Moderator] 		 Jul 12, 09, 12:40pm   #5
orlando:
I noticed that I am just keeping doing the same mistakes again and again

Which mistakes?

Simone, EssayForum.com
 
orlandoThreads: 13
Posts: 118 		Edited by: orlando  Jul 12, 09, 08:14pm   #6
Of course I am not expecting to master in a week :) I just wish that I could express my thoughts in different variations. I believe that I need to read others essays' and your comments in order to improve my grammar and vocabulary. During the Ielts exam, I spent a lot of time to find the most suitable way to put my arguments on the paper. That is what I am struggling with most of the time. I am using a limited range of vocabulary so it is like I am not touching different points in my essays and repeating myself.
Also, using the language accurate is not enough to write a good essay. You also have to develop yourself by reading books, newspapers, anything will help you become creative so you will have more arguments to support your essay.
I have a long way to go.
I just want dont want to struggle with writing an essay for a language exam like Ielts. I will have more time to improve myself during my postgraduate education.
 
EF_SimoneThreads: 3
Posts: 2163 [Moderator] 		 Jul 12, 09, 10:26pm   #7
But again I ask: Which mistakes do you find yourself making over and over again? Identifying those explicitly can tell you what to focus on when seeking to improve your writing.

Simone, EssayForum.com
 
orlandoThreads: 13
Posts: 118 		Edited by: orlando  Jul 12, 09, 11:28pm   #8
Simone,
Especially in exams, I try to keep my essays as simple and logical as possible in context in order to be clear. During writing the essay I mostly come up with new ideas that I think more logical and try to put them in the essay and I get lost in my own essay. I am sure you have noticed that in some of my essays there is no connection between some sentences. I know I have to plan my essay very well before I start, but I find it too hard to do that in a very limited time, as there is one more task I have to take care of. I do not know how to make it easier.
 
EF_SimoneThreads: 3
Posts: 2163 [Moderator] 		 Jul 13, 09, 06:24am   #9
This is very common. I know that I have said this before here (and I have said it over and over again in the classroom): You simply must decide what you are going to write before you start writing. In a timed test situation, it's well worth the couple of minutes you spend brainstorming and sketching out an outline, because then you don't get stuck scratching your head in the middle of the third paragraph. And, of course, the essay is more coherent and organized because you planned it in advance. It's really a matter to deciding to follow this method and then actually following this method.

Simone, EssayForum.com
 
EF_SeanThreads: 6
Posts: 3811 [Moderator] 		 Jul 13, 09, 11:12pm   #10
Is your problem merely one of structuring ideas you already have? If so, then Simone's advice is excellent.

Or, is your problem one of not being able to come up with ideas for your outline in the first place? If this is case, then asking you to brainstorm and outline isn't going to help you much. It sort of sounds as if you are writing yourself into ideas, that the act of composing your first draft is in fact your form of brainstorming. Or that, having run out of relevant ideas pretty quickly, you merely start writing down whatever comes to mind that is related to the topic, even if it doesn't fit logical into your case for your thesis.

If either of these is true, then you have a deeper problem that brainstorming and outlining aren't going to help you with, as you essentially will be unable to do either of those things. What you need to do then is develop a wider understanding of the world and a greater familiarity with a range of topics so that you have a mental foundation from which ideas can be drawn. Reading widely, especially newspapers and history texts, can be a good place to start.

Sean, EssayForum.com
 
orlandoThreads: 13
Posts: 118 		 Jul 14, 09, 12:05am   #11
EF_Sean:
Or, is your problem one of not being able to come up with ideas for your outline in the first place?


I am actually pretty confident about coming up with ideas, arguing and supporting them in a logic. I was not a very successful student at University but I used to write essays in my own language and most of them were appreciated by prelectors. In the exam, I recalled the advises you gave and tried not to get nervous but unfortunately it did not work. I am spending my time reading others' essays in the last few days to improve the ability of being clear and fluent about my points. I guess the only way to feel confident and relaxed while writing an essay is to have control on the language you use. I can come up with a number of different ideas but I can not put them on the paper in the same direction that I think because of my very limited capacity in written English. When I re-read the essays I have posted, I usually say ' How come I make such a mistake or do not touch this/that point', even before you guys underline my mistakes. I sometimes dont want to believe it was me wrote the essay :) I dont know if it s time or just me lying behind this problems.
I am thinking in the long term. Somehow, I may pass the exam, but I still have to improve my writing skills in order not to fail when I do postgraduate.
I should stop complaining, take it serious and make the effort to do it properly.
 
EF_SeanThreads: 6
Posts: 3811 [Moderator] 		 Jul 14, 09, 01:45am   #12
Well, if you're convinced that its a linguistic thing, why not just jot down a quick outline in your native language before you start writing? That would give you a structural guideline you could follow fairly easily, and it probably wouldn't take you very long to come up with it. And, of course, more practice always helps, too.

Sean, EssayForum.com
 
EF_SimoneThreads: 3
Posts: 2163 [Moderator] 		 Jul 14, 09, 08:15am   #13
orlando:
When I re-read the essays I have posted, I usually say ' How come I make such a mistake or do not touch this/that point', even before you guys underline my mistakes. I sometimes dont want to believe it was me wrote the essay :) I dont know if it s time or just me lying behind this problems.

Here and elsewhere, you have mentioned a feeling of shame associated with being unable to express yourself as fluently in English as you do in your original language. This, too, is not uncommon and -- besides being uncomfortable -- can lead people to get "stuck" as you sometimes seem to do in tests.

In my experience, this problem seems especially to strike those who express themselves well in their original language. They feel childish or foolish because they have to use such simple sentences in the new language and are not able to say the nuanced or complex things they would like to say. They expect themselves to be able to do more than they are yet able to do and feel shame at failing to meet their own overly high expectations.

What's the remedy? To make peace with reality. Even brilliant writers and scholars speak like schoolchildren when learning a new language. To get through an IELTS or TOEFL essay, the aim is not to write the very clever essay you undoubtedly could write in your first language but, rather, to cobble together a very basic, structurally sound essay that demonstrates basic proficiency in English. The ideas you express in these essays matter hardly at all; the readers only need to see that you have enough ideas and have expressed them clearly and correctly. Truly, all you need to do is ask yourself: What are three arguments somebody can make for or against this position and then say them in a logical order. It doesn't matter whether they are smart ideas. It doesn't matter whether they are original ideas. It doesn't matter whether you believe them or not. Remembering this might relieve some of the pressure you are putting on yourself.

Simone, EssayForum.com
 
orlandoThreads: 13
Posts: 118 		 Jul 14, 09, 11:36pm   #14
Thank you Simone. Your point is very clear and responds to my concerns. You, Sean, Liebe and others are making a huge effort to provide solutions to students' problems without expecting anything in return and I appreciate it alot.
 
EF_SimoneThreads: 3
Posts: 2163 [Moderator] 		 Jul 15, 09, 05:35am   #15
You're very welcome. Truly.

Simone, EssayForum.com
 
EF_SeanThreads: 6
Posts: 3811 [Moderator] 		 Jul 16, 09, 06:09am   #16
EF_Simone:
They feel childish or foolish because they have to use such simple sentences in the new language and are not able to say the nuanced or complex things they would like to say. They expect themselves to be able to do more than they are yet able to do and feel shame at failing to meet their own overly high expectations.


This is great point. We can only think as well as our grasp of a language allows us to, so obviously people are going to be far less brilliant when writing in a language they are still learning than they would be if they were writing in their native tongue. And the problem is exacerbated even more if the two languages in question are from completely different linguistic families. Learning one romance language if you already speak another is much easier than trying to learn, say, Russian, because you have a whole stack of cognates to draw on.

Sean, EssayForum.com
 

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