LSE MSc ECONS Application Personal Statement

Hey I would definitely appreciate it if someone could please take a look at my personal statement and tell me if it is relevant and if theres anything i can do to improve it.

Here's LSE's website's info on the way to write the statement:
"Your personal statement (Question 26) should describe your academic interests, ambitions, research interests and explain the reasons why you undertake graduate study in the subjects you have chosen.

There is no fixed word limit but in general your statement should be up to 2-3 typed A4 sides."

Here's my essay:
I am P T Abilash, and I am currently a third-year economics student at University College London (UCL). I attended school entirely in Singapore up to Junior College level, where I took my A levels. I then came to UCL to do my undergraduate course in economics.
My first experience of economics came when i enrolled for my undergraduate degree. However, although I was new to studying economics at an institution full-time, the subject matter itself never seemed daunting or arcane. As it turned out, not doing economics as an A Level subject gave me an opportunity to explore the subject in my own time, and eventually get a feel for its intricacies and nuances at my own pace.

SEE BELOW
____________________________________________________________ ___________________

Any and all help will be greatly appreciated. Thank You.

Abilash

They're asking for 600-900 words, whereas you hit almost 1200. So, you need to shorten this by quite a bit. Fortunately, there is quite a bit you have that can be cut without hurting your application.

For instance, your first paragraph essentially says that you are an economics student who is interested in economics. Your application for a MSc in Economics sort of makes that self-evident. You could probably reduce that entire paragraph to a single sentence, if not cut it altogether.



Um, The Wealth of Nations was first published in 1776. It is not therefore "contemporary" by any meaning of the word that I know. It could, however, be described as "modern," under some definitions of the term, though even that might be confusing.




The two negatives here are confusing, and I am not sure that the sentence actually makes sense.

Most of your fourth paragraph seems eminently expendable.



As are sentences like these.

Overall, then, your essay is fairly solid. Cut it down to about half its length, trying to fix minor errors of the sorts I pointed out above as you go, then repost for more feedback.

EF_Sean, thanks for your comments. I have checked with LSE's admission department (when i went to their graduate drop-in sessions) and they require 2-3 pages on A4, and their estimate of the word requirement is 1000-1500, although they are quick to claim there is no minimum or maximum. However, that being said, there were some parts in the essay(paragraph 4 amongst them) that upon re-reading did feel rather superfluous and i took you advice to try and change those and the sentences which were too general and added some points in as well. Please help read and advise on any changes needed. Thank you.

Here is the new essay:

I am P T Abilash, and I am currently a third-year economics student at University College London (UCL).

My first experience of economics came when i enrolled for my undergraduate degree. However, although I was new to studying economics at an institution full-time, the subject matter itself never seemed daunting or arcane. As it turned out, not doing economics as an A Level subject gave me an opportunity to explore the subject in my own time, and eventually get a feel for its intricacies and nuances at my own pace.

SEE BELOW

The standard estimate for word count tends to be about 300 words per page, and in any event, shorter is always better, given how many of these the admissions officers have to read.

The problem your essay has at the moment is that much of the length seems to come from simply writing verbosely, which is never good. For instance:

"My economics course thus far has been a truly enjoyable journey and I want to continue reading economics at a higher level. The fact that economics is able to provide logical explanations about inconspicuous daily observations reinforces my passion for the subject."

Obviously you enjoy economics, and obviously you want to study it at a higher level. You are applying for a Masters degree in the subject. The entire first sentence is just a waste of time. The second sentence is better, but it could be cut down considerably without any loss of meaning, thusly:

"I am drawn to economics because it provides logical explanations for everyday occurrences."

So, all told, you've taken 42 words to say what you could have conveyed in 13. Most of your essay is like this. Even if you are determined to have 1000-1500 words, you don't want to get them by taking 400 or so words of real content and artificially inflating them. That makes for dull reading, and the admissions officers will probably stop after the first 100 or so and toss the essay in the trash bin. So, go through and cut ruthlessly. You can always make it longer later on by adding more actual material to it.

Sean, thank you for your comments. I agree that my essay does seem to be too verbose and I have gone through and altered the style to make it more direct and added more relevant materials. Writing a verbose essay for economics seems a good idea, but i can see that its not the way to go here.

Please take a look at the latest version and let me know how this turned out.

Essay:
I am P T Abilash, and I am currently a third-year economics student at University College London (UCL).

My first experience of economics came when I enrolled for my undergraduate degree. However, although I was new to studying economics at an institution full-time, the subject matter itself never seemed daunting or arcane. As it turned out, not doing economics as an A Level subject gave me an opportunity to explore the subject in my own time, and eventually get a feel for its intricacies and nuances at my own pace.

I am drawn towards economics as it is able to provide logical explanations about inconspicuous daily observations. I can analyze and explain observations using mathematical or quantitative models and correlate it to what I have learnt. This now means my interest in economics growing year on year and I feel the next progressive step in my development is to pursue a master's degree as there is much yet for me to learn.

The first time my interest in economics was piqued was in the first year of my junior college. An economic weekly 'The Economist' carried a particular article that really intrigued me- 'The Big Mac Index'. It had never occurred to me to consider why the same ubiquitous item being sold the world over was priced so differently across countries, even with the currency exchange rates considered. I then continued to read the rest of the magazine to see how economics related to the world around me. I was fascinated, and have hardly missed an issue till today.

I subsequently increased the expanse of my reading on the subject, taking in established works like Adam Smith's "The Wealth of Nations" as well as modern literature like "Freakonomics". Within a short time I progressed to formal textbooks to ensure I clearly understood the implicit concepts in articles I read, and that was when I really found that I was gaining a deep interest in economics. I was able to use my basic knowledge to form opinions and arguments about economics, and I became consciously aware that this would be my eventual field of study at tertiary level simply because it mattered to me personally and explained events I was witnessing.

In the field of economics, I am most intrigued with the areas of financial economics and theory of the firm with regards to types of competition. I enjoy learning about markets and their constituent entities - the firms and the consumers - and how they interact with one another in different scenarios. Equally interesting is the econometric analysis involved to determine the different levels of competition in markets. I have taken courses in my last two years in university that allow me have a slight emphasis on these areas of interest, yet maintain an expansive enough variety to keep my knowledge base deep. The real world applications motivate me to learn more about these areas, as well as others in economics in order to complete my education in this field.

The financial aspect of economics appeals to me differently since I have always found an innate fondness for mathematics and statistics. Financial economics appeals to my more mathematical background prior to and during university and allows me use those skills. Econometrics and Finance modules I have taken have allowed me increase my knowledge in this area. The econometrics aspect allows me to use my quantitative skills while still using strong economic theory. My interest in econometrics and its importance in an Economics Master's course make me believe I will derive much benefit from it. I have always actively taken modules to prepare myself for a master's course throughout my undergraduate degree.

My eventual career path once I finish my studies is of vital importance. I have refrained from overtly narrowing my career aims to simply becoming an economist alone although this is my preferred career path. However, I am just as eager to become a financial analyst. Studying a master's course in economics is a definite requirement and a foundation I will eventually need to build upon. I have a clear picture about the roles and responsibilities of an economist and a financial analyst, by virtue of my experiences in the UCL Economics and Finance Society. By attending events by companies and job fairs, I have gained insights into what tasks either party performs and the educational qualifications required. I have also become acquainted with the variety of prospects that a further qualification provides. This provided added motivation to pursue a Master's degree.

I am a flexible and pragmatic person and am prepared to take the initiative in order to distinguish myself from my peers. With my career goals in mind, I enrolled in the ACCA professional qualification programme (An accountancy programme) during my summers after the first two years in college. I have finished five out of the fourteen examinations required to gain the professional qualification thus far and am fully committed to finishing the course during my summer breaks. This will definitely be a wonderful complement to my master's degree in economics and prove my worth as an individual with a wide range of abilities. In view of the goals in my career, I feel that this opportunity to study economics at a master's level is definitely a great benefit. Combining economics and accountancy will give me an edge in a competitive and ever-changing job market.

I sincerely believe I can contribute significantly to the programme and to the university in many ways as I am a focused and driven individual. Through learning economics at a higher level and interaction with lecturers about the topics I aim to become well-versed in this field and apply that knowledge when I start to work. My determination to learn is shown by never giving up on understanding concepts which at first were a little demanding, as I believe that everything I am learning will accrue a strong foundation for me to build upon in the future. Economics has now become a part of my everyday life, and I am always trying to expand my knowledge base.

I have an opportunity here to, in effect, improve not only my education, but also myself as an individual. Having an opportunity to learn in an environment with others as passionate about the subject as myself would mean that an exchange of views and ideas would benefit all parties. I have always strived to be the best at what I do, and I am sure the academic environment at LSE is conducive to my progress and will allow me to explore economics at a deeper, more meaningful level. Thank you for your time and consideration.

____________________________________________________________ ________________

Thanks loads.

Nov 9, 09, 03:21pm - Attached on merging:
MSC application for finance

If you are applying for a Master's or diploma programme this is your opportunity to introduce yourself to the selectors. Please describe your academic background, strengths/interests, ambitions/research interests.

My name is Yavuz Topal, I'm the second of a family of four children. I was brought up in a hard working Turkish family in Berlin, that is intellectually and culturally diverse. The blending of these two diverse cultures has had a unique impact on both my character and my perspective in life. In this application I hope to demonstrate not only the academic and interests that make me an exceptional candidate to LSE Master's program in Finance, but also the personal characteristics that will allow me to obtain the most from studying at London school of Economics and political science.
I graduated from London Metropolitan Business School with bachelor's first class honors degree in Economics and Finance, august of 2009 and studying currently MSc Economics at the University of Birkbeck.
My revived interest in academic study is fueled by my recollection of the enriching experience I had had as an undergraduate at Metropolitan. Surrounded by intellectually engaging individuals from diverse backgrounds, I had developed an intense love of academic pursuits, especially for finance. Each semester, I hunted down professors, seeking to discuss finance theories and how those are applied to the realities in the financial market.
That diverse syllabus content of those two universities have given me a comprehensive exposure to advanced Economics and Finance disciplines and provided me with a strong logical analysis and mathematics training. I can analyze and explain observations using mathematical and quantitative models and correlate it to what I have learnt.
Furthermore, the splendid lectures given by those intelligent professors at Birkbeck enlarged my understanding and vision in economics disciplines and confirmed my determination to have career in finance. During my Time at Brikbeck I have noticed the greatest advantage of Birkbeck is its variety of different teaching methods: this helps students to be more flexible and learn how to work with different methods of information delivery.
I had my first experience with LSE when I was doing Econometrics during the summer course 2009 with Professor Christopher Dougherty, a very lovely and charming person, always with a smile on his face even at 9 o'clock in the morning, who also always tried to encourage his students to ask questions. One memorable sentence of his was that we could also visit him even though without having any questions about the material we have been taught, just purely for a chat. We had almost 150 students in class from different countries with diverse academic and professional backgrounds. I did not only learn econometrics at LSE but also about different cultures, languages as well as the different way of thinking outside of Europe.
My personal interests are very diverse and I have found myself constantly involved in extra-curricular activities. I am passionate about two things. The first is playing the piano which gives me a sense of calmness and allows me to clear my mind. Secondly, sports, whether it is swimming through school or kickball through college, or just enjoying a casual jog. I believe in team work and in my experience being in a team allows you to learn about sportsmanship, but also about winning and losing. I have always strived to win, but in sports like in life losing is part of the game and I believe that you should also learn from those experiences.
One of the most rewarding activities I have been involved with was private tuition. During my undergraduate years as well as my A-levels I assisted students with theoretical understanding in economics, mathematics and finance. I found teaching to be a very demanding activity; however, it always gives you a trickle of good feeling when you see the expression of understanding on the face of the students when the penny drops, which makes all the effort worthwhile. Teaching also not only requires knowledge and patience, but also the ability to be able to transmit that information to your students in the most understandable way. In addition it requires leadership, character, patience and especially knowledge of human nature. The best instructors are able to connect with their students and teach them not only class content but life lessons. I believe that my focus, helpfulness and my accessibility left a positive impression on my students. As the 30th President of the United States "John Calvin Coolidge (1973)" put it once;
'...unrewarded genius is almost a proverb... Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent....'
People are not rewarded for being smart. They are rewarded for what they accomplish. Talent, brains and education is not worth anything if you cannot make things happen.
What sparked my interest in pursuing graduate studies in finance? The first time my interest in finance and economics was piqued was in the first year of my A-levels. An economic weekly magazine 'The Economist' carried a particular article that really intrigued me- 'The Big Mac Index'. It had never occurred to me to consider why the same ubiquitous item being sold the world over was priced so differently across countries, even with the currency exchange rates considered. I was fascinated, and have hardly missed an issue until today.
I subsequently increased the expanse of my reading on the subject, taking in established works and progressed to formal textbooks to ensure I clearly understood the implicit concepts in articles I read, and that was when I really found that I was gaining a deep interest in finance. I was able to use my basic knowledge to form opinions and arguments about finance, and I became consciously aware that this would be my eventual field of study at tertiary level simply because it mattered to me personally and provided me with logical explanations about inconspicuous daily observations I was witnessing.

In the field of Finance, I am most intrigued with the areas of stock markets, exchange rate theories as well as valuation of shares and derivatives and in particular financial behavior. I enjoy learning about markets and their constituent entities - the firms and the consumers - and how they interact and behave with one another in different scenarios and circumstances. Equally interesting is the econometric analysis involved to determine the different levels of competition in the financial markets. I have taken courses in my last three years in university that allow me to have a slight emphasis on these areas of interest, yet maintain an expansive enough variety to keep my knowledge base deep. The real world applications motivate me to learn more about these areas in order to complete my education in this field.

The financial aspect of economics appeals to me differently since I have always found an innate fondness for mathematics and statistics. The econometrics aspect allows me to use my quantitative skills while still using strong economic and financial theory. My interest in econometrics and its importance in finance Master's course make me believe I will derive much benefit from it. I have always actively taken more additional modules (as my transcript indicates) to prepare myself for a master's course throughout my undergraduate degree.
I intend to become a successful financial analyst either at the Bank of England or at the FSA, who learns to combine strengths in the various disciplines in order to solve the diverse dimensions of real-life practical problems of finance industry, the financial markets and developing econometric models that helps us to understand financial crisis's a bit better and how to handle bubbles which is still an unanswered question at the end of this current financial crisis. However, studying a master's course in finance is a definite requirement and a foundation I will eventually need to build upon. Regarding my long-term goal, although it's difficult to predict things far into the future, I clearly know what direction I desire to develop toward. After joining the financial industry, I would like to become a top financial analyst and expert whom others rely. I have fully prepared myself through years of work experience as well as intellectually through my education in the UK to take any challenge and responsibility that might be presented in the long term.
I made my first steps toward the goal by studying Economics and Finance. But the challenges I will be faced in the financial sector will uncover the need for a more advanced finance education. Learning doesn't stop when you graduate, it is a process that continues throughout life.Consequently, to accomplish my goal, I would like to further enhance my expertise, as there is much yet for me to learn, especially in capital budgeting, strategic financial decision making and financial engineering.
After thorough research, my choice came down to Oxford Said Business School and LSE. However through my previous experience at LSE during the summer course this eventually persuaded me to selected LSE's MSc program because of its international focus, the intensity and quality of its teaching and research however predominantly because of its well chosen modules such as international Finance and Financial engineering which will be a great asset for my future work place.
I am excited to engage in the case study-orientated curriculum and its diverse materials. In addition, I expect the program to provide courses that would prepare its students in acquiring professional licenses such as the Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA)( which I definitely intent to take), and to properly train its students to critically analyze financial statements using learned statistical and econometrical skills.
I also sincerely believe I can contribute significantly to the program and to the university in many ways as I am a focused and driven individual. I would also like to share my cheerful personality, and my colorful experiences working in foreign countries with other LSE students. My optimism, open-mindedness, and industrious attitude have always been appreciated by my colleagues and friends.
My determination to learn is shown by never giving up on understanding concepts which at first were a little demanding, as I believe that everything I am learning will accrue a strong foundation for me to build upon in the future. Economics and finance has now become a part of my everyday life, and I am always trying to expand my knowledge base.
Even though I may not get all the answers from the LSE's MSc program, I will learn where to find them when it matters the most.
I have an opportunity here to improve my education and also myself as an individual. Having an opportunity to learn in an environment with others as passionate about the subject as myself would mean that an exchange of views and ideas would benefit all parties. I have always strived to be the best at what I do, and I am sure the academic environment at LSE is conducive to my progress and will allow me to explore finance at a deeper, more meaningful level. I appreciate your taking the time in considering my application and I hope that the information I have shared has effectually demonstrated my technical competence and my passion to form part of your prestigious academic institution as an MSc student.

This is excellent, and I think is responds well to the essay prompt. You seem very serious and motivated. I am glad I was able to find some mistakes to correct:
My personal interests are very diverse, and I have found myself constantly involved in extra-curricular activities. I am passionate about two things. The first is playing the piano, which gives me a sense of calmness and allows me to clear my mind.

This sentence had no verb:
Secondly, I am passionate about sports, whether it is swimming through school or kickball through college, or just enjoying a casual jog.

Consider switching to the active voice: I show my determination to learn by never giving up on understanding concepts. This, at first, was a little demanding, but I believe that everything I am learning will serve as a strong foundation for me to build upon in the future.

Economics and finance have now become a part of my everyday life, and I am always trying to expand my knowledge base.