Industrial engineering for NGOs [My grad school essay (not very poetic)]

Bear in mind I am not english or american! No experience at all as an intern or a researcher in my university, I only have my university degree.



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My name is John Doe. I have recently finished my undergraduate studies in computer science and engineering. This studies allowed me to develop great numeric and reasoning skills, and also gave me the opportunity to be introduced to some appealing topics, like robotics or microprocessor design.


Two years ago I studied queueing theory in one subject. It led me to discover the Industrial Engineering and I started to seek masters specialized in this field. I got admitted in the "University of Xxxxxxx", and attended some subjects without pursuing a degree, learning concepts of linear programming, factory layout design, decision techniques, etc. I found it really interesting and that is the reason why I am applying today to get admitted in your program.


Admittedly, my GPA is not brilliant <-----TO THE ONLINE READER:2.86, so yes, pretty bad for a good university, impossible to turn a blind eye on this awkward issue-----> but I am not only my GPA. Although the "University of Yyyyyyy" is among the top 3 computer science degrees nationally and hence I had to work really hard to get my degree, I did more things apart from studying. I spent a great deal of time doing extracurricular activities such as playing tennis, taking part into the film club and the debate club, volunteering, etc. I also worked as a private teacher of mathematics and physics. In my senior year at high school my average grade was A-, which proves that I can be an outstanding student. My quantitative score in the GRE also supports this idea, and my TOEFL score ensures that I will not have a hard time with the language.


Concerning my motivation, I have always wanted to do something big for the others. There is an enormous waste of workforce and goods in many NGOs, since people have good will but they do not have the right education to accomplish this kind of ambitious projects. Logistics, Project planning and Optimization are only a few areas with which Industrial Engineering can be very helpful, and, with all this knowledge, I would like to make the change happen.


Also, I am sure that this master will open me a lot of doors and will give me an opportunity to reach a management position in a not too far future. I also believe that I can contribute to the class with my studies, values and cultural background, enriching the learning atmosphere. Similarly, I will have the opportunity to grow both personally and profesionally in a foreign country, learning how people from different parts of the world live and work.


My main reason to study in the United States is the coordination between the real business world and the concepts taught at university. The quality of the programs and departments, the relationship between students and the plenty of educational resources are some of the things that in other countries we can only dream with. Well, I choose to stop dreaming. I choose to start learning.


Thank you for considering this application. If you need more information, please contact me.

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What do you think? Be honest but constructive. Don't make me cry.

Presumably, your name is on your application. Omit this.


Presumably, your transcripts will be included in your application. Omit this.

Rewrite the next sentence as follows:
My undergraduate studies allowed me to developed great my numeric and reasoning skills, and also gave me the opportunity to be introduced me to some appealing topics like robotics and microprocessor design.

Then follow that with an expression of your enthusiasm for those topics and/or your dreams of using those topics to do something in particular.

Further down, you mention your wish to do something constructive and cite the needs of NGOs for the skills you hope to develop. This may be your hook, especially if you are from a region in which NGOs are very active and need a lot of help. If so, you may want to move that to the top of the essay.

Let's see what others have to say.