Admissions Essay for Vet School

This is what I have so far- I need help making it more "captivating". I'm nervous that it sounds a little too much like any other resume. Since all my other statistics aren't outstanding- I'm going to need a REALLY good essay!

I appreciate ANY help! Thanks!!

(P.S. this is a rough-rough-draft, the conclusion is.. lacking... eek!)


White-handed gibbons serenade me, as they whimsically sway between the dense, canopied trees. The echoing roars of lions wrap around me, as I glimpse over to see giraffes nibbling on fresh acacia. After four months of interning at the Oakland Zoo, I have fortunately never gotten used to it. It never ceases to amaze me how fortunate we are to be amongst the most captivating beings on the planet. Apart from humankind, there is a realm of life that is just as complex and valuable. Ranging from rare wildlife to devoted companions, animals have a vast impact on the world and deserve the utmost respect whether by utilizing our technology to help those in medical need or by practicing conservation in order protect their environment.

Since childhood, I have always been drawn to being around animals whether it was playing with my cat or helping out at the stables, it must have been that underlying sense of companionship and curiosity I valued. However, it wasn't until I went for a long visit in Kolkata, India where I became conscious on the population of animals left neglected or mistreated. Back from my return to the U.S., I began volunteering at an animal hospital where I was first exposed to the clinical side to caring for animals. Although my college career was geared toward healthcare, I was once again reconnected with my drive to work for animals when I was on a medical trip to serve communities in Belize. While serving as part of a general medicine staff, I could not help but constantly think of how we could actually use our medical supplies to help the struggling animals we would pass by. Serendipity was the word that echoed in my mind as I relived this moment that mirrored my previous Kolkata experience nearly a decade later.

My recent internship at the Oakland Zoo has allotted me to connect to wildlife animals in a sense I never expected to. Working with captive animals has been an eye-opening experience, which exposed me to my curiosity of zoo medicine distinguishing from my familiarity with domesticated animal care. As an intern, I provided for captive animals by taking on responsibilities such as cleaning night houses, making meals, preparing medication doses, and assisting in animal capture. It was an invaluable opportunity to have served a role that directly impacted such species that are being threatened world-wide due to detrimental actions such as deforestation and overexploitation. The role zoos carry in conservation of wildlife has made me grateful to be a part of such an organization. I want to make this experience, which has felt like "once-in-a-lifetime" opportunity, actually last a lifetime.

No matter what the experience, it is my underlying compassion for animals and fascination with science that has convinced me that the path of veterinary medicine is my avenue to pursue my goal of working for animals. Moreover, zoo medicine seems to me to offer a way I can help conserve wildlife and fulfill my own professional goals.

The writing in this essay is vivid and descriptive. However, the sentiments expressed are somewhat trite. Also, I perceive a disconnection between your claim of compassion for animals and you wish to work at zoos, at which animals are held captive for the viewing pleasure of people, despite the scientific research demonstrating how very bad for their health such captivity can be. (The latest findings concerning zoo elephants are chilling.) Mistreatment of animals by zookeepers is also not uncommon, although perhaps you did not witness this as an intern. Probably, you should research the school to which you are applying. If they are pro-zoo, you're safe with this essay. If, however, their faculty includes veterinarians who have blown the whistle on zoos, you might want to moderate your pro-zoo position with some sort of statement that indicates you are aware of ongoing controversies within the field concerning whether, in fact, zoos in any way serve the proclaimed purpose of conservation when we know that species are best preserved by preserving their habitats.

I appreciate the feedback. Actually, I was a little anti-zoo prior to my internship and that's why I wanted to volunteer. Fortunately I haven't witnessed the mistreatment of the captive animals- and you're right, I should do more research about zoos.
My main problem is that I don't exactly know how to put my compassion and connection to animals in words. Any advice for that?

Should I change the essay and have it geared to a specific incident? More like a narrative essay rather than a "this-is-what-I-did" essay? The realization of the risk of mentioning zoo medicine is a little scary right now- and I want to make sure I write something GOOD and TRUE.

Do some free-writing just for yourself in which you explore your experiences with animals and your experiences with them. See what comes out. Writing from the heart just for yourself can often lead to insights or recollections that can then be used in more formal, yet still genuine, essays.

Also, if compassion for animals is among your chief motivations for pursuing this field of study, be sure to research they schools to which you apply very carefully. Vet schools vary widely in the degree to which their own practices are humane. I believe that In Defense of Animals, which was founded by a veterinarian, has some information about that on their website. There's also an organization called Veterinarians for Animal Rights that ought to be able to advise you on finding a program that will not require you to abuse animals in order to prepare to heal them.

I took the advice and I literally just sat down and started writing. I was looking into a school that focused on domesticated animals- which is a field I'm currently volunteering in- and I haven't mentioned my experience with that. Here is what I came up with. It's way different from my zoo experience- but this is my result from free-writing. It's a really rough draft but I appreciate any feedback!


The lines italicized are the things I either want to a) change or b) eliminate

Tears slip down the cheeks of a woman, gripping for composure as she quietly turns to resume her job. This was the result of the death of a family member; one that not of her own, but that of her client's. The tears were of Dr. Block's, the veterinarian I have been assisting for the past year at a small animal hospital. This case involved a fourteen-year-old Dalmatian had just been euthanized due to his atrophied limbs that had fallen victim to arthritis. The hardest part was accepting the client's refusal of the options of treatments and medications that were provided. Although I was unsure how to react myself, it was gratifying to witness how someone who had been working in the field for over 20 years still possess such compassion for her patients while being so compliant* with her client's fateful decision. The struggle in accepting the unfortunate situation was diverted as I asked Dr. Block on her drive to push through such difficult circumstances. She said although we cannot help all of those who come in, we can aim for the success stories that we are dedicated to.

Carrying back to when I caught my initial inspiration to follow veterinary medicine, as a child, I had always been drawn to being around animals; whether it was playing with my cat or helping out at stables, it must have been that underlying sense of companionship and curiosity I valued. Although my college career was geared toward health-care, I was once again reconnected with my drive to work for animals when I was on a medical trip to serve communities in Belize and Guatemala. While operating general medicine triages, I resisted the tunnel vision that began to grow in concern for the endless number of neglected animals that surrounded the area. This was my moment I realized of how I wanted to make a difference.

It was the sight of disregarded domestic animals and emaciated farm animals and its comparison to the conditions seen in America that sparked my curiosity to why the care for such life was missing. Although I understood that inaccessibility to the necessary utilities and technology was a barrier in such an area, I couldn't help but wonder how I would be able to make a difference myself. (Here's the part I wanted to transition by mentioning how I wanted to work with companion animals..)

The human-animal connection is an amazing experience some are fortunate to encounter as they are able to look into the eyes that hold unconditional loyalty and companionship. Being able to work with directly for the animals responsible for such devotion would be the opportunity for me to make a difference in not only the lives of the animal, but that of their holder as well.

In Belize, I took notice on the human-animal interaction and compared it to what I have grown accustomed to back home. Although the primary reason for animals in such a setting was for agricultural purposes, I saw the resulting relationships that were gradually/naturally created. The line between reliance and companionship appeared blended between members of a household and their working animals. Subtle observations such as kids cradling piglets at their doorstep as their elders pet their devoted dogs showed the important roles animals play in people's lives whether in a developing country or the suburbs of an active city.

As I have taken my realization into my experiences I have encountered in the veterinary field, I have notice the several roles veterinarians encompass. From the client's advisor to the patient's doctor, I have seen the balance of practicality and compassion when effectively healing a patient. Treating animals as family members is what I value when part of an animal care (I was looking for a term to transition from vet to zoo somehow) team. My recent internship at the Oakland Zoo has allotted me to connect to wildlife animals in a sense I never expected to. Working with captive animals has been an eye-opening experience, which exposed me to my curiosity of wildlife separate to my comfort with domesticated animals. It was an invaluable opportunity to have served a role that directly impacted such species that are being threatened by detrimental actions such as deforestation and overexploitation. (I feel like mentioning those "detrimental actions" are too dramatic and off-topic. Hence the "however"-->) However, what captivated me the most were the unique and personal relationships developed between zoo keepers and their animals.

No matter what the experience, it is my underlying compassion for animals and fascination with science that has convinced me that the path of veterinary medicine is my avenue to pursuing my goal of working with animals.(I need to add here)

Sep 25, 09, 03:27pm - Attached on merging:
Admissions Essay for Vet School- last minute desperation!!

I appreciate any help with this essay- the deadline's coming up and I have writer's block at this phase!

Thanks!

Tears slip down the cheeks of a woman, gripping for composure as she quietly turns to resume her job. This was the result of the death of a family member; one that not of her own, but that of her client's. The tears were of Dr. Block's, the veterinarian I have been assisting for the past year at a small animal hospital. This case involved a fourteen-year-old Dalmatian had just been euthanized due to his atrophied limbs that had fallen victim to arthritis. The hardest part was accepting the client's refusal of the options of treatments and medications that were provided. Although I was unsure how to react myself, it was gratifying to witness how someone who had been working in the field for over 20 years possess such compassion for her patients while being so compliant* with her client's fateful decision. The struggle in accepting the unfortunate situation was diverted as I asked Dr. Block on her drive to push through such difficult circumstances. She said although we cannot help all of those who come in, we can aim for the success stories that we are dedicated to.
My devotion for animals began at a very young age. As a child, I had always been drawn to being around animals; whether it was playing with my cat or helping out at stables, it must have been that underlying sense of companionship and curiosity I valued. Although my college career was geared towards health-care, I was once again reconnected with my drive to work for animals when I was on a medical trip to serve communities in Belize and Guatemala. While operating general medicine triages, I resisted the tunnel vision that began to grow in concern for the endless number of neglected animals that surrounded the area. This was my moment I realized of how I wanted to make a difference.
It was the sight of disregarded domestic animals and emaciated farm animals and its comparison to the conditions I've seen in America that sparked my curiosity to why the care for such life was missing. Although I understood that inaccessibility to the necessary utilities and technology was a barrier in such an area, I couldn't help but wonder how I would be able to make a difference myself if given the opportunity.
The human-animal connection is an amazing experience some are fortunate to encounter as they are able to look into the eyes that hold unconditional loyalty and companionship. Being able to work with directly for the animals responsible for such devotion would be the opportunity for me to make a difference in not only the lives of the animal, but that of their holder as well.
In Belize, I took notice on the human-animal interaction and compared it to what I have grown accustomed to back home. Although the primary reason for animals in such a setting was for agricultural purposes, I saw the resulting relationships that were gradually/naturally created. The line between reliance and companionship appeared blended between members of a household and their working animals. Subtle observations such as kids cradling piglets at their doorstep as their elders pet their devoted dogs showed the important roles animals play in people's lives whether in a developing country or the suburbs of an active city.
As I have taken my realization into my experiences I have encountered in the veterinary field, I have notice the several roles veterinarians encompass. From the client's advisor to the patient's doctor, I have seen the balance of practicality and compassion when effectively healing a patient. Treating animals as family members is what I value when part of a veterinary team.
My recent internship at the Oakland Zoo has allotted me to witness some of the most amazing relationships between people and wildlife. Being able to step into the shoes of zookeepers allowed me to connect to wildlife in a sense I have never expected. However, it wasn't until I was hired at a canine rehabilitation center where I saw the impact of companion animals more on a daily basis and at a different level than what I was used to*. The fact that people make the extra effort to give* the best care to their companion animals was refreshing and being part of the process was truly rewarding.
The moment that a rescue dog, who was given a negative prognosis due to a debilitating gunshot wound to the hip, has taken her first steps with the help of technology such as hydrotherapy and cold laser therapy, is one I can never forget. From the happy tears of the owner to the sparkle of excitement in the dog's eyes, it was a moment I would want to relive and be able to provide for those who ....
No matter what the experience, it is my underlying compassion for animals and fascination with science that has convinced me that the path of veterinary medicine is my avenue to pursuing my goal of working with animals.

I cannot help too much as I am, myself, behind in this part of the app process. I noticed, though , that you spoke alot about experiences you've had and 'what is' in the world but not how your experiences are going to make you a damn good veterinarian. That's what you need to focus on and use your examples only as simple references that taught you specific lessons that will allow you to add to the veterinary profession.

Best of luck to you!