Students are will quickly become employed if they are absorbed by any company in the job fair, and this encourages them to perform well in their academics.
I think you answered the question in a way that is too simplistic. Anyone could write about the obvious things: learning from professors, getting a degree, getting a job. We all know this. But when you write the essay, you should explore a great theme, like this: the basic one being able to evolve as an educated individual in life who can take care of his/her own responsibilities.-----this is a good theme!
So... I think you should take out every sentence that tells the reader something she already knows.
Go deep as you analyze this human desire to evolve as an educated individual in life and take care of his/her own responsibilities. Make your own unique observation, and expound the concept you want to share.
You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads!
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