Here are my suggestions:
"I wish to pursue my graduate studies at your esteemed institution, as I believe that a Masters degree will help me to realize my ultimate goal, which is to develop myself as a well trained chemical engineer and establish a career in the chemical industry. Nice introduction.
Over the years in school, I developed a great interest in basic sciences and mathematics because I was amazed by the role science and mathematics played in helping
mankind lead a better life. (A couple of examples would be appropriate here to help solidify this last statement.)
This led me to choose an undergraduate course in engineering, specifically chemical engineering, because I felt that chemical engineering was the only field which involved study of the basic sciences and mathematics. Another reason behind this choice was that chemical
engineers create innovations by
solving technological problems that impact
the life of common man in surprising ways. (Such as?)
For me, this was a great opportunity to directly serve society.
In the period of study at <college name>, I have undertaken various courses like Heat transfer, Fluid mechanics, Mass Transfer, Mechanical Operations, Process Control, Chemical Reaction Engineering, and Energy Management, (These should not be capitalized.)
which have introduced me to various theoretical concepts and methods which are widely used in chemical industry.
I would like to mention two factors which led me to decide to take on this degree
in chemical engineering. I was first exposed to the
research environment at XX Institute where I did research
training for a period of two weeks on the
production of Biodiesel under the guidance of Dr. YY. It was during that period that I realized how energy was very important to a developing country like India and how a
shortage in energy can be compensated to some extent by tapping the potential of alternate sources of energy like Biodiesel, biomass,
and fuel cells. Especially in a country like India, where biomass and oil seeds are aplenty, biodiesel could prove to be the major source of power in rural areas. My interaction with Dr. YY really motivated me towards this area of alternative energy sources.
Among the various alternative energy sources I find great interest in Fuel Cells (This should not be capitalized.)
. With dwindling petroleum reserves and growing concerns regarding pollution, fuel cells could be the answer to solve our energy problems. With growing interest in the industry regarding the development of fuel cells for automobiles and power generation, I believe there is tremendous scope in this field. I actually plan to do my final year project regarding the design of gas humidifiers for PEM fuel cells, which, I believe, in a small way, would contribute to the development of the fuel cell.
I also got an opportunity to visit various chemical industries around Chennai. The first industrial visit to ZZ was a great experience for me. I was simply astounded to see the giant distillation towers and extractors and other reactors. I was also taken to the plant control division where I was shown
how the entire plant was automated and how the entire process could be monitored using the computers. It was just awesome that an entire plant was being controlled by just a few operators monitoring the various critical parameters at their terminals. This really kindled my interest in the usage of computers in chemical industries which led me to explore more applications of computers in chemical engineering. Topics such as Process control, Process optimization, Modeling (These should not be capitalized.)
and simulation really interested me.
Visits to these industries also enlightened me on the various environmental issues confronting
the industry. It also made me aware of the role of the chemical engineer towards protecting the environment. A course on environmental science and engineering in my second year introduced the concept of sustainable development and how a chemical engineer could contribute towards reducing pollution.
I feel that a Master's program in chemical engineering will go a long way in preparing me for a successful career in the chemical industry. I am sure that exposure to cutting edge facilities, interaction with renowned faculty at your institution will help develop my knowledge and versatility and help me to face stiff global competition. It would be a great privilege to be able to do my graduate studies at <UNIVERSITY NAME>, and I am quite confident that I will match the high standards set by your university."
Great job; a few corrections, but overall a very smooth and professional essay.