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Statement of Purpose for Grad School in Anthropology; 'Martin Luther King, Jr'


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Hello all,

I am applying to grad school in anthropology. I am, of course, having trouble with the statement of purpose. I am writing a statment of purpose that I can edit to fit the requirements of all the schools I'm applying to and this is the first rought draft. Any help would be appreciated.
Here is the assignment:
How has your educational experience in anthropology and other fields prepared you for this program?
How does your previous work experience relate to this application?
What professor would you like to work with?

Thanks!


Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge..." This statement holds especially true for me as I have faced several challenges in my life. Each difficulty one has taught me that I am a strong, intelligent and determined individual.

Perhaps the most difficult challenge I have confronted was when my mother was diagnosed with stage four cancer. As it was only my mother and I at home it was up to me to care for her while she underwent surgical procedures and innumerable chemotherapy treatments. While this was a difficult time in my life, the challenge of battling cancer with my mother taught me not only who I am, but also that there are no limits as to what I can accomplish in my life.

My first semesters at the University of Tennessee where especially challenging for me as while attending undergraduate courses I worked two part time jobs in order to fund my education. I quickly recognized that my position at a local hospital was a great learning experience, and decided to take it upon myself to use my spare time to shadow physicians in order to gain more in-depth knowledge of medical pathologies and treatment plans. In addition, I was a regular volunteer at a local elementary school, and I aided a local high school for delinquent children raise money for an annual school sponsored trip to Germany. While my busy schedule was at first challenging to manage, I learned to use my time efficiently. Working fulltime did not prevent me from successfully completing my undergraduate education having not only majored in anthropology, but also having studied abroad twice, and having learned the Italian language fluently. Overall, the challenges I faced while attending the University of Tennessee not only added to my education, but also enriched my life.

I was provided with a clear sense of the enrichment and liberation that my studies of anthropology have brought to my own life experience when I studied abroad. It was not until I was in the throes of my year in Italy that I understood that I had studied abroad for more than adventure; for me it was an opportunity to obtain the kind of knowledge that that comes only from experience. Through my life experiences and my education in anthropology I have gained a deeper appreciation for mankind. I have learned that anthropologists can make a real difference in the world which is why I am now looking to further my education in anthropology. I have had a few years to consider my options for my future and I am certain that academia is where I will be most fulfilled. I am now able to take the opportunity to pursue my goal of becoming a professor in Anthropology. I intend to combine my knowledge in anthropology and medicine in order to study medical anthropology in graduate school. While I am predominantly interested in and traditional healing practices and prescription drug abuse I am also looking forward to exploring other topics.
As I aim to develop a master's level expertise in cultural and medical anthropology, I am seeking to complete a graduate program that emphasizes my strengths and interests. I believe University X would be great place to combine both my professional and personal experience into fruitful academic research. The program has an excellent..........

Furthermore, it is my objective to develop expert level research and writing skills during my master's program, so that I am well prepared to transition into doctoral level research in medical anthropology. I am confident that my professional experience as a technical clinician in medicine and my life experience will serve well to inform the scope and depth of my master's level research as well as guide my interactions and mentoring relationships with my professors.

Given my research and self development objectives for my master's studies in anthropology, I am decidedly looking to build and establish strong academic mentoring relationships with my professors. While I look forward to developing solid working relationships with many professors in the anthropology department at UCLA, I am particularly interested in being challenged by the expertise and insights of Dr. X will be paramount to the development of my research. Dr. X's knowledge of women's studies combined with his/her experience in XXXX would be a great asset for me to inform my research projects in medical anthropology. Our consultations and cooperation regarding her/his expertise in XXXX would clearly facilitate my research and self-development goals.
Thank you for your time and attention to my application for master's studies of anthropology at the University of XXXXX. I appreciate your generous and kind consideration of my application, and I look forward to being in touch with you soon.

Dec 11, 2009, 09:36pm   #2
never end with "Thank you for your time and attention to my application for master's studies of anthropology at the University of XXXXX. I appreciate your generous and kind consideration of my application, and I look forward to being in touch with you soon."

it's an essay, not an interview for a job
Dec 11, 2009, 09:39pm   #3
No cheating -.- second post and first should go together xD EF_TEAM ring ring ring!
SouthernBella:
Perhaps the most difficult challenge I have confronted was when my mother was diagnosed with stage four cancer.
don't use when. take it out and change the rest of it to match.
SouthernBella:
As it was only my mother and I at home it was up
comma after home
SouthernBella:
While this was a difficult time in my life, the challenge of battling cancer with my mother taught me not only who I am, but also that there are no limits as to what I can accomplish in my life.
Sounds vague. If you can, try making your paragraphs end with a definitive response about what you learned. If there's no word count, maybe write about how taking care of your mother told you there are no limits...a stretch?
SouthernBella:
decided to take it upon myself to use my spare time to shadow physicians in order to gain more in-depth knowledge of medical pathologies and treatment plans.
a big mouthful.
SouthernBella:
In addition, I was a regular volunteer at a local elementary school, and I aided a local high school for delinquent children raise money for an annual school sponsored trip to Germany.
tell how maybe, what you did, how those experiences will aid in anthropology
SouthernBella:
Working fulltime did not prevent me from successfully completing my undergraduate education having not only majored in anthropology, but also having studied abroad twice, and having learned the Italian language fluently.
another mouthful. looking at it again, its a run-on? a the second clause isn't complete
SouthernBella:
Overall, the challenges I faced while attending the University of Tennessee not only added to my education, but also enriched my life.

focus or make this point stronger. how did it enrich? what did you learn? how, again, have these made you enriched?
Each paragraph is pretty much standalone. work on better transitions.
SouthernBella:
Through my life experiences and my education in anthropology I have gained a deeper appreciation for mankind. I have learned that anthropologists can make a real difference in the world which is why I am now looking to further my education in anthropology.
another focus sentence. try combining the two, I think you can make them shorter so that the point made is stronger.
SouthernBella:
While I am predominantly interested in and traditional healing practices and prescription drug abuse I am also looking forward to exploring other topics.
phrasing is off. well, if you had these interests, talk about them earlier, it will help narrow the focus of the paper

.........................

SouthernBella:
Our consultations and cooperation regarding her/his expertise in XXXX would clearly facilitate my research and self-development goals.
I'm confused. the pronouns are a tad off

I'd like to talk to you soon too. haha
strengthen your intro, make it more you. less quote. you don't really use the quote much, so unless you place your challenges in picture through that quote, cut! restructure some parts, work on transition, and make sure you answer more about the first question. I don't see much about your previous work. Good luck!


*Edit. Team go to it quick :]
also, aren't you applying for graduate studies? wrong forum?
Given my research and self development objectives for my master's studies in anthropology, I am decidedly looking to build and establish strong academic mentoring relationships with my professors.

My research and development objectives for my master's studies, I'm looking to create and establish strong academic relations with my professors.

--

Try not to create expanded sentences to meet the word limits, better to provide a shorter essay that is more powerful then a bloated essay that almost hits the point.
Thank you all for the tips, I will work on this and repost once it's updated for final corrections. I really do appreciate the time you guys took to review this for me.

Also, sorry about the multiple posts! This was my first post and only after I posted it did I realize that it was in the wrong place- that is why I reposted it under the correct title. Sorry newbie mistake!
Each difficulty one has taught me that I am a strong, intelligent and determined individual.

Working full time did not prevent me from successfully completing my undergraduate education; I majored in anthropology, studied abroad twice, and learned the Italian language fluently. If you write fulltime, it is as an adjective: I have a full-time job. But I think you have to use 2 words when you write: I work full time. But I'm not sure!!



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