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Statement of Purpose - Environmental Management


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Hello! Can I get some tips/corrections for my statement of purpose for a masters in environmental science and management? Thank you!

Prompt: The Statement of Purpose (SOP) should be at least one page but no more than two. Your SOP should outline your past experiences (not necessarily just academics) and how they have prepared you to succeed in a rigorous graduate program; your goals and how the Bren School will help you achieve them; and what led you to seek a career in the environmental field.

Essay:
As an undergraduate communication student at the University of California, Santa Barbara, I studied organizational communication while taking multiple courses in business writing and geology. My coursework consisted of a rigorous mix of business-oriented curriculum, including organizational communication with a global perspective, group communication, economics and business writing, and professional communication in marketing and public relations. These courses have given me a strong basis of essential management skills.

SEE BELOW

Nice essay there kimberlyn.

kimberlynjway:
My goal is to apply my knowledge of both fields of environmental science and communication in order to aid in the promotion of more environmentally responsible business and governmental practices.


You are going to do a masters in Env. Management. You have to learn more so, modify slightly.

kimberlynjway:
My undergraduate coursework in geology and an alternative energy incites course engendered my interest in an environmental career.


This sentence looks faulty. coursework in geology and an alternative energy incites course?

kimberlynjway:
Learning how the world is impacted by man-kind and how to reduce that impact has become a major interest of mine.


I am particularly interested in knowing how human activities affect the environment and how can we reduce the harmful effects. You can restructure along these lines.

The impression I get is that it is your first draft. You can work on your ideas a bit more. Whatever assertion you make, remember to substantiate it by giving supporting argument, Example etc.

Pay attention to structure and flow, remove some errors and ur essay is ready.

Regards.
Hello Rajeev,

Thank you for your help! I greatly appreciate it! I have made some changes and will now post my 2nd draft.

-Kimberlyn

As an undergrad at the University of California, Santa Barbara, I studied organizational communication while taking multiple courses in business writing and geology. My coursework consisted of a rigorous mix of business-oriented curriculum, including global communication between organizations, small group communication, writing in economics, and professional communication in marketing and public relations. These courses have given me a strong basis of essential management skills such as employee relation development and organizational hierarchy analysis. My course work in geology has given me a background in environmental science, environmental geology, earth surface processes, and geological catastrophes. My goal is to apply my knowledge of these fields in order to aid in the promotion of more environmentally responsible business and government practices. The Bren School of Environmental Science and Management will help me further develop these skills.

My undergraduate courses in geology and an incites course on alternative energy engendered my interest in an environmental career. I am particularly interested in knowing how human activities affect the environment and how to reduce our harmful effects. Professor Christina Tague's current work on the impacts of climate change on stream-flow patterns and the effects of urbanization on drainage patterns is a perfect example. I would like to study the urbanization of southern California's city watershed systems and how it has impacted flood and erosion of the land. The Bren school offers invaluable, real life experience with projects like this. As a volunteer for the Walnut Creek Open Space foundation I have assisted with the California oak habitat restoration project, restoring essential native plant species to an area where urbanization has had a negative environmental impact. I am seeking a career that will make a real and lasting difference in our communities and I believe that the MESM program will springboard me into such a career.

My professional experiences will serve as more than adequate preparation for the MESM program. While working for Santa Barbara City College, I started and managed a new program of student employment. I also ran my own notary public business and worked as a meeting planning assistant during my time as an undergraduate. My experience in the UC Washington D.C. internship program has also prepared me for a rigorous masters program as I learned to properly manage my time between working full time as an intern for the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, writing an extensive research paper and taking an elective course in global communication.

Upon completion of the MESM program I would like to begin my career as an environmental planner/consultant for an independent consulting firm or a local, state, or federal government agency, providing environmental analysis that aids in the promotion of more environmentally sustainable practices. An employer with widespread U.S. and international presence, such as the Environmental Protection Agency, or a state department of water resources would be ideal. I strongly believe that a master's degree in environmental management will provide me with the necessary training needed for employment with such an agency. The breadth of courses and the professional group project offer hands-on experience I need to start a career in environmental management. The completion of a masters program at the Bren school of environmental science and management is paramount to my preparation for employment in the environmental industry.
kimberlynjway:

As an undergrad at the University of California, Santa Barbara, I studied organizational communication while taking multiple courses in business writing and geology


This is a weak first sentence, because you are starting right away with listing things you hae done and learned. start by expressing a theme, a thoughtful concept or observation that will be like the heart of the essay. The heart of the essay is in the intro.

kimberlynjway:
An employer with widespread U.S. and international presence, such as the Environmental Protection Agency, or a state department of water resources would be ideal.

It is good that you are specific about your ideas for the future, but... actually this is not that specific. Can't you attach this to some larger plan based on your outlook on life, your passion and idealism about protecting the planet?

:-)



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