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personal statement describing my future career plans


Arezou 1 / 1  
Oct 28, 2012   #1
I was grown up with a family in which business and production have played an important role. My father has been teaching me different manufacturing methods through taking me to many plants and factories of his friends in my childhood.

Besides, he has always emphasized on the abilities of human resource management - the one he was doing all the time - and this was the issue that has occupied my mind during my adolescence that how I can aquire many people with different skills and create value with the management of their workforce. It was the main motivation for me try to improve my ability to develop my own business through continuing my education at university.

With my pre-studies over different fields, I came to the result that Industrial Engineering covering main courses like Project control and management, Engineering Economy, Production and Inventory Planning and Control and Production Methods, would be completely matching my enthusiasm.

During the last year of my study, I have been working part time in my father's plant doing foreign commercial affairs. As I was closely connected with the production line, I recognized many gaps, lacks and requirements in my father's business. For example, why he was importing some materials from other countries as row material while we were able to install the production equipments in our plant and prevent many problems and costs of importing goods?

Taking advantage of my information in feasibility study and project management, along with other engineers and managers in the company, I studied the possibility of producing the row materials, in house. The result was developing new equipment which not only supplied our plant, but also made profit supplying other local companies.

With these experiences and thinking about my future job, I find it crucial to take my Industrial Engineering abilities and merge it with a specialized management field to be able to find the best way to develop my own business and increase my market share based on techniques and tactics our business market demands for.
spoiledgemini16 1 / 11  
Oct 28, 2012   #2
It was an okay paper. I could not here your voice if you know what I mean. Could you please read mine?
lfandronic 1 / 6  
Oct 28, 2012   #3
There is a good idea with your overall goal, however the way you express it in writing is lacking basic English grammar and flow. Feels like an outline much more than an actual personal statement. I would recommend for you to develop your ideas. Talk more about the materials imported from other countries; what materials were they? how long were this materials imported from foreign countries (maybe it was beneficial in the beginning, but not anymore)? Go a bit into more specifics on how your experience at your dad's company (add the name of the company as well). Persuade the reader of why this is your dream.

Hope this helps! let me know.


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