Please help me with my personal statement, especially with the language, stentences and word usage.
a. academic and professional background
b. why XX MBA or master's degree
c. Desired career path after graduation
d. Your thoughts on giving back as a student and as an alumnus
On April 4, 2013, at the Global Trade Center in Beijing, full of passion and self-confidence, I was giving a presentation "Using Information Technology to Realize the Idea of Smart City" which received high remarks from real estate executives who attended the meeting. On that day, I found that it was my curiosity to explore the new things that helps me win accolades from the executives and gain satisfaction from my work.
After earned a B.A. in English and a minor in economics from XX University, I continue to obtain a M.S. degree in software engineering in order to pursue my interest in online marketing. In Ministry of Agriculture, I saw the flourishing software and Internet applications in agriculture product processing and supply chains when I was managing agricultural projects and I strongly feel the need for making use of my knowledge in the booming IT industry. Then I work in Grand Consulting Company as a consultant. Those experiences prepared me the fundamental knowledge of business and enhanced my skills in project management and IT strategy.
However, my ability to produce more solutions for a larger market is limited since I need more insights, management experiences and networks in my work, and Krannert exactly provides an ideal climate for me to further develop my career. XX's MBA program attracts me for its outstanding faculty and various analytic and statistic MBA courses, especially the Management of Information Systems and Business Analytics. These theories and methodologies will improve the effectiveness of a project. Moreover, I can join many Krannert's clubs and programs. For example, the Experiential Learning Initiative will give me opportunities to practice my communication and teamwork skills and enhance my leadership skills so that I can manage groups of people in more efficient ways.
I look forward to being a consultant specializing in business and IT strategy, who uses the new knowledge of computer and electronics industry to work for all enterprises planning to renovate their business models and facilitate their development. Upon graduation, I intend to join the IT Group in a consulting company, such as Bain & Company specializing in Business-IT engagement, IBM specializing IT strategy and Accenture specializing Business Process Management in America or in China. I will come back to China and become a senior consultant to offer Business-IT consultation services at Grand Consulting Company. Ultimately, I plan to build the Grand Consulting Company as a national brand of Business-IT consulting.
As a female student from China who can speak Chinese, French and Italian, I believe I will contribute to the diversity of XX's student body. My unique background in business, IT industry and entrepreneurship will offer insights in classes. My leadership and teamwork skills will also improve students' learning experiences. Furthermore, as an alumna, I will enhance the communication of the global alumni network, pass down knowledge and experiences, and organize or participate in alumni activities. In addition, I will donate to XX's Business Opportunity Program for Chinese students who are ready to start an entrepreneurship when I succeed in my profession.
I continue
d to obtain a M.S. degree in software engineering in order to pursue my interest in online marketing.
In Ministry of Agriculture, I saw the flourishing software and Internet applications in agriculture product processing and supply chains when I was managing agricultural projects and I strongly feel the need for making use of my knowledge in the booming IT industry.
Did you work for Ministry of Agricluture? That's no clear :(
Then I worked in Grand Consulting Company as a consultant.
Then I worked for Grand Consulting Company as a consultant. ... as a marketing consultant?
