SOP for molecular basis of health and disease program at Columbia University

Hi, this is my SOP for pathobiology and molecular medicine program at Columbia university. I would really appreciate it if you could comment on the structure, grammar, and flow of my essay - I wrote it in rush and English is not my first language.

Also, I noticed that I used a lot of passive voice, but I don't want to start every sentence with "I," since it is not recommended. Any suggestions?

Plus, I would appreciate suggestions for the cut down- my word count now is 674, and the recommended length is 500 words.

Thanks in advance!

___________________________________________________________________________
Describe your background, your past work in your intended field of study, and your plans for graduate study and a professional career. If you are currently in a graduate program at another university, please explain why you wish to leave. If you are not currently enrolled in an academic program, please describe your activities since last registered. Although there is no word limit, we suggest a statement of approximately 500 words.

The intricate architecture of metabolic pathways and the dynamic interactions among their chemical modulators have never ceased to amaze me throughout my undergraduate education in the field of biochemistry. Hence the fact that these meticulously structured life-sustaining processes can helplessly falter with the intrusion of a few molecular mishaps has often bewildered me. So began my quest for the molecular origin of diseases. As a biochemistry student at University of California, Los Angeles, I have taken various undergraduate courses to tackle the subject of molecular mechanisms of pathogenesis. Along with biochemistry courses, I have taken classes in developmental biology, microbiology, inorganic chemistry and thermodynamic chemistry- through which I acquired tighter grasp on the subject of metabolic regulations, structural and functional dynamics of macromolecules and their pathogenic relevance. My intellectual drive, coupled with my personal aspiration to provide solutions to the society's search for the etiologies and therapeutic solutions for diseases, led me to pursue graduate program in molecular basis of health and diseases at Columbia University, with a specific focus on pathobiology and molecular medicine.

In order to prepare myself for the extensive research efforts expected in a graduate program, I began working as a research assistant in Professor
____'s laboratory at UCLA since July 2014, after graduating with a Bachelor of Science degree in Biochemistry. Our project focuses on the in vitro reconstitution of glycolysis by mutating the co-factor specificity of the enzyme glycealdehyde-3-phosphate dehydrogenase (GAPDH), from nicotinamide adenine dinucleotide (NAD+) specific to nicotinamide adenine dinucleotide phoaphate (NADP+) specific. This allows the fermentative production of NADPH, instead of the usual NADH, providing the necessary reducing equivalents for multiple biosynthetic processes that can be coupled thereafter to the modified glycolysis. Throughout this project, I participated in the construction, purification, quantification and kinetic analysis of the mutant enzymes. Our team's effort to generate a novel GAPDH enzyme with switched co-factor specificity proved successful when my enzyme assays showed a marked preference for NADP+ in our sixth GAPDH mutant. Currently we have embarked on a new project which aims to apply this novel enzyme into an in vivo system by replacing genes in E.coli through a series of plasmid constructions. Through my research experience, I not only learned versatile biochemical techniques, but also broadened my scope of research which now encompasses both in vivo and in vitro aspects of molecular biology. It is my belief that my skills in metabolic reconstruction will prove valuable in an advanced research setting where practical as well as theoretical outcomes are desired.

In addition to the synthetic biochemistry project, I worked as a summer laboratory volunteer in 2014 in Dr._____'s bioengineering laboratory at UCLA. The lab's main project was enhancing bone regeneration by usage of biomimetic polymer systems for better delivery of osteoinductive molecules. My responsibility was to assist in the fabrication of biomimetic scaffolds using the lab's novel protocol. Besides performing my primary task, I also learned how to culture and passage animal cells in a sterile setting. I am certain that my exposure to these multifaceted scientific methods and concepts in biochemistry, cell biology, and bioengineering will prove beneficial in my pursuit of Ph.D in molecular medicine, which also adopts multi-disciplinary scientific methodologies.

My ultimate professional goal is to become a Principal Investigator of a biomedical research laboratory, which aims to promote public health by producing applicable research outcomes. Since I believe that structural deformation of macromolecules play vital roles in many pathogenesis, I want to specifically focus on the role of conformational variability and interaction dynamics of macromolecules in pathogenesis. I am particularly interested in molecular mechanisms of neurodegeneration, and the roles of proteins as the molecular determinants in metabolic abnormalities. The prospect of learning from and collaborating with Columbia's distinguished scientists and become a part of its prestigious research academia excites me. It is my earnest desire to devote my knowledge and energy into augmenting the university's achievements in pathobiology, and in doing so, become a mature scholar well-equipped for a laborious yet rewarding journey of scientific research.

Yes, try to change the SUBJECT of the sentence, so that "I" is no longer the subject. I am talking about the part of a sentence called 'subect' (i.e. subject and predicate). The predicate is the part with the verb. You can write the predicate in a way that is the active voice.

Example:
Besides performing my primary task, I also learned volunteering in the lab taught me how to culture and passage animal cells in...

This is all excellent writing. I suggest adding a very short, interesting sentence at the beginning. Right at the top of the first paragraph. As it is now, the first sentence is long... so you can GRAB the reader's attention with a short sentence first.

And if you find ANY sentences that you can remove without taking away an important idea, it will be an improvement. Deleting all unnecessary words and sentences is the way to make your main message resonate better in the mind of the reader.

And what is that main message? What is the single most important idea that you want the reader to remember after reading this?

: )

My ultimate professional goal is to become make my contribution as a Principal Investigator of a biomedical research laboratory ---This way might be more interesting than 'become'

Thanks for your comment!
I've edited my SOP based on your advice. Looks better :)