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SOP for MS in Mechanical Engineering: "justify your faith in me"


answers: 5
Hi friends,
This is the rough draft of my SOP. Pl correct my SOP.

STATEMENT OF PURPOSE



I am Visweswaran. My mother led me to this world, my schooling lined the way towards education, my undergraduate study facilitated me lay a secure foundation and I am sure my graduate program will elevate me to great heights. I strongly believe that a thorough knowledge can be acquired only through a graduate program. Our schooling and undergraduate program graze us through the top grass and only a master's degree can give an extensive understanding of the program. In consonance with my interest I would like to pursue a graduate program in the field of Automation and control.

As a student in the final year of undergraduate study for a Bachelor of Engineering degree in Mechatronics, I look to graduate ...

SEE BELOW
I am Visweswaran. Replace this with a sentence that catches the reader's attention, a thoughtful observation or a bold assertion! :-)

My mother led me to this world, my schooling lined the way towards education, my undergraduate study established me lay a secure foundation, and I am sure my graduate program will elevate me to great heights.

... graduate program will elevate me to great heights. (add a sentence here to tell the reader about the field you are interested in). I strongly believe that a ...

End this sentence:
One person's life influences the lives of an unbelievable number of people. One of the most important lessons I learned, during my seventh semester in my college as the leader heading a team, came when I involved the team in social activities.

I like the ending!! I think you should write a little more about your aspirations as a technology mentor.

:-)
I have made the necessary changes.. Can you please check it once again.. I have written technically...


STATEMENT OF PURPOSE

My mother led me to this world, my schooling lined the way towards education, my undergraduate study established foundation and I am sure my graduate program will elevate me to great heights. I strongly believe that the schooling and undergraduate program help us graze through the top grass and only a master's degree can give an extensive understanding of the program.

As a student in the final year of undergraduate study for a degree in Mechatronics, I look to graduate study to refine my knowledge and skills in my areas of interest. I believe it will also serve to give direction to my goal of a career as a research professional at an academic or commercial, research-oriented organization. I intend to pursue a graduate degree in Mechanical Engineering with an emphasis in Robotics and Automation.

The passion for Robotics and automation grew when I watched a video of how a car is being manufactured. I was amazed to see the process being automated and how many manipulators are used in painting, welding etc. It was really an eye opener to see these robots reach the places where humans cannot reach and the quality of finish which cannot be thought of, if done manually.

The passion for robots did motivate me to enroll in a Mechatronics course as my undergraduate major. In my undergraduate studies, I have benefited from the breadth of SASTRA University's syllabi content that has given me a comprehensive exposure to the core areas of Mechatronics and a strong conceptual understanding of the same. Over the past four years, I have developed an interest in the areas of Automation, Design of Mechanical drives and Design of Mechatronics Systems. I gained a wide knowledge in PLC programming and various designing software like AutoCAD, Pro-E and CATIA.

Right from my second year of study where my curriculum was fully based on my major, I began to involve myself in many automation projects. I am also an active member of the Robotics community in my college. I began with a simple project which is now being implemented in an industry. The project was to automate the process of hammering which is done in sheet metal works. I implemented that using pneumatics. After that I was curious in building a robot and I began to build my first robot which is a simple line following robot. So as to increase my knowledge on how to build a basic robot I then made a Ball following robot. As a result of these projects my programming skills in Matlab and my microcontroller programming skills reached a different level.

Then finally for my undergraduate project too I took Robotics and automation as my area and I developed an Assistive robotic system which will help a person to transfer from bed to a wheel chair without anybody's help. This will be also extended to persons who are temporarily disabled due to surgeries. This project has served to sharpen my inclination to engage in active research in Robotics.

So out of my curiosity I surfed a lot of websites regarding Robotics and automation. I developed a grasp of most of the topics yet Robotics at International Platforms always seemed to elude me. Sure, I could explain their architecture but as to how they actually worked and how they were implemented well, that was a complete mystery to me, as much magic as science. I read several books on the subject but every single one attacked the subject from a very mathematical and academic viewpoint, were full of techno-babble and very few even gave any practical use or example. So for a long time I scratched my head and hoped that one-day I would be able to understand enough to experiment with them myself. Now my dream is on the verge of coming true.

My goal is to obtain a challenging position where my technical skills will be used to the farthest extent. Since my passion with robotics and automation began, I have always tried to find ways to make my findings useful for a common man. I hope that this master's degree will open doors for me into a position of technology mentor. I dream of being able to use my ideas such that even a common man is benefited out of it. I want to ignite this flame of passion into the younger generation and spark new creativity by the research works which I undertake.

"One person's life influences the lives of an unbelievable number of people", one of the most important lessons I learnt, during my seventh semester in my college as the leader heading a team to involve the team in social activities. Our team successfully helped a school at a remote village with the basic amenities and also raised the morale of the students who studied in that school. I was applauded by our HR department regarding the work done by our team. Having led a team and successfully completing the project, eventually turned out to be a confidence booster. It taught me that the basis for good work is self-reliance and very importantly, time management. This quality I believe is what a researcher should posses and I realized that I posses these by the end of that project. Not all of my entire four months were devoid of shortcomings. I learned to accept both criticism and praise with a positive frame of mind. This was a distinctively gratifying experience for me, which I feel would stand in good stead in the future, especially in lieu of a good team leader.

In consonance with my interest I would like to pursue a graduate program in the field of Robotics and Automation. I would like to associate myself with Dr. XXXX whose area of research is robotics and control, Dr. XXXX whose current funded research is in Mechatronics system design or Dr. XXXX whose primary area of research is intelligent mobile robotic system. Dr. XXXX's research papers like "XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx","XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX" and some other papers helped me to get more knowledge on robotics and I believe I could give my best towards the research.

In conclusion, I would like to add that the essence of University education lies in the synergetic relationship between the student and his department. I feel that graduate study at your University will be the most logical extension of my academic pursuits and a major step towards achieving my objectives. I would be grateful to you if I'm accorded the opportunity to pursue my graduate study at your institution. I thank you for the time you spent in reading my statement of purpose and I look forward to a very productive and pleasant learning experience at your university.
May 10, 2010, 01:36pm   #
viswes31:
I strongly believe that the schooling and undergraduate program help us graze through the top grass and only a master's degree can give an extensive understanding of the program.
what is top grass?
viswes31:
the quality of finish which cannot be thought of is inconceivable, if done manually.
May 10, 2010, 02:34pm   #
Hi there!

I think you have done some solid work with this essay, but I have some overarching strategies which I believe will help you to polish this piece so that it truly enriches your candidacy:

-Keep your language simple and direct, and anchor it to real anecdotes and facts. Avoid the dramatic language "flourishes" that detract from the clarity of your statement. You have a great story to tell, but frequently your prose gets convoluted and obscures a simple but important message. ("This was a distinctively gratifying experience for me, which I feel would stand in good stead in the future, especially in lieu of a good team leader.")

-Outline a clearer structure and stick to it. In your case, I think your writing would benefit from clearly outlined paragraphs: introduction (perhaps citing the moment your passion was ignited, your background in 2 paragraphs, your goals, why XXX program and a closing).

-Keep language concise. Throughout your statement, you include peripheral content that won't really serve you in the admissions process, and may even be detrimental to your candidacy. You want to convey confidence, clarity of vision, and a crisp, articulate communication style. Avoid language like:

"I would be grateful to you if I'm accorded the opportunity to pursue my graduate study at your institution. I thank you for the time you spent in reading my statement of purpose and I look forward to a very productive and pleasant learning experience at your university."

Good work so far--but keep going! Beyond the technical components of your writing, it's necessary to take a step back and think 'strategically' about what your statement says about you as an applicant and communicator. I think if you continue to focus language throughout this essay and stick to a clearer framework, this statement can really work to your advantage.

All my best,
Janson
Ivy Eyes Editing
www.ivyeyesediting.com



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