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(the shipping field) Austrialian university admission


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Hi,

i am applying for Internationa business course in australia, the university request me to write an essay about
a) Why you wish to undertake the course?
(b) Your plans after graduation?
(c) What are your career plans?

and below is write up. Kindly review and suggest me anything need to be corrected.

My dream is to study in an International university from my childhood,especilly in the shipping field. I am totally a different and ambitious child in our entire family, i always thinking of moving out my own country to acheive my dream. After completing my graduation i started looking out for a placment in the Middleast to achive my dream.I moved to dubai with help of my family members and found a job in Dubai. I started exploring the possibility of studiying abroad.

I begin with all US,UK,Canadian and Australian universities.The course,the living conditions and fees are more suitable and viable only in the Australian Universities.To enhance my knowledge in the industry and also to have a better educational experience abroad with a multicultural exposure, i choose Australia is my preferred destination.

In Australia, students have the freedom to choose a path that suits their particular goals.Studying in Australia offers innovative, creative and independent thinking and also to learn to work as part of a team, to communicate effectively with others and to develop practical skills.An opportunity to interact, work the assignments and study in groups with top class fellow students would be a valuable foundation in realising my ambitions to accomplish a post graduate education.

The Australian qualifications are highly recognised by MNCs and the international employers.The Australian education system has a strong international reputation and is known for its effective structure and innovative policy developments.Australia is also one of the best places for students to live, learn and grow. Australia is the place that offers quality education and a good lifestyle.

After sucessfully completing the certificate,Diploma and Advanced Diploma in International Business I would like to pursue a Masters Degree in Internatioanl Business or Logistics while maintaining a job or Aapprenticeship.

My future plan to Start my own business in the Shipping/Freight forwarding/Logistics industry.Or I will work in a managerial position in a reputed shipping/freight forwarding/logistics company until I am in a position to make my dream of starting my own business in the same field a reality.

Jan 15, 2012, 07:54am   #2
This is my improved version, since i noticed you had a grammar mistakes, oh and by the way i also lived in dubai for 7 years... Its great there i live in England now.

My dream is to study in an International university from my childhood,especilly in the shipping field. I am a totally different and ambitious child compared to my entire family, i was always thinking of moving out my own country to acheive my dream. After completing my graduation i started looking out for a placment in the Middleast to achive my dream.I moved to dubai with help of my family members and found a job there(i removed Dubai because there was repetition). I started exploring the possibility of studying abroad.


An opportunity to interact, work at the assignments and study in groups with top class fellow students would be a valuable foundation in realising my ambitions to accomplish a post graduate education.



After sucessfully completing the certificate,Diploma and Advanced Diploma in International Business I would like to pursue a Masters Degree in Internatioanl Business or Logistics while maintaining a job or apprenticeship.

My future plan is to start my own business in the Shipping/Freight forwarding/Logistics industry.


Just a few errors nothing serious, anyone could have done it. I think you explained your reasons beautifuly... good luck!



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