' Shaquille O'Neal's weight' - UT Rough Draft

Okay, so here is my VERY ROUGH DRAFT essay following this prompt:

I do not want my essay to sound like I am making an excuse. Also, if you see a sentence and think "man this would be great if she said it like this" then by all means tell me! Give me some different words to use! ANYTHING!!!

Because of Shaquille O'Neal's outstanding weight: height ratio, he is considered to be morbidly obese according the physical educators. This fact, however, is what makes him considerably one of the greatest basketball players the NBA has ever seen. Just like this scenario, a low high school GPA does not depict a student's true academic intelligence or work ethics.

My junior year in high school I was forced to move from a small private school to a growing public school. This move damaged my class rank and GPA tremendously due to the difference in grading systems from a non-state school to a state school. I managed to keep an A/B average my first two years, and had a 3.6 GPA. After the move, I was informed by my counselor that I was in the lower half of my class because of the Honors class system. This news was devastating and forced me to kick it up a notch. My junior and senior year of high school I worked harder than ever before, while also getting extremely involved in the community. I raised my GPA a great deal and was able to jumped nearly 20% higher in my class rank.

I am not using this experience as an excuse in any way. I am actually very grateful I was able to go through this hardship, reason being that I am now a more dedicated student and understand what it is like to have to work hard for something. I never got down on myself through the time; instead I pushed myself more to the limit to meet my academic expectations. My ACT score justifiably shows my hard work. I know I would not be the person I am today if I did not go through this adversity. I am now one of four chairmen in one of the biggest campus community service events while maintaining a [I want to say like a great college GPA. I have a 4.0 as of this progress report, but I don't think it will sound impressive since I just started school]