Essay for B School- Long term and short term goals and why this MBA- feedback

'Sustainable Social Enterprise' as catchy as it may sound; equally inspiring is the idea of owning such an enterprise. We hear everybody talking about sustainability these days. Sustainable business, sustainable energy, sustainable development, sustainable society and so is every possible thing. The growing interest and increased awareness in sustainability has led to immense developments and considerable improvements of our world today.

I developed the idea of sustainable enterprising while studying chemical engineering for under graduation. The internships I did at various manufacturing industries and the beauty of transforming a few chemicals into something different and so useful started attracting me. As a young engineer I hoped to start my own manufacturing industry one day. The growing concerns over climate change and environmental impacts of industries shifted my focus to environmental management studies. I wanted to be associated with a socially responsible industry and thus my quest towards a sustainable social enterprise began. To further my knowledge I studied Masters in Environmental Science from ABC University in London which provided a good foundation for the technical aspects of my goal.

My long term career goal is to set up an energy production plant in India generating energy from municipal waste. This would be a sustainable waste and energy management solution for the waste disposal and energy supply issues faced by most regions in India. This would be a socially responsible business as it would generate more employment for people and improve the living conditions. Energy from Waste Unit would not only reduce the waste disposed, it will also mitigate the energy demands of several rural regions in India where electricity is currently available for only few hours a day. This project would require a detailed understanding of businesses, investments, finance and management. My immediate aim is to gain knowledge by doing a MBA ideally from XYZ University and develop strong foundations required to realize this goal. To further my knowledge I would like to gain some professional experience in consulting after MBA.

XYZ University offers a perfect blend of compulsory and elective courses which would help me achieve my goals. Courses in Social Entrepreneurship, Venture capital and Private Equity, Business Networks and Sustainable Development will provide me with strong academic foundation needed to accomplish my goals. Networking with XYZ Alumni and participating in various clubs like Entrepreneurship and Venture Capital Association, Energy Club and Net Impact would expose me to like minded people and provide a platform to interact with experts. The well designed curriculum, expert faculty and international blend of students offer excellent opportunity to focus on all the important aspects of my career. I also believe that I would make a valuable contribution to the classroom discussion and interactions considering my academic and professional backgrounds. My determination to learn and excel along with the creativity, compassion and hard work when combined with the interpersonal, managerial and analytical skills offered by the MBA program at XYZ would lead me to establish a Sustainable social enterprise.

Nice intro, Supriya! It caught my attention and made me take interest.

But at the end I see a grammar problem:
The growing interest and increased awareness in sustainability has have led to ...

My long term career goal is to set up an energy production plant in India generating energy from municipal waste. ---Very good!! This is an impressive essay.

This is a very tight, efficient essay. I think the only weak part is that thesis statement at the end of the first paragraph. How about reading the essay again and revising that last sentence of the first paragraph? Or you can leave it alone but add one more sentence after it before ending that first paragraph. Add a sentence that sums up the main message of the essay, the theme you want them to remember.

:-)

Thank you very much for that. I will do those changes and try to add a message of the essay.