"Please describe your professional goals. Include in this description a discussion of the factors and experiences which contributed to their formulation."
When I walked out of my front door, the first thing I noticed was the odor. Then, I heard the groaning. I remember the occasion quite vividly, although it was years ago. My uncle and I had just returned from the park, expecting everything to be normal. I soon discovered that nothing would ever be normal again.
As we slowly inched toward the bedroom door, a staggering sight met my eyes. There, her eyes met my eyes. Her head was completely immobile, and her figure appeared enervated. She gasped for air as she wrapped her head around the green bucket and vomited with such violence that I shivered. Only then did I fully understand what it meant for my grandmother to be experiencing the effects of a heart attack. At just eleven years old, I faced the horrors and effects of a long term battle with heart disease. It was in my grandmother's bedroom that I would realize for the first time that my grandmother struggle with the bitter reality of knowing that the end of her life was close. Catching me out of the corner of her eye, she raised her head from my stiff shoulder and uttered a weak, "I love you" only to refuge in my shoulder. My uncle saw our faces, put his hand on my shoulder, and whispered, "Let your momma rest, she had fought brave and hard".
My grandmother's death impacted me on many levels. She was my everything and her passing embittered me, affecting my self-esteem and my overall will to live life. I was ashamed to learn that my approach to life was limiting my horizons.
In all this despair, however painful, I finally understood how her death helped me revolutionize. Even if helping her drink a glass of water I took great please knowing I was contributing in helping her feel better. Her death gave me the opportunity to new discoveries in my life. the more time I spent in helping others feel better, the stronger my desire to be a physician has become. The most foremost pleasures has been working for over four years with people with disabilities. I has been equally enjoyable , being a peer educator and arraging fundraisers for families affected by HIV...volunterring for a Childrens Hope Foundation at Christmas for children affected with cancer. I have learned that the emotional and physical needs of the patient must be met to have attainment of goals.
Becoming a doctor would not only be a way to honor my grandmother's memory but to continue to boarder myself in City College and beyond so that I might encounter treasures along the way.
My struggles are not what I am; they are what shaped to become the person I want to be. From that experience as child and growing up in the Dominican Republic, I have encountered the financial hardships of those with medical needs. Through the practice of medicine, my long term goal is to better humanity, by developing affordable health clinics and improving healthcare, especially in developing countries. Compassion, knowledge and dedication are the basis for my commitment to improving healthcare. I am confident that I have the maturity, perseverance and strong desire to excel in the medical field. The Post BA.. at city college will offer me with the best preparation through its academics and supportive services reach my goal of becoming a doctor.
Hi, Jenny. I think your essay, experience you described are very persuasive, really.
I would just a little bit change the style at the beginning, when you describe the situation with your granny. It is like a book story, a kind of a thriller, but to my mind it should be more touching, not thrilling.
'she wrapped her head around the green bucket' - may be wrapped hands?
"Her death gave me the opportunity" - that's qiute sharp...may be "after her death I realised true values"... or smth like it.
Hope, you'll reach the goal).
Awesome, Jenny. You are a good writer.
...took great pleasure in knowing I was ...
I have learned that the emotional and physical needs of the patient must be met to have attainment of goals.----you can improve this sentence. Google this: active voice, passive voice.
Also, "to have attainment of goals" is not a good way to refer to "good patient outcomes." I think maybe the term you are supposed to use is patient outcomes.
Becoming a doctor physician would not only be a way to honor my grandmother's memory but also to continue to boarder myself in City College and beyond so that I might encounter treasures along the way.---This sentence is too complicated and vague. You should replace it with a sentence that tells what specialization interests you and what books you have been reading due to your interest in medicine. Books by physicians? Articles by medical researchers? Use this opportunity to show them how complex and specific your plan is.
:-)
