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'pursuing activities that utilize my potential' - Letter of motivation of MEng in automotive systems


mhsadiq 1 / -  
Mar 23, 2015   #1
Please review this Letter of Motivation. Thanks :)

Letter of Motivation

For the program MEng in Automotive Systems (Vehicle Dynamics) at xxxx


By: yyyy

Motivation and passion, in my opinion have a strong correlation. I have given the activities in my life the shape and form of my interests, resulting in pursuing activities that utilize my potential to the fullest. Such an approach has led me to follow my passion, and go for a Master degree in Automotive Systems at XXX University.

I derived my goals of life from the environment I grew up in. As a child I was intrigued by the aesthetic designs of cars, their elegant shapes, and nonetheless the roaring sound of turbocharged engines! My obsession with cars thus molded my career path towards that of an automotive engineer; a challenging decision since I would be the first engineer in a family of doctors. Nonetheless, I'm sure I would conquer whatever challenge I face; given that I have worked my way up from living in a backward area like Peshawar, to being selected in and excelling in Pakistan's top engineering institute.

Since no university in Pakistan offers automotive engineering, I opted for Mechanical Engineering as my undergraduate field of study, further to specialize my knowledge in a Master program abroad. During my undergraduate course I had the opportunity to study various courses relevant to automotive engineering such as Thermodynamics, Fluid Mechanics, IC Engines, Engineering Design, and CAD/CAM; scoring good grades in all of them. My Final Year Project concerned the design, manufacture, and testing of an unmanned aerial vehicle. The nature of this project enabled me to obtain a deep understanding of computer aided design and manufacturing software like Pro-E and Ansys, while providing me with hands on experience in fabrication and Wind Tunnel testing; skills that would most certainly be utilized in the 'Vehicle Dynamics' course of study in the MEng program.

Soon after my graduation I was offered a Graduate Trainee Engineer position in Engro Power Generation plant. The global name of Engro, together with its attractive salary package, dragged me to joining the multinational company. However, I was quick to realize the divergence from my ultimate goal and resigned from the post within a year. Nonetheless, the 8 months experience in the multicultural environment helped me develop teamwork, leadership, and interpersonal skills that would prove very useful in succeeding in the Master program, as well as the career to follow.

Prospects in the field of automotive in Pakistan are very limited; whilst I aim to contribute to the field, the limitation of resources and supportive institutions are a major hindrance in continuing my education here. On the other hand, Western Countries with their much advanced technical resources and mode of teaching, and rich multicultural experience makes them a very attractive option to pursue my education in. Germany, being the den of automotive firms such as BMW, Audi, Ford, Mercedes, and Porsche, makes it to the top in my priority list. Moreover, the worldwide recognition of its degrees, the very low tuition fees, and its diversity makes it the perfect match for my goals.

A top class university that comes into my mind, keeping my aims in view, is the Esslingen University of Applied Sciences. Located in the heart of automotive industry, with close ties to industrial leaders such as Audi, Porsche, and Daimler makes it an excellent option for me. Moreover, the medium of instruction is English, eradicating the major language barrier that I would have to face with majority of other German universities. Furthermore, the courses offered in the Vehicle Dynamics specialization is right in line with my goals; and with its unique analytical approach to courses, it would make learning very interesting.

I truly hope that by accepting my application, you will allow me to acquire the tools of the trade required to step up to the challenge of my dreams.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 24, 2015   #2
You have a great writing style. I think it might be good to revise the second sentence so that it more clearly makes a connection with the idea of passion. You could use the word 'passion' again in that second sentence, and I think it would be okay. As it is now, it's there's not a very clear connection between the first and second sentence.

...life from the environment in which I grew up in . It's better to avoid ending a sentence with a preposition.

As a child I was intrigued by the aesthetic designs of cars, their ... --- great sentence!! I almost want to suggest moving this sentence to the top so it is the first sentence the reader see.

I notice you don't mention the word 'passion' again in the rest of the essay after you introduce it as a theme in the beginning. It is a great idea -- passion is the source of motivation. There's wisdom to it, but if you want to use that as your theme you'll need to make sure you talk about passion again in one of the body paragraphs and also in the conclusion paragraph.

Moreover, the worldwide recognition of its degrees, the very low tuition fees, and its diversity makes make ...

I like the last sentence, too. You could shorten it to make it a little stronger:
I truly hope that by accepting my application, you will allow me to acquire the tools of the trade required to step up to the challenge of my dreams. --- It's okay to cut that part out, because the sentence still carries the same meaning. There's no need to actually say 'accept my application'...

: ) You really seem to have a talent for writing, so I hope you'll explore that while you continue your studies.
nijanthan 3 / 7  
Mar 24, 2015   #3
Hello,

Kindly use more vocabulary this will make your essay richer. your content is good and deserve to get placed. and the way you started about your passion towards automobile was impressive .

All the best.


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