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'prosperous and perfect dream' - MS in Mechanical Engineering SOP


rizu 1 / 3  
Oct 21, 2014   #1
I would like to apply for MS. As part of the application, I have to submit SOP. Appreciate if the moderator and contributors could provide some feedback. And it is first version of it. Thanks, Rizu

Having a prosperous and perfect dream is not just a way to succeed in career and life, rather need to have ultimate plan or aspiration to pursuit the dream. It is my ambition to accomplish my MS leading to PhD in Mechanical Engineering from an outstanding school and be a part of the academia. "In undergraduate studies students are only taught to know the name of the reference books, the various branches and application with some very basic knowledge of Mechanical Engineering.

[...]
ShepherdN 2 / 4 1  
Oct 22, 2014   #2
In the first paragraph, you need not to states the fact the committee have already know. i think your should use more specific examples of YOURSELF, like one moment you were inspired to continue academia and so forth. Be specific! Delete all phrases have no particular relationship with you. No cliche!

you may also need to draw the reason why you turn to another company, as the reasons may be very important in you making a choice for the career selection or the school you are applying.

Also, and may be most important,I think you should state more about your graduate RESEARCH plan, may not be very professional, but at least you should show them your potential in academic study instead of being an ordinary undergraduate.As far as i know, committee members are more prefer to see how the research or internship formed your decision to apply for further study.

Good luck.
OP rizu 1 / 3  
Oct 28, 2014   #3
I have modified it. Please review it.

"Devil's Eye" that's what the kids told me when I first saw a gas flare stack while visiting a tea estate with my family. The bungalow was at the top of a small hill and a gas processing plant was within few miles and the flare was visible. It was very bright at night and kids living in the estate used to call it "Devil's Eye". One night I've asked my father: "Is it really a devil's eye?" My father thought for a few seconds before responding to his 5 year old son. "It's a huge torch to light the area where the engineers are working to get natural resources that hidden underneath the ground" he said. And instantly I made an assumption that the engineers are very brave and not even dare to work near a devils eye. "I don't fear the devil's eye and want to be an engineer when I grow up"-on the next morning I declared to the kids.

Since that early encounter, I was intrigued by the wonders of engineering and technology. Having been brought up in a developing country like Bangladesh, I have seen how technology impacts our daily life. And after realizing the unfolding challenges and opportunities the field of engineering has to offer, that I decided to make my career in it. Because of securing impressive scores in my high school studies, I was selected by one of the most prestigious engineering schools in the country. Though I was not mature enough when I took the decision to choose Mechanical as my undergraduate major, but the decision was not an impulsive one. Curiosity to know history of the "Devil's Eye" from my childhood and inclination to solve drag-lift problems in car racing games motivated me to go for mechanical engineering.

The undergraduate curriculum in Mechanical Engineering at Khulna University of Engineering & Technology, gave me a comprehensive exposure to various core areas. As my undergraduate years progressed, I've acquired a strong background in the fundamentals of the basic mechanical engineering subjects like Thermodynamics, Heat and Mass transfer, Solid Mechanics, Fluid mechanics, Mechanics of Machines, Design of machine elements, Materials Science. I have also had an introduction to specialized areas like Finite Element Techniques and Operations Research. Thermal and Fluid Sciences has captivated my interest during my undergraduate study and in relation to that I had also completed a project namely "Numerical Investigation of Fluid Flow inside a Diverging Duct" during my final year at the university. The flow characteristic was studied numerically, within a diverging passage through which a periodically fully developed flow of fluid was considered as the working fluid.

In order to extend my knowledge outside the realm of my syllabus I was also interested to be familiar with the professional industry. My first job was at a heavy agro food processing industry equipped with modern machineries, where I learned a lot about manufacturing processes, material handling, and power generating equipment. Using Six Sigma methodology and the process improvement method known as Kaizen, our team has increased usage of the storage by twenty-six percent for the same production facility. However, I switched my job to a power generation company has designed installation facility and installation of power generating equipment. Using thermal image analysis I have also modified a number of exhaust systems of few facilities. All these academic and professional experiences encouraged me to enrol into the Postgraduate program.

Now I know why a flare stack is necessary in a gas/oil processing plant and believe one day engineers will find a solution to replace the stack. As William A. Smith (1908) said, "Engineering is the science of economy, of conserving the energy, kinetic and potential provided and stored up by nature for the use of man. It is the business of engineering to utilize this energy to the best advantage, so that there may be the least possible waste".

Choosing an apposite university for completing higher study in abroad is the most vital task. Last few months, I have searched a lot of universities and found some important factors, which helped me to point out my desired university. From my little experience, I found that the XXX University plays pioneering roles in research in various aspects of mechanical engineering, specifically in the area of computational fluid dynamics. I am highly interested in regular TA/RA support.

I would like to thank you for taking time to read this essay and I look forward to hearing a positive reply to my application.

Sincerely,
arpitsardhana 1 / 4 2  
Nov 3, 2014   #4
SOP is rife with grammatical inaccuracies and structural errors. Please get it proofread and checked. For ex "In order to extend my knowledge outside the realm of my syllabus I was also interested to be familiar with the professional industry" such statements have inherent error. Besides you mentioned nowhere what is your ultimate goal.


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