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Pls Review "Motivation for Application and Career Goals" essay for NUS


cialit0506 1 / 2  
Nov 7, 2009   #1
Dear All,

Nice to meet you ppl! This is my first posting on EssayForum.com.

Basically, I want to read the Master of Social Science (Applied Economics) in NUS. Hence, I've written an application essay. However, my knowledge in Economics is limited as I graduated in Chemical Engineering. But, I'm sure of my interest in Economics and want to deepen my understanding on the topic.

Would appreciate if I can get any feedbacks on the following:

Does the essay sound coherent/logical?

- Is the flow smooth?

- Am I answering the questions?

- Does it sound fake?

Here's the essays (3 parts, with a maximum world limit of 400 words for each):

Please state as concisely as possible:
(a) why you are applying for the graduate degree and scholarship (if applicable):


Part of the team that was seconded to restructure Sime Darby Industrial Power (SDIP), a recently acquired company, I was granted an early promotion for a turnaround job well done.

Setting up branches in Borneo and implementing cost-optimization measures were enriching experiences. But, deep down I constantly asked myself, "Is this really what I want?" The answer to that question, and my commitment to intellectual inquiry - led me to make an important decision in my life.

The decision - to read a Masters in Applied Economics at the National University of Singapore (NUS).

Unlike other colleagues who had returned to business school, I'm not keen to pursue wealth at the expense of the other passion in my life. After careful examination, I realized that my passion lay in learning and applying economics theory in my daily chores.

Whilst that might sound dull, I find the process mentally stimulating. As a subject of both arts and science, applied economics is defined by precise rules, principles and axioms. Yet there was tremendous scope for self expression in the form of interpretation and analysis. And, the thought of reading the "International Trade and Finance" elective in NUS excites me even more.

Sadly, my passion couldn't be fully developed in SDIP. The operational nature of our work and my frequent overseas travels also exacerbated my scant understanding of economics. And I know that I lack the foundational economics concepts upon which practical experience is built.

Thus, I believe that the Masters in Applied Economics is the right path for me to gain this knowledge. Just as there's no substitute for experience, there's no substitute for the classroom environment. NUS's collaborative culture would allow me to receive formal and informal training from the faculty, guest speakers and fellow students that would be difficult to receive outside of a university setting. This is a view shared by Lim Char Char (Class of 2007 - BEng in Chemical Engineering), who described NUS as an "intellectual boot camp" where students care more about learning and teamwork than competing with each other. And, this is precisely the type of situation in which I thrive.

In my life, I've learned to trust my instinct because it's led me from one wonderful experience to another in just 25 years. Now, my instinct's telling me in no uncertain terms to read the Masters in Applied Economics in NUS.

Please state as concisely as possible:
(b) your career goals, and how the graduate degree would benefit you and your country:


After graduating from the NUS, I would join the Singapore office of Capital Dynamics (CD) Pte Ltd as an Economics Analyst. And I'll focus on analyzing the economies of Southeast Asia's 10 members.

After talking to Woei Ling, a former analyst of CD, I'm convinced that I'm up for the job. The long work hours and the huge amount of reading needed do not daunt me, not even a bit. That's because I believe that this role will finally allow me to fulfill my passion of learning and applying core theories in economics.

In the current information age, it seems easy to gather and analyze indicators such as inflation rate and GDP growth. But, determining the relationships between these indicators is definitely not easy. Even more difficult - using these relationships to predict the next move of the economy.

And, this is an area in which I can shine. I'm convinced that my exposure of working in both a developing country (Malaysia) and an advanced country (England) will help me to understand the sentiments of the various factions of people in society. Plus, the frequent job travels around Asia have also greatly expanded my perception on how different countries trade between each other. Relying on such insights, I have a more balanced viewpoint on Southeast Asia's economy. Hence, I'm able to make good foresights regarding our region's economy.

By sustaining high standards in my work at CD, I'm confident of being promoted to the post of Head of Economics Analyst in 5 years. Moreover, I'll volunteer to coach the younger and less experienced analysts in all of CD's Asian offices. By being their mentor, I'll impart my on-the-job knowledge to them. As most of the analysts are based in CD's Malaysia offices, I'm proud to lead a group of people who give unbiased report to my fellow countrymen. I believe that every little step helps in broadening the economics knowledge of the Malaysian public.

On top of functioning as a "passport" into CD, the Masters of Applied Economics allows me to tap into the knowledge and experience of a diverse body of students and teachers. The exposure to such a stellar group of people will help me to become a more well-rounded person. Plus, these relationships would be an ongoing resource to compare issues in different trades. This is especially important for my career, because as a good Economics Analyst, I'll have to be well-versed with all industries, and how they affect each other and the countries that they operate in.

Last but not least, I look forward to joining the FASS Mentorship Programme (FMP). To me, the FMP is a melting pot of ideas as each participant brings his or her unique insight and experience to the group. And, I'd be pleased to share my know-how in turning around SDIP, especially the simple yet effective procedures that reduced downtime and maximized my mechanics' yield. By sharing our knowledge, we could all be better people that ultimately contribute to a better society.

Please state as concisely as possible:
(c) [For non-Singaporeans] why you will return to your home country upon completing your coursework, or if not, why:


As much as I love Malaysia, it's highly unlikely that I'll return directly after my graduation to serve her.

This is because I'll take up the Service Obligation Scheme (SOS). Thus, it's very probable that I'll have to serve in Singapore for the next 3 years.

Moreover, I'm very sure of my career path after my graduation. I've done extensive research on CD, its culture, and its growth prospects. And, I'm certain that I'll be part of its growth within the next decade. Whilst it's good to have an open mind, I haven't come across any compelling opportunities for me to do so yet.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 7, 2009   #2
Just as there's no substitute for experience, there's no substitute for the classroom environment. -----> Good observation!

NUS's collaborative culture would enable me to receive...

Cut off what is not useful:
And, this is an area in which I can shine. I'm convinced that My exposure of Working in both a developing country (Malaysia) and an advanced country (England) will help me to understand the sentiments of the various factions of people in society. Moreover , the frequent ...

Last but not least, I look forward to joining the FASS Mentorship Programme (FMP). To me, t The FASS Mentorship Program is a melting pot of ideas as each participant brings his or her unique insight...

Wow FMP is an acronym made with another acronym. How efficient.
Overwatch_UA 2 / 14  
Nov 8, 2009   #3
Hello, GUANIE LIM!

1) everything seems logical and connected, you've explained your main points and statements thoroughly, I didn't notice any inconsistencies;

2) part1 definitely felt smooth, it was easy to follow and understand, I enjoyed reading it;
I read through part2 several times already and it seems ok now. But I know I felt somewhat lost and confused when I've read it the first time. You should probably tweak it some more.

3) absolutely

4) hm-m-m-m-m, nope! I didn't think "fake" about any of your pieces at all. Well, maybe that's because I'm naive =) Otherwise, I got the impression you were dead serious about everything.

Overall, you did a good job! There are some mistakes and weird sentences though. If you're still in the revising, reorganizing, rebuilding and cutting/pasting phase, there's no use in pointing them out just yet. But if this is almost final, you might want to apply some polish! I will point out those weak places, if you want me to.
OP cialit0506 1 / 2  
Nov 10, 2009   #4
Dear Kevin & Alexandr,

Thanks so much for reviewing my essays eventhough I have closed it...

I really appreciate your efforts...

The reason of me closing the thread - my seniors (who are working as analysts) looked through the essays, and gave me so much pointers that I really have to overhaul this piece of work (however reluctant I feel)...

If you don't mind, I would re-submit my essays within the next few weeks... Hopefully it will look much better then :-)

THanks again for being so kind!


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