Petroleum Engineering Statement of Purpose for a Master's degree (non-thesis)

I have given this to several people to review but I skill thing it i missing a lot of stuff. I's appreciate some feedback. I've left out some things like my research experience since I'm not applying for a thesis based master's. Here it is:

As the world tries to find viable alternative sources of energy which reduce harmful emissions, the amount of energy being consumed continues to rise. At present and for the foreseeable future, oil remains the most viable energy solution. As a result the future supply of energy and by extension the preservation of the environment relies on petroleum engineers. This makes petroleum engineering one of the most exciting fields and is a major reason why I have decided to supplement my bachelor's degree in xxx engineering by applying for a master's degree in petroleum engineering.

Growing up, I frequently visited my father's oil service company after church. These visits gave me an opportunity to learn about the oil & gas industry firsthand. Unfortunately, I lost my father and the visits stopped. However I did not lose my desire to become a petroleum engineer.

After my secondary education, I strongly believed that studying a broad engineering discipline at the undergraduate level would widen my scope as a petroleum engineer in the oil & gas industry. An internship at XXX (a xxx engineering firm in Nigeria) convinced me that xxx engineering would be a good choice due to the large number of xxx involved in different projects at the company. I therefore decided to study xxx engineering at the undergraduate level with the hope of pursuing a master's degree in petroleum engineering afterwards.

During my first two years of undergraduate studies at XXX University in England, I learned core engineering subjects such as thermofluids, engineering dynamics and thermodynamics. In my final year of studies, I chose subjects which looked at efficiency and the interaction between hydrocarbon fuels and engines such as tribology, internal combustion engines and energy systems analysis. These subjects made me realize that improving efficiency and producing oil in more environmentally friendly ways could save the environment while meeting energy demands.

I spent my third year of university working at XXX as an engineering intern. This gave me a chance to design and build machines. It also gave me the opportunity to learn to perform different engineering roles which have further increased my understanding of engineering and prove that I am a fast learner. I believe my experience will serve me well as a graduate student and as a petroleum engineer.

XXX University provides me with the best opportunities for graduate studies in petroleum engineering for several reasons. Aside from its location in one of the world's energy centers, the program provides a rare combination of full time academic faculty and faculty who spend time working as engineers in the oil industry. The university also provides a perfect balance between core petroleum engineering courses and business oriented courses. I believe these factors will provide me with a unique learning experience which is unmatched by other universities.

Admission to the master's program at XXX would be a crucial step in my academic, professional and personal life and ambitions. If accepted, I will be dedicated to performing at a level that will make both the university and I proud.

Comma after "Result"



These are just some minor corrections; your essay is well written, otherwise.

I do have a suggestion though. I found myself wondering, while reading about your visits to your father's company, what exactly was it that intrigued you during those visits and made you decide on petroleum engg? Anything in particular that you learned about the oil and gas industry that ignited your passion for the field? Maybe you could include that into your essay.

Good Luck!

SP10
Thank you. You are very correct.

The beginning might be stronger this way:
Even though the world is trying to find viable...

The last sentence of this paragraph is long, and I think a comma will help:
This makes petroleum engineering one of the most exciting fields, which is...

Add to that last paragraph by writing a sentence about the resources you'll take advantage of and the specific reasons why the school is a crucial part of your pan. The good use of the word crucial is to assert that, in order for your specific plan to be actualized, it is crucial for you to be able to use _________ as a resource and be involved with __________ club at this school.

:-)