Greetings,
Below is the first rough draft of my motivation letter. Unlike most US business school, the school of my choice did not indicate any instruction nor format for this letter on their website - I called them and was told to explain why I wanted to apply to this Master program. This draft is long and not completely coherent, but I needed to put some ideas on paper. I would be extremely grateful would someone agree to review it and offer his/her insights and advice.
Thanks again...
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December 8, 2009
Markus Venzin
Associate Professor
Director of the Master of Science in International Management Program
Universitŕ Bocconi
Admission Office, Room 321
Master Of Science Programs
Via Sarfatti 25
20135 Milano
Dear Dr. Venzin,
The Master of Science in International Management (MScIM) awarded by Universitŕ Bocconi is a pivotal factor to my ambition of leaving a positive legacy to our world. The hands-on approach, philosophy of cultural diversity and pedagogical focus on Globalization of this program are not only in continuation with my undergraduate academic achievements thus far, but also a dream match to my future professional goals. Such facts alone tremendously delight me, but even more attractive is the value this program offers by virtue of its Double Degrees options, relevant courses list, cosmopolitan profile - from faculty to student body to location! - and 'recession-aware' tuition and fees payment plans - let's face it: these are arduous economic times! Thus, I trust that applying for this program starting in Fall 2010 is irrefutably beneficial as a personal development experience, as a scholarly accomplishment and as the sine-qua-non phase towards fully realizing my vocational aspiration.
Hailing from the Gabonese Republic, I came to Southern California as an international student and completed the three last years of my undergraduate education at California State Polytechnic University, Pomona - a nationally well-known institution whose "learn by doing" philosophy promotes a hands-on application of knowledge. My scholastic efforts were not only crowned by the obtention of a Bachelor of Science in Food Marketing and Agribusiness Management (FMAM), but also by the acquisition of valuable skills such as polyvalent work styles, problem-solving competency, diligent networking and presentation skills - among several others. Additionally, my last academic year saw my induction in the Phi Chapter of the Phi Beta Delta Honor Society for International Scholars - an academic and professional organization aiming at fostering interdisciplinary and international studies. Striving to make the best of my education, I regularly took advantage of the various resources and extra-curricular activities offered by the university to heighten my leadership abilities and cross-cultural awareness - notably completing the Student Development & Leadership Institute (SDLI) program and working as a Resident Advisor for University Housing Services. But most importantly, I became passionate about the phenomenon of Globalization, thanks to my emphasis in International Agribusiness and my minor in International Marketing. These two academic specializations shaped my vision of the world in truly revealing ways: I had initially felt quite uneasy upon realizing how much the increasing interrelation within our world was a core notion of Globalization - fears of socio-cultural hegemony, linguicide and economic neocolonialism obsessed my judgment. However, I quickly understood that an appropriate approach to managing worldwide expansion was crucial to prevent such negatives effects from overpowering any positive repercussions. This is where I believe that my input as an international student from an emerging market economy would prove a valuable asset to this field of enterprise - as well as to the student body of Bocconi University, of course! While my cultural perspective and unique mindset already enhance my awareness of developing countries' needs and concerns, I entrust my academic training and professional acumen to provide me with the necessary tools to become an efficacious vehicle of Globalization.
The 'Real World' test of my body of knowledge came less than three months after graduation when Starbucks Coffee Company hired me as a Barista. Within three years, I first advanced to the rank of Training Coach, then to my current post of Shift Supervisor. This latter position strongly emphasizes vigorous spirit of initiative, effective interpersonal savvy, flexible leadership styles and rigorous administrative capabilities - a set of skills that I had already developed in my position as Resident Advisor. As a shift Supervisor, I further developed my multi-tasking and time management proficiencies, along with a zoom-like flexibility in my analytical skills - making me very adept at monitoring the overall development of a project while keeping track of minute details in a time-sensitive fashion. An astonishing aspect of my position - one that I had not foreseen upon applying - involved my linguistic abilities and the particular location of my store: I studied Spanish for four years in secondary school and ended up working for Starbucks in a predominantly Spanish-speaking neighborhood. Regrettably, the overwhelming majority of my coworkers did not speak Spanish and often relied on my prowess in this language to interact with strictly Hispanophone clients. Such occurrences were rampant and regularly the stock of humoring surprises for these customers who never expected an African international student to display such proficiency at speaking their language - to which I jokingly retort that all languages must descend from some proto-African tongue!
Although challenging and exciting, my role as a Shift Supervisor only does so much to satisfy my creative and inquisitive mind - problem-solving has always been my secret pleasure! I truly enjoy being presented with a 'situation' - which I do not necessarily think of as a 'problem' - and having to 'engineer' solutions! Among the numerous outlets satisfying my innovation cravings, jewelry designing has been the most rewarding, enduring and useful. Now, one might wonder how does such a hobby possibly relate to a Master of Science in International Management program! What I find relevant about jewelry designing is that whatever creation or design I conjure up in my mind must first and foremost be useful and valuable for the user. No one has need for gorgeous earrings when they are too heavy or a stunning-looking wire-wrapped bracelet if it is bound to disentangle and scratch its owner. Thus, my interest in jewelry designing is not only a great source of stimulation for my creativity and spirit of innovation - 'Thinking out of the Bead', as I like to put it -, but it also requires me to have a plan of action grounded in a pragmatic reality as well as the ability to forecast and test my designs under various conditions. I have successfully applied this philosophy in a true interdisciplinary fashion to other areas of my life - including professional and academic - and I believe that it also echoes many of the International Management program's pedagogical objectives. 'Challenging and Exciting' is exactly how I view this Master Program for it is how it makes me feel: challenged and excited. Would my application receive a favorable answer, I know that there will be work to tackle down for some very fruitful results! For one, I have every single intention of applying to the prestigious CEMS-MIM offered at Bocconi University. Since I still have room to improve my Spanish proficiency, ESADE in Barcelona would make the perfect location for my semester abroad. As for internship prospects, so much can be factored in terms of networking and job opportunities that I would wait and sort through what may come my way during the upcoming 2 years - although I strongly favor Switzerland, Belgium and Denmark as locations. If I am not admitted to the CEMS-MIM program, my contingency plan is to apply for a Double Degree track - a very rewarding alternative.
As for a career, I ultimately aim to work for an international organization dealing with issues related to world hunger, malnutrition and Food security. I intend to be part of the decision-making process regarding the transit of food products and agricultural commodities around the world - specifically within the scope of humanitarian action and economic development aid - to insure that these aforementioned goods effectively reach their target population and areas. Globalization can effectively help alleviate these scourges, but only with requisite agents in the appropriate functions. This is who and where I aim to be and while I reckon that my undergraduate education and professional experience might be tentative stepping stones necessary to further such endeavor, I am unequivocally certain that the MScIM from Bocconi University is the spearhead I need to succeed.
Respectfully yours,
Luc A. Lepandou
Hi Luc,
As you found out when you called, the motivation letter should be about why you are applying to this Master program. Other than in your first paragraph and the second half of your last sentence, you don't address their question. Your are writing to the program director to introduce yourself and explain WHY BOCCONI? Why this school versus all other schools? Once you have addressed this, you can pitch why you would be a good candidate for them i.e.
This is where I believe that my input as an international student from an emerging market economy would prove a valuable asset to this field of entreprise - as well as to the student body of Bocconi University, of course!
Isn't there a part in the application where you have to list your work experiences so you don't have to do that in the letter. I like your creative jewelry designing - maybe you can link that to why Bocconi (i.e. its location in the fashion capital of Europe.)
It is with great pleasure that I am coming by this letter to convey my vivid interest in applying for The Master of Science in International Management (MScIM; starting in Fall 2010) is a...
I chopped that weak cliched opening so that the subject of this first sentence can be the master's program. Try writing the sentence from here.
The Master of Science in International Management (MScIM; starting in Fall 2010) represents an important step in my process of...
Thus, I trust that applying to this program would be reciprocally beneficial.
When you say "thus" it means that what you are about to say is based on what you have just been saying... but nothing in that first para suggests a way you will reciprocate the benefit.
Oh, I see that this essay is very strong and that you have great qualifications! I just suggest rewriting that first para so that it focuses on your clear intentions, your clear plan for the next 5 years, including this school as a necessary step. Bolster that intro! :-)
Greetings to all,
Know that you have all my gratitude for the insights you have provided me. I have taken notice and made some tentative changes. Below is a revised version of my essay. Since I have not edited on its length yet, it still is rather long - about 1270 words! If you have any suggestions for it, I'd be glad to read about them.
Thank you again..
This part needs help:
...represents a pivotal factor affecting my ability to actualize my potential and l eave a positive legacy to our world.
I don't think it is necessary to capitalize globalization.
Excellent, Luc, this is so impressive. Congratulations for being so great! Your writing is excellent, and your intentions seem excellent, too!
