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Essay: MBA your career progress to date. Elaborate on your future goals - feedback


answers: 5
Dec 27, 2010, 05:19am   #
Hi,

I would request you to please review the essay.
Appreciate your help.

Thanks,
Sohil

Essay. Briefly assess your career progress to date. Elaborate on your future career plans and your motivation for pursuing an MBA. (600 word limit)


Back in 2005 during my engineering final year, sensing my reluctance to interview with Impetus, a company not known to many, our head of the Training & Placement cell Professor Pai, whispered two words that forever changed me: "THINK BIG!". My decision to follow my professor's advice set the pace of my career.

My work at Impetus for the last 4 years has been with a focus on the interactive television domain. I led a team of 5 people to develop a product which helps in data-optimized media buying for broadcast & cable that has revolutionized media buying in the advertising industry globally. Our software products cater to a global audience crossing all bars of language, culture and society and requires me to think big. While moving rapidly upward at Impetus, I have developed valuable technical and sales skills. Since my onsite visit to Boston in 2008, I have successfully won a contract for a product which has increased sales to nearly 0.5 million dollars within a year. I have created an extensive network, received outstanding evaluations and been declared "Employee of the year-2008". Our Engineering Director, Rakesh Gupta, has introduced me to our executives as the "rising star" of Impetus. Now, I look to the XXX MBA to help me prepare myself for the next stage of my career.

My experiences have set me well on the way and yet left me with one humbling self-assessment: I do not yet possess the tools that I need to achieve my long-term aspirations. Post my MBA, I hope to take on a strategic role in the Business Development and Marketing department, making the most of what I learn at XXX to handle complex and sensitive team environments, evaluate key industry trends, identify new markets and create effective global marketing strategies.

Three to five years post-MBA, I hope to attain a good position in the field of Sales & Marketing by working for a global High Tech Company. Ultimately, I would like to honor my strong entrepreneurial streak, setting up a technology firm which will help people to lead a better life.

The XXX MBA experience will be central to my success, first as an executive, and later, as an entrepreneur. I am especially interested in the Entrepreneurship & Innovation Program, which will offer me opportunities to develop my entrepreneurial and leadership skills in a variety of academic and extracurricular contexts and the Leadership Development program, which develops skills necessary for effective collaborative leadership in international business. XXX is truly global, with international students accounting one-third of the class and with the diversity of people who represent nearly every industry and job, making the program my first choice. Now, poised to enter the next stage of my career, "Thinking big" has become much more than something I do—it has become part of who I am, and I look forward to further developing my ability to turn these thoughts and dreams into real achievements, working alongside my classmates and future colleagues at XXX.

Dec 27, 2010, 09:11am   #
Hi,

I have a few suggestions for you;

Back in 2005 during my engineering final year, sensing my reluctance to face the interview with Impetus, a company not known to many, our head of the Training & Placement cell, Professor Pai, whispered two words that forever changed me forever: "THINK BIG!".


My work at Impetus for the last 4 years has been with a focused on the interactive television domain.

I led a team of 5 people to develop a product which helps in data-optimized media buying for broadcast & cable that has revolutionized media buying in the advertising industry globally.---------I find this sentence is a bit messy ( especially the section in bold letters) and hard to understand your idea. May be because I'm not a communication engineer who does not understand the jargon of your field. However, I prefer if you can re-write this to give a clearer idea to the reader. What do you mean by " media buying"? It confuses me.

Our software products cater to a wider global audience crossing all bars barriers of language, culture and society and they requires demand me to think big. While moving rapidly upward having a speedy advancement in my carrier positions at Impetus, I have also been able to developed valuable technical and sales skills.


GOOD LUCK WITH YR APPLICATION!!
Dec 27, 2010, 11:23am   #
Hi Dumi,

Thanks a lot. I did modifications according to your suggestions.
Please review the sentences marked in bold.
Also, do you think the content is complete in covering the scope of the topic?
Please let me know of any comments.
Appreciate your help.

Thanks,
Sohil


Essay. Briefly assess your career progress to date. Elaborate on your future career plans and your motivation for pursuing an MBA. (600 word limit)


Back in 2005 during my engineering final year, sensing my reluctance to face the interview with Impetus, a company not known to many, our head of the Training & Placement cell Professor Pai, whispered two words that changed me forever: "THINK BIG!". My decision to follow my professor's advice set the pace of my career.

My work at Impetus for the last 4 years has been focused on the interactive television domain. I led a team of 5 people to develop an end-to-end solution for buying television media. A product, which uses aggregated, anonymous set-top viewership data to optimize ad placements based on audience segmentation and target criteria, has revolutionized media buying in the advertising industry globally. Our software products cater to a wider global audience crossing all barriers of language, culture and society and they demand me to think big. While having a speedy advancement in my career positions at Impetus, I have also been able to develop valuable technical and sales skills. Since my onsite visit to Boston in 2008, I have successfully won a contract for a product which has increased sales to nearly 0.5 million dollars within a year. I have created an extensive network, received outstanding evaluations and been declared "Employee of the year-2008". Our Engineering Director, Rakesh Gupta, has introduced me to our executives as the "rising star" of Impetus. Now, I look to the XXX MBA to help me prepare myself for the next stage of my career.

My experiences have set me well on the way and yet left me with one humbling self-assessment: I do not yet possess the tools that I need to achieve my long-term aspirations. Post my MBA, I hope to take on a strategic role in the Business Development and Marketing department, making the most of what I learn at XXX to handle complex and sensitive team environments, evaluate key industry trends, identify new markets and create effective global marketing strategies.

Three to five years post-MBA, I hope to attain a good position in the field of Sales & Marketing by working for a global High Tech Company. Ultimately, I would like to honor my strong entrepreneurial streak, setting up a technology firm which will help people to lead a better life.

The XXX MBA experience will be central to my success, first as an executive, and later, as an entrepreneur. I am especially interested in the Entrepreneurship & Innovation Program, which will offer me opportunities to develop my entrepreneurial and leadership skills in a variety of academic and extracurricular contexts and the Leadership Development program, which develops skills necessary for effective collaborative leadership in international business. XXX is truly global, with international students accounting one-third of the class and with the diversity of people who represent nearly every industry and job, making the program my first choice. Now, poised to enter the next stage of my career, "Thinking big" has become much more than something I do—it has become part of who I am, and I look forward to further developing my ability to turn these thoughts and dreams into real achievements, working alongside my classmates and future colleagues at XXX.
Hi, I re-read your essay today and felt that the 2nd paragraph about your short term goals can be made descriptive where you can list down your areas of interest in sales and marketing.

Thanks
Raghav.



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