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Master of Public Health-Management track Main statement


answers: 4
I would like to get some feedback on my statement. Anything to improve my statement.

Mailman-Columbia University\Main Statement [limit: 500 words]:

Please attach a typed (double-spaced) statement describing your interest in the area(s) of concentration specified, relationship of prior education and experience to the area of concentration, and career objectives. Please be sure to include your name on your personal statement.

As a child, I was in and out of the hospital so frequently that some of my earliest memories involve my being around the hospital bed. My childhood amusement often entails a game of role-play with my toy stethoscope, a syringe and a tattered doll, which would be adequate for my practice of medicine. This may have originated my fascination with health and science, it was no surprise that I decided to study biology at University of Toronto and later specialized in immunology.

SEE BELOW

Jan 4, 2010, 12:59am   #
Hi Linda,

These are just some cursory corrections; I will be able to look at the essay in greater detail after this week. So, i will try to give you more of a substantial feedback, then. But here is something to start you off;


lindajwsun:
As a child, I was in and out of the hospital so frequently that some of my earliest memories involve my being around the hospital bed. My childhood amusement often entails a game of role-play with my toy stethoscope, a syringe and a tattered doll, which would be adequate for my practice of medicine. This may have originated my fascination with health and science, it was no surprise that I decided to study biology at University of Toronto and later specialized in immunology.


I really liked your first sentence. It certainly had me curious as to why you spent so much time in the hospital and i admit, i was expecting the next line to give some sort of an explanation. So, when you started to talk about your childhood amusement, it threw me off a little. Maybe you could add in another line to describe why you were in the hospital so often?.....OR just start off with "My childhood amusement..."

other corrections:

"often entailed"

"These games triggered my fascination....science, hence, it was no surprise...."

hope this helped and I'll go through the other paragraphs soon.

:)
I see, thanks. I changed the order of my paragraphs a bit because it seemed confusing in chronological order. Here is the new version.

As a child, I was in and out of the hospital so frequently that some of my earliest memories involve my being around the hospital bed. Born 2 months prematurely, I became easily infected with the flu and often develop a high fever that caused my parents to rush me to the hospital. My childhood amusement often entailed a game of role-playing with my toy stethoscope, a syringe and a tattered doll, with which I would practice medicine. From my frequent trips to the hospital, I was keenly aware of the negative effects of disease on people around me. Nevertheless, these games triggered my fascination with health and science, hence, it was no surprise that I decided to study biology at University of Toronto and later specialized in immunology. It was my volunteer experience at the Darling Home for Kids (DHK) that changed my focus, and I started to gravitate towards public health.
During the summers of my second and third year as an undergraduate student, I worked with children who suffer from life-limiting disease and are permanently dependent on technology. Even though clinical advances allow for better diagnosis and treatment of their diseases, raising awareness and applying a community-based prevention program can improve population-level health.
My current research project is focused on the development and optimization of procedures used for adoptive cell therapy in a mouse model. We hope to apply our findings from the mouse model to our clinical work. To date, I have found that the combination of adoptive transferred T cells, immunization and IL-2 treatments cause a more frequent tumour regression in mice compared to those with only transferred T cells and immunization.
Throughout my research experience, I realized that the management of research organizations interests me. While there is so much intellectual power within a research lab and across the entire hospital, the management of researchers is absolutely essential to bring out the best in each lab and institution.
Both research lab and health facility require meticulous planning and administration of its finance. I have always enjoyed budgeting and have, for example, carefully planned a budget for my undergraduate education. I planned and adhered to my budget using money from past savings, scholarships, part-time and summer jobs to pay for school, housing and other necessities. From my various summer jobs, a good manager can bring out the best in workers. With a good manager, team members can work efficiently together and gain more job satisfaction.
After careful and considerate research about my future studies, I believe that the management track of the Master of Public Health program at Columbia University would be a perfect fit with my current goal to further my education in health care management. Mailman is a place that sees the potential in people and nurtures them to become successful leaders.
I believe that training in the field of health care management; in combination with my previous research skills will position me to fulfill my dream in changing the health and well being of people. My ultimate goal is to acquire a position in applied public health in a traditional health firm, hospital, or community-based organization. Such a career will allow me to use the skills I have acquired up to this point and in the future to change the health and lives of many people.
Hey, that first paragraph is going to be great, but take the sentence about volunteer experience and move it to para #2. It does not fit in the first para. End that first para with a sentence about the main idea, your vision of a future in health care.

commas:
I believe that training in the field of health care management, in combination with my previous research skills, will position me to fulfill my dream in changing the health and well being of people.



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