My love story with computers; Personal statement/Computer science

Hello every body, Here is my personal statement for applying to postgraduate studies in computer science. So l will be grateful to you if you take some time to rate and fix this statement and help me. thnx a lot :)

My love story with computers started from about 15 years ago, When I was 7 years old at my primary school where I was studying computer courses with in it, I met my first programming language called Logo it was used for making 2D graphics in addition to some functional programming features like handling I/O, files and lists, I liked it a lot and it was my first gate to the programming world I was so clever in it and I won many competitions across my school and other schools.

This passion to computers and programming made me read more about programming and computer science concepts in my early days and also it guided my decision to choose computer science as my field of study during my higher education stage. When I succeeded to join faculty of computers and information, I felt that one of my biggest goals was achieved and the chance to make big success in the field which I like is opened to me, So I worked hard during my study which was very exciting to me in this stage I had two main goals first, to make an outstanding academic record during my study and the second, was to build high technical skills and specially in programming and thanks to God I was able to achieve those goals.

This success in my undergraduate study enables me to have the chance to work in leading and multinational software development firms, I worked in StructuralSoft Inc. an American architectural and CAD systems company as software developer in their CAD systems then I went to ITS-GBS (one of the leading Islamic banking software solutions companies in the world) as software developer also I made some development of custom applications during my military service.

Now I feel that my passion to computer science still need more and also my skills need to be more advanced and sharpened to enable me to be a successful computer scientist and one of the software architecture gurus who could participate in the development of leading technologies in the field, It is in research and development that I believe I can make the greatest contribution, utilizing my theoretical background and creativity as a scientist. So I think that having the chance to pursue my postgraduate studies in a superb reputable university like your University with it's ownership of an outstanding and highly qualified teaching stuff, high quality of the educational process and large research and technological capabilities could be a great aid to achieve my goal. I hope you will give me the privilege of continuing my studies at your fine institution.

I think you can omit the first sentence and directly go from "when I was 7 years old...". Also, you have to check your grammar and reword the sentences.