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the lives of patients - Speech Language Pathology Personal Statement


answers: 7
Jan 13, 2011, 03:58pm   #1
I need help! What do you guys think of this personal statement for Speech Pathology? It's still pretty rough but its due in 2 days.

Do you remember the first time you met someone who couldn't express themselves? Not someone who simply had trouble "finding the right words." I mean, someone who was unable to articulate everyday, mundane thoughts and observations? The first time I met someone like this, I began to develop a clearer understanding of how I wanted to influence the world around me.
During a clinical observation in my first language disorders class at Penn State, I was introduced to a twenty year old girl with traumatic brain injury who was undergoing language therapy. While the patient had slight gait abnormalities, she otherwise seemed perfectly "normal." That was, until I heard her attempt to speak.
The patient had suffered from cognitive and communicative....
SEE BELOW


In brief, I have been fortunate enough to have a variety of experiences that have lead me to complete confidence in my future ambitions as a Speech Language Pathologist. I have the motivation, passion, and skills that, with the knowledge from a Master's degree at ------- College, will allow me to impact the lives of patients similar to those I have encountered thus far in my studies and experiences. I hope that you will give me the opportunity of receiving a higher education at the renowned ------ University so that I may fulfill my potential.

alternative conclusion:
These experiences have left no question or doubt in my mind as to what I want to do professionally. I seek more challenge and growth at ----- College, where my insight into the clinical field, research experience, patience, and optimism is valued. I have the interest and the skills to effectively deliver speech and language therapy, and I would welcome the opportunity to earn my Master of Science degree in Speech and Language Pathology at ------ College.

This is SO GOOD. its so well written and it flows very well. I hope to someday go into speech pathology myself and I was really inspired by what you have done. I like the first conclusion more it really highlights how passionate you are. any college would be stupid to turn you down. its really great. good job (:

good luck on where ever your applying!
Jan 13, 2011, 04:56pm   #3
Thank you so much!! I'm still convinced it needs a lot of help though :(

It's nice to hear your kind words though.

p.s. I agree with you about the conclusion choice
Jan 13, 2011, 05:36pm   #4
If anyone else could PLEASEEE give me some criticisms of the essay, grammatical corrections, flow ideas, it would be GREATLY appreciated. It's due on Saturday and I really think it needs a lot of work
Jan 25, 2011, 06:01pm   #5
Attached on merging:
Speech Pathology 300 Word Personal Statement- VERY HARD TO WRITE WITH SO LITTLE SPACE

Hi everyone,

This is a personal statement that has to be 300 words.
If anyone could give me grammatical/flow/general advice, it would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!!


Do you remember the first time you met someone who couldn't express himself? The first time I did, I think it's what changed my life.
During a clinical observation in my first language disorders course, I met Jenny, a twenty year old girl with TBI. Following a car accident, she suffered from cognitive and communication deficits and difficulties with executive functioning. I remember the SLP asking her to describe in detail how to make a sandwich. Jenny managed to talk about going to the kitchen and opening the refrigerator, but she couldn't remember or explain what to do next. She had lost the simplest of communication skills. I felt for Jenny and found myself fascinated with her issues. I also was impressed with the hope the therapist gave Jenny. It made me realize that this was the type of impact I wanted to have on someone's life.
With this focus, I found academic success in my prerequisite courses and sought to learn more beyond the classroom. I observed SLPs and audiologists at the North Shore/LIJ Hearing and Speech Center, where I witnessed different therapies, modified barium swallows, and laryngeal stroboscopies. In addition, while assisting Lynn Spivak, Ph.D., the director of the center, I interviewed parents of infants who failed their hearing screenings but did not receive follow-up for hearing aids. Here, I learned of the fears faced by parents whose children are born with hearing problems.
Eager to explore other types of therapies, I applied for a teacher assistant position at the Brookville Center for Children's Services where, among other things, I perform ABA therapy in a classroom of children with severe autism.
These experiences have strengthened my resolve to become an SLP. I have the motivation and passion that, with the knowledge from a master's degree at Queens College, will allow me to impact the lives of those in need.
Because you talk about meeting Jenny, a girl, I would suggest saying herself instead of himself in the first sentence.

aek200:
but she couldn't remember or explain what to do next. She had lost the simplest of communication skills.

do you mean she couldn't remember how to explain it? Or she actually couldn't remember what came next.

aek200:
I also was impressed with the hope


Maybe :I was also impressed ---- instead?

aek200:
With this focus, I found academic success

With this goal in mind --- instead of with this focus? or --- focusing on this goal ---

aek200:
sought to learn more beyond the classroom.

sought education beyond the classroom ---- maybe?

aek200:
where I witnessed different therapies, modified barium swallows, and laryngeal stroboscopies

with "I witnessed different therapies" you seem to be starting a list, so maybe include "such as" before the different types

aek200:
In addition, while assisting Lynn Spivak, Ph.D., the director of the center,

I would switch the role and the name here, "In addition, while I was assisting the director of the center, Lynn Spicak, Ph.D.,"

should it be "teachers assistant" instead of "Teacher assistant"?

aek200:
I perform ABA therapy in a classroom of children with severe autism.

"thereapy for a class of children with severe autism" perhaps?

Over all I like it, and it's clear you have a passion for the field. Good job!

It should be noted, I'm a highschool student, so my word is FAR from gospel, just some tweaks I would make if it were mine
Feb 1, 2011, 02:51pm   #7
I was introduced to a twenty year-old girl---I added a hyphen.

The first time I did, I think it's what changed my life.---The grammar is a little messed up here.
The first time I did, I think ---doesn't work.
The first time I did, I think it's what it changed my life.---less is more! :-)

... that this was the type of impact I wanted to have on someone's life.---or.. people's lives. Or just.... ....the type of impact I wanted to have. ---less is more!

Nice... these are very solid essays. One way to improve might be to show that you are reading all the recent studies that are changing the field of SLP. At the forefront of every field, new research is changing the whole thing, and you can impress the reader with some reference to the most modern advancements. That proves your seriousness.

:-)



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