Life Decision
My family believed in choosing a profession that requires talents one has exhibited since childhood. Because my immediate elder brother had loved drawing of any kind and on any kind of surface, we saw him as a future architect. However my case was different and confusing to everyone, because I had always loved and cared for people in different ways since childhood. Also I had loved arguing and enjoyed judging people in several ways. My Mom had told me that she saw two different professions in me: a doctor and a lawyer, but she said that both professions depend on my mood at any particular time. Mom told me that whenever I cared for people and showed people love that she saw the doctor in me. Perhaps when I argued and judged people she saw a lawyer on the contrary. Meanwhile I was seven years old at that time, so I believed that as I grew older the appropriate decision about my career would be made.
One sunny summer evening, the sun was still shinning with the temperature of at least 80 degree. I was at home with Uncle Eke aged 86 years old who had lived with us for at least a year. On that evening after school, I came home to do my homework. Uncle Eke came out and welcomed me as he normally did, and he headed back to his room to read newspapers, his evening leisure activity. At 7pm I was ready for bed, but I realized that I had another hour before my bed time, so I decided to watch television. As I was watching television I heard a loud shout from Uncle Eke's room calling me the name he liked addressing me (mikky). The shout was unusual because he had never screamed from his room. Even though I was only ten years old, I ran as fast as a cheetah into Uncle Eke's room. Uncle Eke was on the floor helplessly, longing for breath and holding onto his chest. I did not know what to do, who to call, or where to go, because I was the only one at home. We had no neighbors because my Dad had built his house away from others. He claimed that he didn't want distractions of any kind. His decision turned out to be a huge disadvantage at the time of the incident. My country (Nigeria) was a third world country, no 911 calls, cell phones or house phones then. As I watched Uncle Eke struggle between life and death, I was afraid even to run out on the street to find anyone who could have been of help. I equally was praying for him to hold on for at least another hour, knowing fully well that my mom would be home in no time. Before I knew it the wind blew away, as Uncle Eke was trying to mention my name, he ended with Mikkkkk. I screamed, shook him, jumped up and down but got no response. At that time I did not know what that means or even what was going on, all that I knew was that Uncle Eke was not responding at all.
My mom walked in just after the incident, and I stood with tears in my eyes without saying a word. My Mom tried to find out what had happened but at that point I was in shock, helpless and speechless. She ran round the house shouted at the top of her lungs and asked Uncle Eke to please wake up. Mom kept on and on telling him he still needed to accomplish many things, but there was no response. Then Mom ran out from the house; God knows where she headed.
Later Uncle Eke's body was taken away, but I still did not understand what really happened. I tried to find out what happened to Uncle Eke the next day, if he was coming back soon, since he has been gone seems yesterday. Sadly, I was told that he was gone for good and that he had a heart attack. Now I knew that he was dead, uncontrollable tears roll down my cheek as I recall about the incident. Uncle Eke's death was a mystery to me, now I understand that people can easily die without immediate medical help. Uncle Eke's death had always been in my mind. On that day I thought of many things and I equally asked myself a question, "If I had been a physician or had been trained in the medical field, could I have prevented Uncle Eke from suffering or perhaps even dying?"
Death, you are a thief.
I will never let death to catch up with people when there are possible medical solutions. Truely the heart attack was severe, and I will never forget Uncle Eke's death. His death gave my life a different meaning and helped me make the decision of a lifetime. I decided I wanted to be a Physician Assistant because caring is my passion. I wanted the challenge of diagnosing illness, and I wanted the opportunity of treating people's illness. I wanted to save people's lives to prevent disease and to cure them.
I liked your essay! It painted a picture for me, and your reasoning for wanting to become a P.A. is extraordinary. However i do feel as though parts of your essay are a tad bit repetitive. For example: in the final paragraph you stated more than once that you wanted to help people. My suggestion will be to state that in different ways or put more details on the path your going to take in helping others.
My family believed in choosing a profession that one exhibited from childhood.--- I know what you mean, here, but this sentence does not make sense.
My family believed in choosing a profession that requires talents one has exhibited since childhood.
Don't use also and as well in the same sentence.
I really like this essay, but I want to shave off the first part. I think you should start with this:
My Mom had told me that she saw two ... and omit the stuff that came before it.
Then, add a new thesis sentence to the end of the first paragraph. Make it a sentence that captures the central meaning of the whole essay.
One more correction:
Consequently My mom walked in just after the incident, and I stood with tears in my eyes without saying a word.
Meanwhile I was seven years old at that time, so I believed that as I grew older the appropriate decision about my career would be made.
It is better to use seven instead of 7.
This is powerful writing: God knows where she headed.
Death, you are a thief.--- very nice... you are great! I'm glad you will enter the medical field.
Thanks Kevin and to all. Now I do have some changes but I done know if is a good change or bad to my narrative, please check and give me fed back because I am running short of time, I need to submitte my narrative as soon as possible.
I will never let death to catch up with people when there are possible medical solutions.
This is a powerful sentence, and I don't think you need to change it, but be warned that if you are determined to succeed every time you might start to burn out. Take care of yourself! We are lucky to have medical professionals with this kind of attitude.
Spelling: Truly the heart attack was...
