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Kathy reminded me of my own parents; Person who impacted my life


tienvo95 1 / 1  
Jul 22, 2013   #1
Hello I'm new here and I don't know how to do it
This essay I wrote for college that I apply for it
I still remember the first experience that I had at the Health Care Center and how it change me into who I really am right now.

As a volunteer with my high school friends, we were given the opportunity to attended and to help to explain how the program works. A woman named Kathy came and approached me. Although I could tell that she was exhausted, but she offered a warm smile as she greeted me . Afterward we began to walk towards the table, she informed me that she was a mother of five children, and this would be the first check up she's had in the last two years. Her story began to inspire me in more ways than I could have ever imagined. The most amazing aspect of Kathy was the joy when she talked to me about her children. Her dream was for her children to have a better education. Although she doesn't have enough money to take care of her children but she won't give up and always keeps up the hard work. We sorted out the perfect medications for each of her children and stacked them carefully in her bag. As she gathered her things to leave, she embraced me tightly and continued to thank me. She reminded me that this will mean the world to her children, and she could not even begin to describe how much my help meant to her. I smiled back with happiness .

After the encounter with Kathy, somehow she reminded me of my own parents. I thought to myself. My parents gave up their life in Vietnam and came here for us to have a better future. They have been working so hard from early morning till dawn afternoon. They provided me everything that I needed. But instead I did not try my best. It made me realize that how lucky I am of having such a unique opportunity for a bright future. This led me to change my attitude towards school. Before that I thought school had no purpose, since I spoke different language. But I understand now! To be successful in life you have to have dream, be educated.

Through their hard work, determination and sacrifice; my parents and Kathy had impacted me a lot. They always reminded me to work hard because hard work always paid off, not instantly but sooner or later. Also they taught me to appreciate everything I have, and to never get carried away by money, to get an education and become someone in life. My goal should be to help those who are struggling as well, and support them to keep chasing after their dreams. My encounter with Kathy showed me that I could use my life story to lend a hand and make a difference.

Thank you!!!
vananhnguyen 2 / 5  
Jul 22, 2013   #2
"how it change me"....> I think you should use the past tense.
"But instead I did not try my best. It made me realize .." ...> delete "."
jkjeremy - / 380 72  
Jul 22, 2013   #3
If you were to outline this essay, how would you do it?

I. Identify the person. (You've done this.)

II. Specify ONE way in which this person impacted you.

III. Specify ANOTHER way in which this person impacted you

IV. If you'd like, specify a THIRD way in which this person impacted you.

Also, for some reason you've drifted into a discussion of your mother. You're writing either about Kathy or Mom---not both.
OP tienvo95 1 / 1  
Jul 22, 2013   #4
vananhnguyen:
Thank you for ur advice, I'll do ur
jkjeremy :
thank you for reply
so u mean that I need to do number II, III, and IV
and about the Kathy and Mom, that's mean when i met Kathy and I remember about my mom and my parent
jkjeremy - / 380 72  
Jul 22, 2013   #5
so u mean that I need to do number II, III, and IV

Yes please. Write exactly one sentence per item.

Forget about Mom (not forever, just on this essay).


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