I would appreciate any help. Please have a look at the essay and let me know if I need to add/ edit any thing. Also help would be appreciated from fellow Indians who have joined MPH. I would love to know your admissions experience...was it easy to get in? Tough? After BDS did u do any other course to help get in?
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During my course as a dentist in India, we had to study the various branches of dentistry. One among them was Public Health Dentistry, which we learnt about epidemiology, bio statistics and dental health for the country as a whole. We used our time to organize various camps for the underprivileged. Having a love for organizing events , along with a few friends , I often found myself volunteering to head the process that went into organizing "free check up" dental camps in areas where dental services were unheard of . We travelled for miles into the rural areas , so that we could offer our services to the people who had no way to reach us. Just that small act in this vast world made me feel like I was making a difference. The smiles and gratitude of those people was what made me go back for more.
The last year made me see a change in perspective. I have travelled to the United States numerous times before to visit my aunt, but this time was special because on my way to the mall, a homeless man handed me a single rose with a smile and said "happy new year". Being a dentist , I have an unfortunate habit of noticing a persons teeth before anything else. This instance was no different. Oblivious to oral hygiene, not to mention personal hygiene, he gave me his widest smile. It was then that It struck me that he had no idea how to take care of himself. I looked around and saw many more like him, bundled up in the cold, trying to survive the cold winter. I realized that the availability of health resources was not an issue just in my country, but all around the globe. This incident brought about a shift in my view which broadened from dentistry to public health in general. After numerous online searches for a course that would help me make a difference to public health, I came across the Masters in Public Health program.
I understand that on completion of this program I will be better equipped to help organize actions that can make a bigger impact on health. I also look forward to sharing a classroom with like minded individuals who will probably enrich my mind with new possibilities. Where I come from , public health is a privilege not a necessity. I believe every individual, regardless of their status, should be privy to health related information and I hope to be part of that change.
Completing my MPH will be my first step in that direction and I would love to have the opportunity to do it in ------ because I am confident that the .... Program will help me acquire the knowledge and skills required for evaluating health status, designing solutions and eventually complete prevention of health related issues. I look forward to the discussion oriented learning that I will be doing at ~~~~. As an Indian dentist who has studied the subject of public health dentistry, I genuinely believe that I will be a good fit at ~~~ and that completing my Masters in Public Health is the ideal 'next step' on my career path.
I can help assist you with your work. It seems as if you took more than one course. Here is my suggestion regarding how you can change this: "When I took courses as a dentist in India..." The next sentence should read: One of these courses was Public..." Learnt in the past tense should be spelled learned. It is great to mention that you worked to provide free checkups for others! Simply delete the space and make checkup one word. When you discuss the small act you did, place a comma after world.
When you discuss the last year, I think you need to be more specific. Was it you senior year of dentistry? Also, it is more common to state, "have a change in perspective." You could change the next sentence to:" For example, I traveled..." This is a really great observation and explained ver well!
Change this sentence to: "...upon completion of this program, I will..." Do you mean events rather than actions? I think you should place a hyphen between like and minded. Also, delete probably when you discuss like-minded individuals.
The last paragraph change complete to completing. Also end the essay with,"...in my career path"
I have no experience in this area, but I studied health and education. I hope these suggestions help you!
- One aA mong them was Public Health Dentistry,
- whichwhere we learnt about epidemiology,
- The last year ( ??? - "the last year----of what, of the charity or of your school?) made me see a change in my perspective.
- I understand that onupon completion of this program I will be better equipped to help organize my actions that can make a bigger impact on health.
- ..should be privyknowledgeable ( I know you wanted to use big words but if this will not keep a clear intention or will not transcend your message then stick to the usual words) to..
- designing solutions and eventually complete preventiona program to preventof health related issues.
- I look forward to the discussionan exchange of ideas and well oriented learning that I will be doing at ~~~~.
Papsi, I was reading your admission letter as an admissions officer, you know what I found out?, I found out that you genuinely care about health in general and not just your choice of course which is dentistry. This shows that you will strive for that goal to make a difference.
Now, let's talk about your letter, I don't find it very strong and so I made a few corrections, on top of this I believe the letter only talked about you, your goals, aspirations and your can - do attitude which is good, however, what about the things that you can contribute to the institution, let's say you get in, what are the things or programs that you wish to create or join in so that you can be an asset to the institution. Think about this and maybe you can add it to strengthen your letter.
