When I was in high school, I walked to school along a busy street every day. The trip took about 20 minutes, but when I got home I felt uncomfortable for breathing too much waste gas of cars. Then I began to notice the air pollution in China. After my graduation from high school, I chose energy engineering as my major in university because I hope that I can work as an engineer to improve energy efficiency and reduce pollutant emission and finally mitigate air pollution in my country.
To understand the fundamentals of combustion science and develop energy conversion efficient for internal combustion engines, I entered the Combustion and Spray Laboratory at ABC University as a graduate research assistant. My research areas of interest include the study of flame structure, chemical kinetic properties of alternative fuels, and numerical simulation of combustion. For example, we use shadowgraph technique to observe the evolution of flame radius in a constant-volume chamber, and then measure the laminar flame speeds. The rich experimental work provided me with qualities that will be necessary for successful Ph.D. study, such as patience and rigour in working with laboratory equipment. In busy weeks, I stayed in the laboratory all day long. After returned to my dormitory, I usually lied in the bed being exhausted but contend and satisfactory because valuable data were obtained and the research was progressing. Measured data were then compared with simulated results from chemical kinetic models. Finally, I proposed modification basing on our measurement which could apparently improve the prediction of existing model. Through these research activities, I became familiar with the work of researchers and practiced my scientific writing ability by publishing articles.
I was planning to seek a job of engineer in the automotive industry after my graduation as Master. "There is barely innovative work in Chinese automotive companies", my father's friend working as an automotive engineer told me. "They simply copy the design of foreign companies and ignore creativity." I enjoy original work and exploring unknown fields instead of routine job. So I decided to pursue a Ph.D. degree in the U.S. where I can feed my curiosity on advance engine technology and combustion science. Dream University is my first choice for its renowned combustion and fuels laboratory. Professors with high standard of scholarship, advance equipment, and talented study body from all over the world will provide me with excellent academic atmosphere and vast learning opportunity that will maximize my understanding of the field. I am especially interested in the research area of Professor XXX's group. In addition, a Ph. D. degree at Dream University will definitely be conducive to my professional goal--a researcher working at an academic or commercial, research-oriented organization.
In fact, I have been interested in mathematics and science when I was a child. I have awarded in several mathematical competitions from primary school to high school, such as National Mathematical Olympiad in Senior (CMO in Senior; 2006, 2007, 2008), American Mathematics Contest (AMC 12; 2009), and then been invited to participate in the American Invitational Mathematics Examination (AIME; 2009). The training for these competitions shared my mathematical thinking which benefited me greatly with my graduate study. With outstanding academic performance, I was selected to join a double degree program. It involves the top Chinese and French universities, which are all recognized for engineering education. It was an attractive and competitive program because of the opportunity to obtain scholarship covering all tuition and cost of living in France, and I was the only accepted student in our department that year.
Two years living in France became my precious memories not only for the joys that I experienced but also for the difficulties that I overcame. The first obstacle in front of me was the language. Although French courses were taught in the last semester before our departure (3 to 4 hours every evening including weekends), the intensive training did not a guarantee complete beginner like me fluent communication. However, through active participation in group projects, daily communication with my French roommates, and the patient aid from my teachers and friends, French was no longer a problem in my academic and daily life in several weeks. Besides, the curriculum of general engineering education consists of extensive subjects in addition to my major, such as electrical engineering and programming. It gave me a panorama of modern engineering and benefited the study in my field. Abroad experiences and intercultural friendship give me confidence to live independently oversea, and I become longing for future life in the U.S.
When I was growing up, I witnessed the great economic development and automobile population in China, coming with increasingly heavy air pollution. The clear sky and clean air in Europe encourage me to devote myself in my research field. Air condition of the western cities was not always as livable as now in the process of industrialization, like London and Los Angles in 1950s. Strict regulation and improving technologies made it possible to counter the negative effect of industrialization. I believe progress of engine technology and elimination of emission will bring clear sky back to China and build a cleaner world. If it requires the collective efforts of generations, I am willing to accomplish my part.
Yihzen, am I right in assuming that this is supposed to be statement of purpose essay for a masters degree in Mechanical Engineering? If it is, can you kindly provide us with the actual SOP prompt for this essay so that we can better analyze your essay for content and prompt adherence? I will really help us in reviewing your essay and help us to properly advise and guide you in the revision of your essay. At the moment, I can offer an overview of your essay work.
Right now, your essay suffers from a lack of thought process. You need to outline your topics for discussion and talk about them in chronological paragraphs. Right now, your essay is jumping from flashback to flashforward and it leaves the reader feeling confused and unable to follow what the exact purpose of your masters study will be. By jumping around, you don't really give us an opportunity to understand who you are and where you are headed. Remember, the SOP should explain your future plans and goals, it should not be jumping around from your past experiences, advice from other people, and then jumping to the present with your work experience, then to the future with your plans.
A masters degree is all about career progression. You should know where you career is headed and how it will get there. Those are the plans that should be presented in a statement of purpose essay. The past is in the past and has nothing to do with your future. Your present however, dictates where you are headed in the future so you should make the connection between the present and the future in your essay instead.
Thank you very much for your reply!
This is a SOP for a Ph. D. degree in Mechanical Engineering. Could you tell me why do you think that this is a SOP for Master application? In fact I am a Master applicant right now and will receive the Master degree next year, and I am planning to apply a Ph. D. program in the U.S. of 2015 fall.
To organize the paragraphs chronologically is a good idea. The reason for such a strange structure is that the first three paragraphs are basically for my SOP and the rest is for my personal statement. I know it is stupid to put them simply together.
Anyway I will reorganize my essay for each program I apply, because some of them require a PS, some of them require a SOP, and some of them require both.
Thank you again :)
The reason that I thought this was for a masters degree was because it does not really cover the requirements of a PhD SOP essay. While you did introduce yourself and your past undergraduate accomplishments, you did not really present a solid previous graduate career that would indicate the need for a PhD level of education at this point in your career and life. Normally, that is the first kind of information one sees in a PhD application. You spend too much time talking about your childhood exposure and other matters that do not directly concern your career ladder at the moment. The relevance of your current studies and career accomplishments to your chosen PhD and how it will help advance your career further is also wanting in development.
Since you mentioned that you are just about to complete your masters degree and will not be entering your PhD Level studies until next year, I believe that you are jumping the gun here. It is a false start to writing an SOP because you are not sure where your next career path will take you yet. It is because of this lack of future career direction, since you have not worked in an advanced position capacity at any company yet, that makes your SOP look like a masters SOP instead. You don't really know what position you will hold in the future and how it will apply to PhD studies, you need to hold off finalizing this essay at least until you know where your next phase of studies should take you career-wise. Right now, you are still stuck in the masters level mode of writing. It does not cover PhD level information at all. Let me be clear though, this is my opinion If you feel that it does cover you PhD requirements then by all means, go ahead and use this essay for your applications :-) I would advice you however, to at least wait until you graduate from your masters degree before applying for higher level studies admission.
