this is just a rough draft but any feedback will help!!!!! i just want to know if i am on the right path.
People often don't realize what it means to be able to express themselves with words. It is something most people "just do." Of course we know there are people who are Deaf and people with speech impediments, but we do not really see it in a different light, one where an individual is not able to express simple wants and needs. I was one of those people until I was eleven years old. When I was eleven, my cousin, Jacob, was born profoundly Deaf. Although it was devastating, Jacob received a cochlear implant, and through four years of speech therapy at The Magnolia Speech School, his speech is clear and accurate. Although the speech therapy was long and tedious, Jacob will be able to be in class with his peers, go on to graduate, and go to college.
Due to my interests in speech pathology, I was able to tour a speech and hearing clinic at Mississippi University for Women before beginning my college career. It was then when I knew I wanted to forego to be a speech pathologist.
I started my undergraduate career at The University of Southern Mississippi in the fall of 2010. My first speech and hearing courses were Anatomy and Physiology of the Speech Mechanism and Fundamentals in Speech and Hearing Sciences. Both of these courses were a lot more in depth in speech pathology than I initially thought; I learned that speech pathology is not just about speech therapy. It deals with swallowing, articulators, strokes, acoustics, etc. I have always wanted to work with children, and learning more about speech pathology confirmed that fact.
My curiosity in Speech and Language Pathology led me to volunteer at The DuBard School for Language Disorders starting the spring of 2011. Every semester I have had the opportunity to volunteer under a different speech pathologist and with different aged children. Each semester I gain different skills. With the youngest children, ages 3-6, they are focused on learning phonemes and with the oldest children, ages 11-14, they are focused on mastering grammar and getting ready to move on to general education. I watched the speech pathologist mix teaching with fun activities; the children were eager about learning. At the DuBard School I was able to apply what I have learned through my classes to real life.
Due to my aspiration in the field, I want to continue my education by attending graduate school. I can see the progress I have made in my volunteer work and in my undergraduate classes as a professional. I want to expand my knowledge and experience base through applied experience in the field. As I set out on an advanced level of education in a graduate program, I ponder about the kind of student I am and the experiences I have had that will allow to me succeed at The University of Southern Mississippi's graduate school. I am focused, and I have always challenged myself. In high school, I took 21 college credit classes and in college I continue to take classes to challenge me. I will be completing my Bachelor's degree in three years.
I want to continue my education at Southern Miss because the graduate program focuses on what I intend on building my career on. I am interested in articulation, language disorders, and fluency. After graduate school, I want to work in a clinical setting doing therapy with children. A background in the areas such as aphasia, articulation disorders, fluency, and motor speech disorders will guide me to be a greatly skilled clinician. The graduate program will help me meet my professional goals as a flexible, well-trained clinician.
Overall good essay!
There are so many "I" you used in 6 paragraph
I can see the progress I have made in my volunteer work and in my undergraduate classes as a professional. I want to expand my knowledge and experience base through applied experience in the field. As I set out on an advanced level of education in a graduate program, I ponder about the kind of student I am and the experiences I have had that will allow to me succeed at The University of Southern Mississippi's graduate school. I am focused, and I have always challenged myself. In high school, I took 21 college credit classes and in college I continue to take classes to challenge me. I will be completing my Bachelor's degree in three years.
Below is the corrected one
Due to my aspiration in the field, I want to continue my education by attending graduate school. I can see the progress in my volunteer work and undergraduate classes as a professional. Expanded my knowledge and experience base through applied experience in the field. As it set out on an advanced level of education in a graduate program, I ponder about the kind of student and the experiences that will allow to me succeed at The University of Southern Mississippi's graduate school. Always focused and challenged myself. In high school, I took 21 college credit classes and continued college classes to challenge me. I will be completing my Bachelor's degree in three years.
You've got a lot of great infomation in this essay. Every sentence is precise and meaningful. I would perhaps rearrange a few sentences for a better flow.
"one where an individual is not able to express simple wants and needs. I was one of those people until I was eleven years old."
The wording and placement of these sentences makes it seem as if you were not able to express your wants and needs until you were eleven.
"Due to my interests in speech pathology, I was able to tour a speech and hearing clinic at Mississippi University for Women before beginning my college career. It was then when I knew I wanted to forego to be a speech pathologist."
This passage seems a little out of place in the first paragraph. I would put it in the second paragraph.
"I have always wanted to work with children, and learning more about speech pathology confirmed that fact.
My curiosity in Speech and Language Pathology led me to volunteer at The DuBard School for Language Disorders starting the spring of 2011."
I would connect these two statement for a better flow. Perhaps "Learning more about Speech pathology also reinforced my interest in children. As a result I volunteered at..."
Good Luck! My family is from Mississippi!!!
