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Experience: developing processes and solving issues in client-HP network - SOI; Master of Management


Marivanno 5 / 3 2  
Jul 24, 2015   #1
Statement of Intent- Master of Management

It should describe your personal motivation to undertake further study, and can include details of your personal circumstances as well as your life and work experiences. It should emphasise any aspect of your personal history that may enhance your application, including extra-curricular activity, community involvement, work experience, relevant personal characteristics and any outstanding achievements. (500 words)

Besides, developing processes and solving issues in client-HP network gave me a diverse work experience. Within three months of joining the company, I started working at a position that was a level higher than my contemporaries. I nowadays also handle certain 'change management' tasks where I implement the updates and also plan the weekly upgrade of the supply chain. I analyzed the major cause of the contract violations made by my team and advised changes in business process to higher-ups, reducing no. of violations by 40%. Despite these highlights, plus the ones in my resume, I have gaps in knowledge that cannot be filled by continuing to work in my current career trajectory. A business degree at this juncture, would be the next step in the realization of my career objectives.

In the long term, I aspire to be the VP of Operations in a major hi-tech company, where I can establish the company's strategy and goals in the day to day operations. Right after finishing MoM, I would work as a consultant for a top firm such as Accenture, where I would work with hi-tech and IT industry clients, providing solutions in operations such as making cost reduction program by offshoring, boosting the customer experience in sales, and redesigning the procurement of raw materials. I want to use my time to gain the experience in managing operations of a product or project, helping me transition into an executive role years later. To attain my short-term goal I need to learn aspects of business management, especially operations, and further strengthen skills, such as organizational capability and networking. This is where MBS comes in.

Through the core courses and the 16 electives, MBS allows me to tailor my curriculum such that I can learn about various functions, thus compensating for my inexperience, especially in operations. Having the likes of Dr. Vikram Bhakoo, whose expertise in outsourcing solutions and 3PL services in supply chain piqued my interest, in the faculty gave me the satisfaction of knowing that I can have engaging discussions in the classroom.

If admitted to the program, I will bring my dedication to learn, enthusiasm in extracurricular activities, and a diverse experience, adding a dash of "masala" to the MBS community. In conclusion, I'm interested in learning and developing business skills by utilizing the holistic approach to education at MBS, allowing me to become a well-rounded business graduate and achieve my career goals.
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Jul 24, 2015   #2
Hello, I will continue to help you with your essay. I will suggest a few more changes that will make your essay better.

"I have gaps in knowledge that cannot be filled by continuing to work in my current career trajectory". I feel that this statement makes you seem a little inadequate and your experience shows that you are completely equipped to work well. I would like to suggest stating:.."a gap in my educational level". Sometimes there is a gap because a person may need a Master's degree in order to make advancement on their job. It doesn't mean there is a gap in what a person knows or can achieve, but there is a gap in a specific requirement.

The next paragraph, you have a slight revision: "...make a cost reduction program..." Here is another revision that can be made "... which will help me transition into an executive role in the future". Place a comma after goal. Place "my" after strengthen.You state: "This is where MBS comes in". However, I feel it is too vague. Since you discuss your goals throughout the paragraph, you could make a better transition. Ex: Thus, MBS can help me to achieve my goals. This is just a suggestion! Remember the last sentence in your paragraph, needs to help you make a smooth transition to the next paragraph.

There are just a few minor errors in the following paragraph. Change such to "so". The next sentence needs a better arrangement of words: "Having Dr.XXXXXXX as a faculty member, whose expertise in outsourcing solutions and 3PL services in supply chain piqued my interest, will give me the satisfaction of knowing that I can have engaging discussions in the classroom". Note: I chose not to rewrite his name. Also, if you want to shorten your sentence more you could delete the information about his expertise. However, if you are want that information included, you can make the revision as stated above.

Good Job! Your last paragraph is really good.


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