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DPT AdmissionEssay:How will graduate degree help you attain your goals?


raya1001 2 / 10 3  
Sep 26, 2013   #1
The question is: In one page stress your goals for pursuing graduate studies and how your degree will help you attain your personal and career goals.

looking for critique and Did I answer the question they asked? Does it flow, make since, or interest you? Also, I am questioning the paragraph breaks. Thanks for your help and suggestions!!!

When I graduated from Florida State University in 2003, my dream was to become an account executive at a major advertising firm. And, I was well on my way. For three years, I worked as a marketing and event coordinator for The McDonald's Corporation, but then something happened.

My husband, Ethan, was hit by a drunk driver while crossing the street. He was rushed to the hospital in critical condition. The hit-and-run driver had broken both of his legs and his ankle, torn tendons in his knees, cut his right tricep, fractured his pelvis, and left him in a neck brace for three months due to a possible neck fracture. Doctors told us that he was lucky to be alive.

The next nine months for him would prove to be a challenge, as he found it both difficult and frustrating to rely on others for help with simple tasks such as bathing, walking, and even eating. Throughout his physical rehabilitation, I noticed how appreciative he became at the slightest return of any mobility, despite the slow pace of his recovery. Today, aside from a few scars you would never even know that there was a time in his life that he was virtually disabled. His story is one of the reasons I have chosen to pursue a career in Physical Therapy.

Since my husband's accident, I have had a lot of time to reevaluate both my personal and professional career goals. Today I am working in a 150 bed nursing home and assisted living facility as a Licensed Nursing Assistant Activity Aide. I can say that for me, there is a reward in working one on one with residents of a nursing home to improve their spirits and their quality of life. In my years working with the aging population, I have seen firsthand the frailty that results from the loss of muscle strength due to age decline and the inability of an individual to live an independent life.

I have empathy and compassion for my residents and through my experience with my husband. I understand the frustrations associated with loss of independence.

I am seeking higher education with the DPT program at American International College because, I sense an increasing need for Geriatric Physical Therapist. As such, I can work to help improve the functioning abilities of my residents, and in turn continue to improve their spirits and their quality of life. That, to me, is the beauty that I see in this career.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Sep 29, 2013   #2
Hi
I saw you have requested marmaria to have a look at your essay.... So, I quickly hopped into yours :)

When I graduated from Florida State University in 2003, my dream was to become an account executive at a major advertising firm. And, I was well on my way. For three years, I worked as a marketing and event coordinator for The McDonald's Corporation, but then something happened.

.... Good start :)

Does it flow, make since, or interest you?

Yep.... I read your response in full and it is very good... simple, yet interesting and very convincing. You sound very genuine too.

Also, I am questioning the paragraph breaks.

that's fine .
It's a very good response and I do not have much to comment about for you to further improve it. Only thing I can mention is that since your prompt request you to discuss both personal and career goals, give a little more emphasis on career side too. I feel there's more weightage on personal aspect. That's just a thought and this is very good :)

Good luck!
mjw_az 1 / 4  
Sep 29, 2013   #3
I have empathy and compassion for my residents and through my experience with my husband. I understand the frustrations associated with loss of independence.

Instead of the 2 "I" sentence paragraph may I suggest: Through my experience with my husband's frustrations associated with the loss of independence, I have empathy and compassion for my residents. And then add the sentence to the previous paragraph.
OP raya1001 2 / 10 3  
Sep 29, 2013   #4
Thank you.
dmmartinez1492 3 / 7 2  
Sep 29, 2013   #5
I think you gave an inspiring story and its well written, but I feel you emphasize on the reasons what brought you into the field of physical therapy and less on how you're degree will help you obtain your personal and career goals.

In the first paragraph it seems you don't talk about you're degree, only state where you worked and you never explain how it will help you. It seems out of place.

'When I graduated from Florida State University in 2003, my dream was to become an account executive at a major advertising firm. And, I was well on my way. For three years, I worked as a marketing and event coordinator for The McDonald's Corporation, but then something happened.'

Okay so you obtained an 'unidentified' major its assumed its in business, and you worked as an event coordinator and in marketing. I think you should talk about you're degree the fundamentals and characteristics you've learned and acquired that will help you be successful in the field of you're interest. Maybe in a later paragraph talk about it.

Maybe exclude the first paragraph and leave the following 3 paragraphs, then after stating you worked as an nursing aide create a paragraph and state you're degree and how it will help you. For example you can say 'although my degree is not directly in the field of healthcare, as an (occupations held) I learned to ( qualities that will help as a pt). Then state how you're further involvement as a nursing aide you understood the needs, you're desires and interest.

Hope this helps! ( I apologize if my response is a little confusing . I am typing on my tablet so its a little difficult.)
marmaria 10 / 30 5  
Sep 30, 2013   #6
Dear raya
I read your essay. I really loved it...I wish I could write like you on my toefl and gre tests :D
very good essay :D


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