I have questions like, should I title it, should I write the date, my name and ID number, should I address the Admission's committee as in a letter
Yes to all except the last.
However, since this is not my personal statement, but simply an update to my current status, I have been debating if it is necessary to explain every detail or the committee is looking for something more concise and informative.That made me decide to sound a bit more general.
"General" and "concise" are not synonymous. One can be vague and long-winded or vague and terse. A key component of concise writing is the removal of modifiers, phrases, and even entire sentences that are so general as to be essentially meaningless.
That said, let me comment on your latest draft:
I was thrilled to observe a case of Lyme disease
"Thrilled" is probably not the word you want here, as it implies that you took delight in the patient's misfortune.
While PA M.
was diagnosing patients, she did not miss a chance to provide me with explanations and teach me facts about interpreting symptomsinstructed me as she worked . After examining a patient with difficulty swallowing, who
was quick to self-had diagnose
d himself with strep throat, PA M. determined it was a viral infection instead.
This conclusion was based on
the additional symptoms she caught by asking further questions. She pointed out that
in medicine one of the most difficult parts in detecting a problem is when a patient
soften tr
y to match their symptoms to a certain diagnosis. As a result of this,
the doctors may not hear the entire history of symptoms, which
ultimately can lead to a wrong diagnosis.
Another interesting aspect of this learning experience wasI also witness
d how patient behavior
can give rise to ethical issues.
Also, it gave me a different perspective on the various states of emotions a patient could be going through.
This is an example of a meaninglessly vague sentence. Either say specifically how your viewpoint changed or leave this out.