I have always enjoyed pursuing challenges that seem daunting to others; an opportunity to make an impact and lay down an example for others to follow.
^I think that can be cut out.
I am not sure if there is a word limit, but there is a considerable lack of depth and development. As Simone said, there can be much more drama and color.
I personally think that there should be some expansion and more detail given to describe perhaps, the atmosphere and the general sentiments of the people there. Perhaps, you can describe how you motivated and what you did that allows you to consider yourself a 'leader'.
Your essay is just a bit basic, because it is just sentence after sentence with no expressed feeling. There is no life to this essay....