Topic: Introduction
Question/Prompt: Write 3 paragraphs introducing yourself to the class. Each paragraph needs to be 5 sentences and should follow the structure provided below:
Paragraph 1: Share where you are from, your family dynamics (i.e. married, single, grandparent, children), and your hobbies.
Paragraph 2: Let us know what year you are in college, your possible major, your career goals/aspirations and why you think an online format to your college education will work well for you. List at least 3 strategies you have used for studying and/or time management in the past and describe whether or not you felt they were effective.
Paragraph 3: Reflect on God's working in your life to bring you to Christian University and also share your salvation testimony (if you have one).
Hello my name is Amber. I am 21 years old, and a single mother of two precious little boys. I am from a small town called Beaufort,South Carolina. I have a passion for working with children of various ages. I have been in Childcare for 4 years and I am certified in CRP and First Aid. I also have my credentials in Early Childhood Development which was once my major.
This will be my first year here at this University. My major will be Medical Office Assistant. I have many goals that I would like to achieve, to name a few are finishing college, becoming an successful Medical Office Assistant, and becoming a better person. A online format will work well for me because I am currently unable to attend classes on classes on campus due to various reasons. The 3 strategies that i have used for studying are reviewing my notes everyday, make diagrams, and preparing a self test. All of these strategies have been very effective for me.
When I was 8 years old my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. She underwent surgery and had the cancer cells removed. When i was 13 years old my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 bone cancer, and many other types of cancers. She wasn't expected to live past 1 year because there was no more treatment for her. My mother began to become very ill and unable to walk anymore, which caused her to have to be wheelchair bound. I had to take on the role of being her care taker along with my older sister help who was barley around. my father also wasn't in my life The reason why i choose this as my salvation testimony is because my mom wasn't expected to live past a year but she passed away when i was 19 years old. I believe that God kept my mom around long enough to see me graduate high school because i never lost faith in her. This was a lot for a teenager to have to deal with but it all has made me the strong young lady I am today!
I'll note where I make changes to your first two paragraphs:
Paragraph 1: Hello, my name is Amber. I am 21 years old, and a single mother of two precious little boys. I am from a small town called Beaufort, South Carolina. I have a passion for working with children of various ages. I have been in Cchildcare for 4 four years and I am certified in CRP CPR and First Aid. I also have my credentials in Early Childhood Development early childhood development, which was once my major.
Paragraph 2: This will be my first year here at this the U university. I anticipate majoring in the program for Medical Office Assistant. I have many goals that I would like to achieve, to name a few are finishing college, becoming an successful Medical Office Assistant, and becoming a better personI have many goals. Some important ones include finishing college, obtaining a job as a medical office assistant, and becoming a better person.A online format will work well for me because I am currently unable to attend classes on classes on campus due to various reasons. The 3 strategies that i have used for studying are reviewing my notes everyday, make diagrams, and preparing a self test. All of these strategies have been very effective for me.Online classes, in particular, will provide considerable benefit because they are convenient and compatible with my current commitments and obligations. Three strategies I have used to success in my studying are making diagrams, reviewing notes regularly, and preparing self-assessments. These strategies have proven effective for me in helping to facilitate learning and promoting steady progress.
Additional Comments:
Paragraph 1: Consider varying your sentence structure. Note the beginning of each sentence (I). "Working with children of various ages" is another way of saying working with children...
"Various ages" does not enhance your description in any meaningful way. It would help to be more specific with what you mean in this sentence. For example: I enjoy working with children and being involved in helping their development. You have been in childcare for four years. The reader probably assumes this means you've worked in a childcare setting for the last four years. I assume you mean Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation (CPR). I'm not sure whether CPR is well known enough not to require the customary introduction of what it stands for. I'm not sure if first aid can be capitalized in its own right. On to the last sentence. What credentials do you have in early childhood development? Does it help to mention that it was your major at some point? Is it correctly implied that you did not complete the major? If so, is this something helpful to portray?
Paragraph 2: Becoming a better person is a vague goal. I reworded the sentence about why an online format would be helpful to you. Instead of describing online classes as necessary due to restrictions and limitations, describing the benefit of online classes with positive adjectives that allude to broad, overarching advantages, helps beef up the tone and encompass a range of scenarios without spelling any of them out explicitly.
