Good morning :)
Here are my suggestions:
"On the outside of Wood field Is this one word? If not, Field should be capitalized also.
of cars are parked in the gigantic parking lots. It's not that noisy but every once in a while you hear the beeping of a car alarm. The sliding glass doors swish open as I step near them. As I walk inside, the volume of sound changes. I can hear people chattering and kids screaming. The pitter-
feet on the tile floor echoes through the mall. I also hear the crinkle of bags and jingle of purses; a happy child with a new toy; I
smell the mixed food aromas
from restaurants; I
hear someone laugh out loud; I see
bright signs advertising things. S
ome kids are
dragged along, not wanting to be there. Other decorations remind me of the season and why I am there What do you mean? What season? Is it the holidays? Summer break? You might want to set the season out in the parking lot. If it's snowing, if it's hot, etc.
. Overall walking, talking, and laughing people! People! Everywhere people.
It is You are writing in the present tense; keep it that way. If you want to switch to past tense, you'll have to go back and make those changes in the beginning of the essay. Choose a tense and stay there through your whole essay.
a busy Saturday afternoon, visiting the mall is quite an experience for kids. It's a place where they can snack, see movies, ride escalators, enjoy holiday shows,
and socialize with peers. They ice skate
. They eat
in the food court, try
on clothes, [/font] to new music, and thr[font#FF0000]
pennies in the fountain. Some of them bring
their roller blades and zip
through the cool, dark parking lots until security throws
I observe that
most families with kids go
to the kids clothing stores like Carter's
and Children's Place
, I also hear a
nice piece of music when I
open the door. A
cashier greets everybody; bright colors and sales tags are
everywhere; racks are organized by stylish and high quality clothes and are arranged by designs and colors. W
hile parents go "sale hunting",
kids mess the racks
Next stop is the toy store. This is kids' favorite part; they never miss the temptation of "Please Try Me" from the toys.
Different kinds of toys are there such as Mrs. Potato Heads, remote-control turbo cars, Barbie hot tubs, Hula-hoops, jungle gyms, G.I. Joes, video games,
and plain old pinwheels. Part Monster, Part Human and More... When I was a kid, people were people and machines were machines. Some adults are
overwhelmed, not just by the variety, but by the toys themselves;
composite creatures that looked part monster, part soldier, part computer,
and part human. A
n hour inside the store somehow changes the mall
experience. Eyes glaze over. Parents become cranky. Finally kids pick their toys.
Stepping inside to the food court, the first thing that hits me is the sound. It crashes over me, engulfing me, drawing me in. I step closer, into the midst of it. In the mean time, I smell the mixed greasy aromas, together in one heavy, thick smell that crawls into my pores. It is a clean,
bright, modernly decorated
indoor place. People carry fries, Chinese chicken, and pizzas as well; others
bite juicy burgers. To my left sit a young couple, anxiously feeding their toddler chicken nuggets dipped in tomato sauce. The two year old cries and whines because of crankiness. The group of young people to my right are laughing, shouting,
and flirting. However, some people,
with kids dine out at
the restaurant known
as The Rainforest Cafe
. The restaurant is decorated
like a rainforest and has apes, elephants,
and snakes hanging in the tree; they make
noises. It is very fantastic place to take the children.
The most interesting thing for kids at the mall
indoor play yard constructed of soft foam material. It consists
of a grand entrance facade, climbers, slides, tunnels, a play wall, shoe keepers,
and parent seating. Another
interesting thing is the
carousel; it is across from where I sit.
When it starts
up a slight breeze hits me lightly, lifting my hair. I hear
the sound of the carousel going around and around, playing the typical amusement park music, making me
feel like I'm
at the fair. The carousel sparkles with little lights that are pleasing to the eye. The beauty of it is just striking. The horses go up and down as it goes around and around. Each horse has different detailed designs making each one stand out from the others. Every time a parent walks by, their kids beg for permission to go on a ride. When they don't get there way they drag their feet and pout as mom or dad struggles
to keep calm while pulling their child through the mall. A little girl holding a giraffe asks for a ride with her
eyes gleaming with anticipation. Other children anxiously wait for there turn to ride. They form a line trying their best to contain their excitement and stand still. When they finally get on, they smile from ear to ear.
Adults without kids use
the mall for their dating place. The moments of heart smiles include watching couples walking along hand in hand. The mall lounge is one of a hangout place to find a date for teenagers. Most of them see movies
with their dates. Some of them walk around a large enclosed space to get exercise. W
hile I walk I
see some teenagers and middle aged
women having their manicures
in the mall. Overall people with kids or without kids are all enjoying, relaxing, exercising,
and having fun in the mall."
You do have a very descriptive essay here. My concern is that it is not describing both sides. The subject, as you posted it, is to write about a trip to the mall from the viewpoint of someone with kids and someone without them. I'm assuming that you didn't have kids on your trip :) with that said, it sounds like the other half of this essay is to write it from the viewpoint of one of those parents whose children are dragging them around the mall.
Make sure you stick with one tense and perspective throughout your essay; you slip from third into first, past into present, periodically throughout the paper. First person present tense is tricky, and if you choose to keep it, make sure you stay there throughout.
The conclusion seems a bit abrupt, but if you add in the second element of the viewpoint of the person with kids, you'll have more material to rework that ending.