Does this paragraph make sense? :S

Hey, i was wondering if i could get some help, I feel confident in the rest of my essay, but THIS paragraph i just don't know if it makes sense to anyone other than me!!

A little background on my essay: i developed a behaviour modification program and discussed it in the essay, and this paragraph is evaluating the program

here's my paragraph (sorry it's kind of long):

Now that my program has been executed, I can start evaluating my program based on the success of my program and the improvements that can be made. Comparing my pre-program and my post-program data, my target behaviour has decreased quite dramatically. It went from several snapping's a day to almost none. Admitting that snapping at my children for no reason was a problem , helped me to realize the severity of the problem and to take extra measures to stop this behaviour; this awareness partly helped make my program a success. Also, distributing a reinforcement (yoga) that I was already getting and was important me, but then only allowing myself to get it only if I did not emit the behaviour gave me the extra push to elicit an appropriate response. Giving myself a reinforcement that I previously used to take for granted was a useful strategy in my behaviour modification program. I also observed that Thursdays (Nov 8 and Nov 15) are particularly rough days to handle because they are anxiety driven due to the fact I have an early class, I have to get everyone to school/daycare/work in a shorter amount of time, and my boyfriend has to wake-up earlier than usual, which all ignite arguments and cause my frustration. On the other hand, Wednesdays are easier to manage because it is just me and my children all day without my boyfriend. Knowing this information, I can understand my target behaviour better and prepare in advance by better controlling and avoiding my antecedents. One way I can improve my program is limit the wording of my antecedent control by stating: if me and my boyfriend are arguing we must set up a time to resolve the argument while the children are at school or sleeping before interacting with the children. Stating that we must try to resolve the argument right away, just continued the argument in front of the children which caused my snapping at them on Nov 11 and 15 (post-program data results) which was highly ineffective. I also decided that I will not end my program yet, I will continue with the program until I can rely on my reinforcements less and then I can gradually start phasing out my program.

Thanks in Advance!

Greetings!

I think your paragraph makes sense, although some of the sentences would be clearer if they were shorter. Here are some editing suggestions:

Now that my program has been executed, I can start evaluating my program based on the success of my program and the improvements that can be made. Comparing my pre-program and my post-program data, my target behaviour has decreased quite dramatically. - You use the word "my" six times in those two sentences. You could reduce them like this: Now that my program has been executed, I can start evaluating it based on the success of the program and the improvements that can be made. Comparing pre-program and post-program data, my target behaviour has decreased quite dramatically.

Also, distributing a reinforcement (yoga) that I was already getting and was important me, but then only allowing myself to get it only if I did not emit the behaviour gave me the extra push to elicit an appropriate response. - This sentence is a bit ponderous. Better might be "Also, distributing a reinforcement (yoga) only when I did not engage in the behaviour gave me the extra push to elicit an appropriate response. It was a reinforcement that I was already getting and which was important me, so it had the desired effect."

I have to get everyone to school/daycare/work in a shorter amount of time, and my boyfriend has to wake-up earlier than usual, which ignites arguments and causes my frustration. - You don't need to point out that "all" of these things contribute; it's clear without that.

if me and my boyfriend are arguing - Unlike the earlier sentence where you say "it is just me and my children all day" this time "me and my boyfriend" is the subject, not the direct object. Therefore, you must say "my boyfriend and I" instead. (You can test this by eliminating the extra person. You would not say "me was arguing.")

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Thanks, those were great suggestions!! Now I can read my paragraph without getting confused!!!

You're welcome! By the way, I found a typo I should have corrected: It was a reinforcement that I was already getting and which was important to me, so it had the desired effect."

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com