Term Paper - The Symbolisms in Nathaniel Hawthorne's Thesis Statement-Help

Hi, I am working on a 2000 word term paper. My initial paper (500) words received really bad reviews from the professor (D). I am in high school dual credit college english and this has been much harder than I anticipated. The professor remarks state a very weak thesis. Is this better for a beginning?

Any suggestions and help greatly appreciated. The instructions - I am to compare the symbolisms in these 3 stories by Hawthorne in 2000-2200 word term paper.

The Symbolisms in Nathaniel Hawthorne's
"Young Goodman Brown", "The Birthmark" and "The Ministers Black Veil"

The author Nathaniel Hawthorne is well known for his works of American literature. He has integrated symbolism as an integral part of his stories along with the plot, setting and view point. The short stories of Hawthorne's works that include "Young Goodman Brown, "The Birthmark" and "The Minister's Black Veil" are just three examples of his writings where symbolism plays a vital role. The symbolism in these stories impact the reader with social and theological meaning, allowing the individual to more fully understand the story as well apply them on a more personal level.

Greetings!

This starts out sounding more like a paper about the author himself than about the three works. It is also a little vague just to say he has integrated symbolism; in what way has he done so? I think you need to move in a little closer with your opening; don't just tell what he did, give an indication of how he did it.

I can't tell you if this is better for a beginning, because you did not post the old version. :O-)

You say that symbolism plays a "vital role"; what role? While it is true that you don't want to give too much detail in the opening paragraph, you nonetheless want to be specific enough not to bore your reader with generalities. You are obviously a good writer; I think you just need to dig a little deeper with this one.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Okay, I hope this sounds better -

Symbolism is an important part of literature, prose, and music. The relation visualized by the reader varies with each individual. Nathaniel Hawthorne has integrated symbolism as an integral part of his stories "Young Goodman Brown, "The Birthmark" and "The Minister's Black Veil". As Julien Green noted in his journal, these stories impact the reader with social and theological meaning, ". . . it revealed to me the existence of a world . . . the world of consciousness/conscience." The symbolism assists the reader to fully understand as well as apply meaning to their individual life.

Greetings!

That is a stronger opening paragraph, but you might want to clarify your thesis even further. In addition to saying that Hawthorne's symbolism helps the reader interpret his or her own life, you should probably give an idea of how this is done. If this is truly your thesis--that is, if the paper is going to be about what Hawthorne's symbolism means to modern readers--then you might want to say how this will be accomplished. For instance, Hawthorne might be trying to get the reader to examine his prejudices or faults, or imply that people tend to be judgmental. The reader needs a more specific clue as to how you will support your thesis.

Hope this helps--thanks!

Sarah
EssayForum.com